Obama’s sinister and satanic War On Homeschooling

I have received a letter from a young student struggling with an important issue: education.

Dear Pastor Gregory,

I think the Devil is attacking me!! I’m sure you heard about President Obama signing an executive order that caps student loan debt, right? Well I feel like that should make it less terrifying for me to apply at U.C. Irvine! But my parents keep saying Obama just wants to make education more accessible so he can make me into a liberal Democrat :/ IS the Devil scheming with Obama and tricking me to run away from my parents for an education?

I promise I don’t want to party! I don’t even want to kiss and date girls. I just want to go to college like a normal kid. Help me figure this out!! You could even call my parents, just saying.

Thanks man,
Confused Student

Dear Confused Student,

Congratulations on your graduation young man! Our prayers are with you.
Like many of us have said before, Obama is as deceptive and manipulative as the sly serpent of Adam and Eve’s demise. Remember with me that in the beginning, of the Beginning, Sin entered into the world as Adam and Eve were tricked by the sly serpent Satan himself. And sly like a serpent he is, as Obama tries to convince you and other bright minds that public education should be cheap and available to all because then they can indoctrinate you with their liberal agenda. But in reality,

This is The War on Homeschooling!

Socialists like Mr. Obama believe that creating easy access to public education, no matter the quadrillions of dollars in debt it creates, is the best way forward for our society. They are wrong! Education should be done in the home, founded on Biblical principles, without evolutionary lies, and conservative to the core — just like Jesus himself.

My dearest friend and Creation-Scientist Ken Ham commented on this War on Homeschooling saying, “The Obama Administration was endorsing a belief that the upbringing of children really belongs to the government, not to the parents, and that governments have a right to educate children in the way they alone determine.”

Don’t be fooled! Don’t go to college!

Some secularists like Arizona State University professor Lawrence Krauss will blame us for committing “child abuse.” But that’s silly. Christian homeschooling isn’t abuse! Well, except that sometimes it is.

But more importantly, your parents know everything that you need to know. You don’t need all that silly math everyone complains about never using (we have calculators!!!) and you definitely don’t need a biology class where they indoctrinate you with monkey-evolving lies! Son, you just need Jesus! Trust me, most of these “schools” are really just hubs of liberalism forcing you to vote Democrat and practice homosexualism. After all, it’s not like they are some kind of magical place where smart people, hundreds of books and computers, and crowds of young eager minds that mix together to create new wonderful experiences and expose you to activities and perspectives that you could never have imagined possible. Nope – just a bunch of pot smoking and standardizes tests.

If there’s anything your parents don’t know, heck: you clearly don’t need to know it, either… or act like an adult and Google it!

In Jesus’ name,
Pastor Gregory

 

homeschooling

God speaks through Ham to make a prophecy for 2016.

The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution, as it should have been written.

In a TV aired debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, the secular lies of science were utterly demolished by the truths of God’s Word. God spoke through Ham to prove the Earth is 6,000 years old, that Adam and Eve road around on dinosaurs, and that human beings were the cause for everything evil in the Universe.

But God also had a greater plan: God was using this debate to establish Ken Ham’s 2016 presidential campaign!

If you can read between the lines, like I can, you will see that Ken Ham was not just obliterating the mythical secular scientism of Bill Nye…. He was actually proposing legislative policy! He was basically giving his first State of the Union address. Consider these three quotes:

“God invented marriage. By the way. That’s where marriage comes from and it’s to be a man and a woman.”

“Get rid of old people, I mean why not? They’re just animals and they’re costing us a lot of money. Abortion. Get rid of spare cats and spare kids, we’re all animals.”

“It’s the Creationists that should be educating the kids out there. Because we’re teaching them the right way to think.”

God was clearly using the power of His Holy Spirit to penetrate the head of Ham, forcing him to speak in a trance like state, and articulate the perfect Republican campaign platform… even if it did consist mainly of unconnected sentence fragments.

With nearly a one million YouTube views already, this easily-won-debate has stirred the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere. How can we interpret the popularity of this video, except to think that Ham was a complete success? And, God willing, he will be the next Republican President! Ken Ham 2016!