Border security spending graph has a liberal bias!

There’s an invasion taking place right under our noses! Armies of enemies move unimpeded across our border with Mexico, leaving a trail of Qur’ans, deadly viruses and broken dreams in their wake!

And Barack “Mom Jeans” Obama refuses to do anything about it. How hard could it possibly be to build an impenetrable 2000-mile long fence and guard every inch around the clock? If Mitt “self-deportation” Romney were President now, North Korea would be sending official visitors to marvel at the mile-wide swath of death and destruction securing us against… well, the grandparents of future Mitt Romneys.

But it’s even worse than mere incompetence. Anyone who listens to right-wing radio knows that Obama is actually deliberately increasing illegal border crossings in order to literally destroy America!

For him, every immigrant is a new Democratic voter. Luckily, we conservatives see them for what they really are: brown, possibly infected, almost certainly jihadist, invariably lazy DEMOCRAT VOTERS!

Now, some Democrats (probably illegal aliens themselves) would point to the following graph as “proof” that Obama is actually investing a great deal in securing our border:

Federal law enforcement spending graph: what about the border?

Oh, please. Are we really supposed to believe that the government spends 15 times more on keeping Mexico out than on the Agency for Trampling Freedom (ATF) whose job it is to round up peace-loving gun owners? Or that we spend more than twice the FBI’s entire budget at the border?

Nuh uh. No way. That’s not a statistic that makes sense to me. It must be wrong. I believe statistics like the fact that Obama spent 200 million dollar per day on a trip to India. Now THAT is a “statistic” I can get behind.

This other graph? It just HAS to be wrong.

La-la-la-la-la.

Messiah-Mess 101: top 12 Obama scandals with explanations

Very funny Obama political cartoon called "Messiah Mess"

This is a political cartoon created by William Warren for NetRightDaily last month. It is obviously very clever and 100% accurate because it depicts Obama in sewage. However, if you have not been keeping up with all of the details of politics over the last 6 years, you might not recognize all of the scandals that are named on the right-side pane.

DO NOT FEAR! What follows is a quick cheat-sheet summary of each of these scandals, so you will understand exactly why you should be completely outraged at Obama.


1. Fast and Furious.  The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) has a long history of programs designed to try to stop people from purchasing firearms from American gun dealers in order to pass them on to Mexican cartels. One such operation, known as “Wide Receiver”, was started in 2006. Another, called “Fast and Furious”, was started in 2009. According to some accusations, these programs intentionally allowed illegal firearm sales in order to track the firearms by their serial numbers and later identify members of Mexican drug cartels. However, these accusations were never fully confirmed and most independent research shows that the ATF never intentionally allowed any illegal firearms sales. Eventually these were both shut down. There is no evidence that Obama knew about or was involved in any of these incidents.

But, Obama gave a very suspicious speech in 2009 where he said better gun regulation might help slow the flow of guns from the U.S. to Mexico. Obviously this means Obama created “Fast and Furious” deliberately as a plot to take away Americans’ guns. (More info: CBS News)

2. Debt. When Obama was inaugurated, the total federal debt was about $10.6 trillion and was increasing at a rate of $1.4 trillion per year. Now, it is about $17.6 trillion and is increasing at a rate of $0.54 trillion per year. About two thirds of the increase in debt since Obama was inaugurated has been caused by interest and entitlements that were in place before Obama became president.

This proves that the entire debt is Obama’s fault.

Total Jobs3. Jobs. The total number of non-farm employee payroll jobs in January 2009 was about 134 million. The total number of non-farm employee payroll jobs in July 2014 was about 139 million. A total of 9.3 million jobs were created between the January 2010 low-point, when it finally reached the bottom of the decline that began in late 2007, and today.

This is all proof that Obama has failed… somehow.

4. Taliban Trade. Obama did everything he could to get American prisoner Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl delivered home safely. This included the release of five Guantanamo Bay prisoners. Obviously this is a disgusting horrible scandal, because America never negotiates with terrorists.

Except for that time Reagan did it, and that time Bush did it. (More info: Time.) Ironically, now that an American citizen was beheaded by an Islamic terrorist, there are conservatives who are complaining that Obama didn’t organize some kind of trade to get him back. I guess that can be listed as another scandal.

5. Benghazi. 4 people were killed in a terrorist attack in Benghazi while Obama was president. This compares to 98 people who were killed in terrorist attacks against American consulates when Bush was president.

However, Obama called it an “act of terror” instead of a “terrorist attack”, which proves Obama is not fit for office.

6. IRS. The IRS cracked down on politically active organizations trying to file as 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity groups. They investigated both liberal and conservative groups. They only refused 501(c)(3) status to a small number of progressive groups, and did not refuse it to any “tea party” groups. There is no evidence that Obama had anything to do with it, or had any knowledge of it.

