Tracking Hurricane Sandy: Event Timeline

Keep an eye on this LIVE FEED for constant updates on critical events related to the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. We offer the most complete picture, with no liberal bias!

Live Photo of Hurricane Sandy.

January 20, 2009:

– Barack Obama is inaugurated. This set the stage for multiple disasters, including the collapse of our economy, the total destruction of the constitution and freedom in America, and the unrepentant War on Christianity. God starts to get mad.

May 18, 2009:

– Barack Obama announces new mileage and efficiency standards as part of a secret plot to undermine industry and destroy the economy. God doesn’t like that.

January 7, 2010:

– The EPA proposes stricter limits on smog pollutants, trying to cynically use scare tactics to put their boots on the necks of small businesses through over-regulation. Now, God is really pissed.

June 24, 2011:

– New York legalizes same-sex marriages. Now God, in a blind rage, vows never to go back there, even if he wants to see a really good Broadway musical.

October 24, 2012:

– God finally gets sick of all of the liberals passing their stupid laws and acting all gay and stuff, and so decides to send up a hurricane as punishment.

October 25, 2012:

– Hurricane Sandy passed through the Bahamas, which is where Hurricane Katrina started, which everyone knows was divine retribution.

– Hurricane Sandy attacks Cuba, a sure sign that God hates communism and that Sandy is the fist of God punishing evildoers. He’s warming up for New York City.

October 26, 2012:

– New York City, that well-known hotbed of pornography, homosexuality, and other deviants,  declares a state of emergency instead of praying. Obviously, this makes God even more angry.

October 27, 2012: 

– New Jersey declares a state of emergency while God laughs.

October 28, 2012:

– Broadway theaters, The United Nations, and New Jersey casinos shut on Sunday night for 24 to 48 hours exactly as God planned. These are possibly three of the most sinful places on the entire East Coast.

October 29, 2012: 

– Power is out in thousands of New Jersey and Long Island homes and businesses.

– High winds and flooding are expected. God ponders flooding the entire planet, as punishment for America allowing Obama to be elected

– Gov. Romney calls Governors Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie about storm preparation, and prays.

October 30, 2012:

– In response to Romney’s prayers and phone calls, God weakens the storm so that it is downgraded from a Hurricane to a Tropical Storm.


….Thank you, Mitt Romney, for saving the ENTIRE WORLD!!!


And thank God that the media has kept politics out of their coverage of this terrible disaster.