Celebrating the glorious success of the GOP Government Shutdown!

GOP Government Shutdown was a catastrophe and the GOP wants to do it again

October 1st marked the one-year anniversary of the hugely successful GOP shutdown of the US government. And Republicans have every reason to celebrate.

Led by Cuban-Canadian renegade Ted Cruz, the shutdown allowed Republicans to deliver what one expert described as “a sharp kick to Uncle Sam’s balls and every American’s pocketbook.”

This “completely self-inflicted economic catastrophe” cost US taxpayers a staggering $24 billion, which was especially funny because Republicans had only just finished voting on $4-billion-a-year in cuts to Food Stamps having told US taxpayers we were already broke.

For some inexplicable reason, all of the consequences of the GLORIOUS REPUBLICAN SHUTDOWN are not being reported 24-7 on Fox News and other media outlets. Some people are even claiming that the GOP-lead shutdown was “no big deal”. So, to make sure you don’t forget on this one year anniversary, here are some of the consequences of the 2013 government shutdown instigated by our great American conservatives:

– Because of the shutdown, National Parks saw 7.88 million fewer visitors in October, 2013, translating to a loss of $414 million.

– Because of the shutdown, the Centers for Disease Control had “reduced capacity to respond to outbreak investigations, processing of laboratory samples, and maintaining emergency operations.” Which is great, because here in America we never had to worry about the spread deadly infectious diseases, right?

– Because of the shutdown, more than 2 million hardworking Americans’ paychecks were affected, food safety operations ceased, and benefits for veterans, women, infants and children were disrupted.

– But most important of all, the GOP shutdown achieved the larger goal Republicans were seeking: It sent the entire US economy into a tailspin–our GDP shrank 2.1% in the first full quarter following the shutdown!

This timing was important. Voters were just starting to give Obama a tiny bit of credit for the eleven consecutive quarters of economic expansion that preceded the shutdown. Thank God the GOP shut that down!

But clearly, Republicans know there’s more work still to be done. The US economy expanded at a 4.2% pace in the Second Quarter of 2014 and Obama has now created more than 10 million new jobs in the longest period of uninterrupted job growth our nation has ever seen. Clearly, the threat to America posed by Obama getting credit for something is still as dangerous as ever

But Obama getting credit for economic growth isn’t the only threat America faces. There’s also climate change to ignore, immigration reform to postpone, and a vote on raising the minimum wage to avoid.  Plus, if Ebola starts spreading, why waste money on the CDC when Rick Perry could solve the problem simply by leading us in a National Day of Prayer?

That’s why Republicans as visionary as Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and, yes, even Mitch McConnell are asking for you to help Republicans retake the Senate this November so they can respond to America’s challenges the best way they know how–by shutting down the government all over again!

The government shutdown IS a jobs plan, and this graph is proof!

If you have been cheating on LiberalBias this week with lesser news outlets, you will have noticed that nobody in the liberal media has been reporting on the important issues.

For example, every news outlet has completely ignored the fact that the healthcare.gov website has experienced glitches! Not only that, but there has not been a single report about how Barack Hussein Obama lied about people being able to keep their insurance plans.

He is forcing me to get a new insurance plan that covers emergency services and mental health. Why? Do I seem like I have mental problems? G-Men are following me! They’re afraid I can tear down their institutions through my fearless reporting!

People shouldn’t have “emergency services”, anyway. When I was 11 and I had a gnarly injury during a Little League game, an ambulance had to come and take me to the hospital. My insurance did not cover ambulance rides, and my parents were billed $2000. Under Obamacare, ambulance services would have to be covered… which really just makes it less special.

How dare the government make ambulances affordable for a blue-collar family like mine! I loved being in that ambulance because I knew it was expensive. Now anybody can ride in one. What’s next? Kids can smoke vodka and take doobies? Welcome to Obama’s America, people.

With the liberal machine exerting its iron-gripped control over the media, I can guarantee you that it will not ignore is October’s job numbers.

Last Friday, the White House released the October jobs report, revealing that the U.S. Economy added 204,000 jobs during the month. How can that be? Didn’t the Obama administration and economists warn that the “government shutdown” would hurt hirings and cause private enterprise billions, even though the only things that got shut down were veterans memorials and the socialist redistribution of wealth to kids with cancer?

Yet somehow, that resulted in 850,000 government employees being furloughed, which begs the question: Why do all these people work for the government instead of in real jobs that we’re allowing low-skilled illegal immigrants to work for under minimum wage? These are good jobs that hardworking Americans would be lucky to have!

I think the government shutdown was a wonderful thing. I think the government should always be shut down, as do all real conservatives. But in this case, the Democrat Party was also not trying to re-open the government, because they refused to go along with the Republican Party’s demands to defund Obamacare.

So why would a liberal communist atheist Muslim like Obama agree with me?

The answer, my friends, is in the October jobs report.

Remember these basic axioms of Conservative Truth:

1) Reducing the government will lead to job growth

2) Therefore, shutting down the government should lead to extra-super-job-growth-times-infinity

3) Obama secretly knows this, but will never admit it.

Therefore,

4) Obama allowed the government to shut down temporarily as part of his secret plan to boost jobs and make it seem as though all of his other ridiculous policies, like Obamacare, are not a complete and utter failure.

Do you still need proof that the government shutdown was all part of a deliberate plot by Obama to boost the economy based on conservative principles?  Just look at this  graph:

The government shutdown created jobs and this is proof!!

Now, just imagine what wonderful things would happen if he just went along with all of the other conservative principles, like creating a regressive tax code, defunding Medicare and Social Security, and banning gay marriage at the federal level!

It would be a true New Utopia, making China look like a banana republic and the United States look like…. well, Banana Republic!