This proves Obama was the sinister mastermind of this terrible aggression against the Tea Party. (More info: Think Progress)

7. Iraq. Obama withdrew soldiers from Iraq when things seemed relatively peaceful, and now ISIS has risen and is creating all kinds of problem. Since the magical Tea Party Crystal Ball tells us that if Obama hadn’t withdrawn troops from Iraq, then ISIS would not exist and there would be a Starbucks on every Iraqi corner, this proves that the mess in Iraq is completely Obama’s fault.

8. Obamacare. Millions of Americans now have preventative health insurance, young adults can stay on their parent’s plans for longer, nobody can be denied coverage for pre-existing conditions, insurance companies are legally required to limit the amount they can increase their fees, lifetime limits on payouts are being lifted.

However, a while back the website was broken, and there once was a woman who got mad because she thought she might have to pay more for insurance even though she didn’t actually log onto the Obamacare website to see if she could get a better deal.

Therefore, Obamacare is clearly an outrage and a scandal.

9. Keystone. Obama has delayed a decision on the controversial Keystone XL pipeline project, and perhaps might delay it indefinitely, which is completely within his power and rights to do as the President of the United States. This qualified as as scandal, presumably, simply because conservatives don’t like it very much.

Yeah, I’m not really clear on this one. maybe someone can help out and explain why this is a “scandal”?

Job Growth10. Economy. Unemployment is down to 6.1%.  58% of the new jobs added in 2014 pay above the average hourly wage. 1.4 million jobs were create in the first half of 2014. The stock market grew 142% in Obama’s first 2000 days in office. 53 months of uninterrupted job growth. The GDP went from shrinking at a rate of 2.8% when Obama took office to growing at a rate of 2.2% now.

Obviously, there is a scandal in there somewhere… somehow. Maybe if Obama hadn’t been born in Kenya, the GDP growth rate would be 2.4% instead of 2.2%? Someone also needs to explain the logic on this one.

 

11. The VA. Allegations of neglect and mismanagement in VA hospitals have been around for more than 40 years. Anyone who has paid close attention to the state of VA medical care has been aware that there have been problems going back since before the Reagan administration.

However, it became a topic in the news this year and Obama took FOUR WHOLE WEEKS before he fired Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric Shinseki and launched an investigation.  Can you believe it? FOUR WEEKS!

Obviously, Obama is just an evil, evil, inept person.

12. Illegal Immigration. Illegal immigration has also been a problem for decades in this country. Obama hasn’t granted anyone amnesty. Obama hasn’t slowed deportations. He also hasn’t done anything to weaken the borders compared to way border enforcement was when Bush was President.

However, because he hasn’t solved the problem of illegal immigration completely… this is clearly yet another scandal.


So there you have it: a list of all of the scandals weighing down Obama.

Can you believe he hasn’t been impeached yet?

 

A compassionate, loving Biblical solution to all those dirty illegals

Today’s letter comes from man who is concerned that we have a president who has busted our borders wide open, and let in a flood of illegal immigrants.

Dear Pastor Gregory,

As a born again faithful believer in Jesus Christ our Lord, I’m worried about the illegal immigration problem. I don’t think we can have all of these Mexican illegals stealing our jobs and sucking our economy dry. But just throwing them out seems un-Christian, too.
Our immigration system is obviously broken, and needs to be changed. Is there a BIBLICAL solution to all of this?

Sincerely,
Victor

Friend Victor,

Much like the Earth orbits the Sun, every nation on our globe orbits America. Our Founding Fathers weren’t kidding when they said, “One Nation under GOD” because America truly is under God’s supreme rule! Our great country is God’s Kingdom here on Earth, and we need no further proof than the simple words of Jesus: “The Kingdom of God is here” (Luke 17:21)

The Bible also says, “Ye must be born again to enter the Kingdom of God” (John 3:7). And I don’t think this was meant metaphorically. I think God is giving us very specific instructions on how we should be letting people into this country.

New birth is the answer. New birth is required for anyone to enter into God’s country, a.k.a. the United States. Therefore the Biblical solution to immigration is obviously to replace our current long and tedious “naturalization process” with… Birthing Centers!

The Christian solution to immigration is to make sure foreigners are re-born as Christians.
A possible view of a Christian way to enter this country: RE-BIRTHING CENTERS!

When dirty, disease-ridden foreigners go through a Birthing Center:

A) They will be cleansed with Holy Water to help purify their dark and wasted souls. Holy Water is scientifically proven to cleanse dead-beat Mexicans into hard-working Americans.

B) They will be forced to memorize the entire King James Bible — including the table of contents and editors preface. Memorizing God’s Word is the only proven method to wash the sinful Spanish language away, replacing it with the only one that matters to God: ENGLISH!

C) They will be tested in a scientific and theologically correct way, by measuring their natural reaction to hearing the word “socialist”. If they vomit everywhere upon hearing it, they truly have been born again and are welcome into God’s American Kingdom! No vomit, no entry.

 

I think this plan even has potential to get bi-partisan support. After all, when we reject foreigners from a birthing center, preventing them from being re-born as an American, it won’t be “deporting” them….. it will be “aborting” their American re-birth!

And we all know how much liberals love abortions!!!

With gracious joy,
Pastor Gregory