In this episode of “Two Minute Theater”, Zach Heltzel brings you a complete summary of all of the facts and events involved in the Benghazi cover-up scandal between September 11, 2012 and the current day, re-enacted as a two-minute theatrical drama.
PLEASE NOTE: The calendar date counter in the top left corner is approximate, and is meant to give you a rough idea of when certain things happened: when the White House first using the word “terrorism”, when the public first found out that a terrorist group claimed responsibility for the attack, and when some of the investigations began. However, these are only provided for illustration, and are only approximate. We know that some of the dates are slightly off, but concessions had to be made in order to make the pace of the script flow. We hope you understand.
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First, it is important to define the term “liberal”. For this, we can look at the study of commencement speakers at top Universities done by the Young America’s Foundation (YAF). Of course, in this situation “study” means: they made a list of schools and commencement speakers, and then labelled each speaker as either liberal or conservative based on their own personal opinions.
It is these opinions that we can examine to discover the meaning of the word “liberal”.
Oprah Winfrey, Cory Booker, and Drew Houston are all labelled as “liberal” because they supported Barack Obama for President, and everyone knows that nobody who is moderate or independent has ever supported Barack Obama.
Mayor Bloomberg (party: Independent) is “liberal” because he is “socially liberal”, and everyone knows that the “we should give up the culture war nonsense and focus on taxes and deficits” schtick was, like, so three-years-ago.
Melinda Gates is “liberal”, according to this document, because of “contraceptives”. The document is not clear as to whether using contraceptives makes one liberal, or believing in contraceptives makes one liberal, or what. But either way, Melinda Gates is a liberal contraceptive type of gal.
Geoffrey Canada is “liberal” because he likes education, or possibly because he is socially active about liking education. Once again, the document is not totally clear.
So in conclusion: what does it mean to be a liberal?
It means you either support Barack Obama, or you support contraceptives, or you support education. Especially, one can only assume, if you are socially active about it.
What does this tell us about liberal bias??
Now we know what it means to be liberal. What does it mean to have liberal bias?
Let’s take a look at the very objective and unbiased Fox43 article on the topic, posted last week. In that article, they say this: “YAF spokesman Adam Tragone told Campus Reform on Tuesday the list appears to reveal a larger trend of liberal bias occurring on these campuses.”
From there, they proceed to identify, point by point, several very concrete items of evidence that clearly demonstrate the larger trend of liberal bias:
1) “With all these sex talks at Yale, it seems like conservative values on these campuses are non-existent.”
Talking about sex is an inherent demonstration of liberal bias. Obviously, if you want your institution of education to be politically unbiased, it must never talk about sex.
2) “96 percent of the faculty and staff at Ivy League schools who contributed to the 2012 presidential race donated to President Obama’s campaign.”
If too many people at a university donate to Barack Obama, then it is a sign that the university itself has liberal bias. Of course, there isn’t any actual evidence that personal financial donations influence the tenor of education at a university, but it feels like it should, doesn’t it?
3) “Of the top 100 universities listed by U.S. News and World Report, 62 chose to select liberal individuals to deliver commencement speeches, compared to 17 conservatives.”
62 is a lot bigger than 17, and that’s just not fair. Of course, we’re not entirely certain how many conservatives were asked to be speakers at universities, or how many conservatives even wanted to be speakers at these universities. But that’s besides the point. 62 versus 17! Obviously there has to be some kind of bias in there somewhere.
Conclusion: How to be unbiased?
The only way to be totally unbiased is for everything to be 50-50. That’s just objective, mathematical fact.
In order to avoid being liberally biased, a university needs to make sure that it hires exactly 50% faculty who donate to liberal candidates and 50% faculty who donate to conservative candidates. If it happens that the very best scientists and mathematicians in the world tend to donate to a liberal candidate, then that university should be obligated to hire second-rate mathematicians and scientists in order to fill their quota of conservative faculty members. (I know, that sounds a bit like affirmative action for conservatives; however, you know: shut up.)
In order to avoid being liberally biased, every time a University has a lecture on evolution, they must also have a lecture on creationism. Every time they have a lecture on how sexism is bad, they must also have a lecture on how sexism is awesome. Every time they have a lecture on linear algebra, they must also have a lecture on how numbers can be whatever God wants them to be and therefore there is no point in learning math.
That’s just fair.
Until that happens, news stories like the one yesterday will always be able to be propped up as “evidence” of liberal bias!!!!