Inverted Corporation People are the luckiest people in the world!

TDE Inverted Corporations Are The Most Awesome People In The World

As a people, corporations have never had it so good! Profits are at record highs. Corporate taxes are at record lows. Thanks to Citizens United, it’s easier than ever to buy as many politicians as judges as you want. People who are corporations are doing great in the United States. And guess what? The United States will treat you even better, as a corporate person, if you renounce your American citizenship!

That right: it’s called corporate tax inversion. If you become an Inverted Corporation Person–by becoming a citizen of Paraguay, for example–life is so much easier than it is for a mere human person. You get to f**k Uncle Sam as hard and as often as you want, and, as Forbes points out, you also f**k the whole US economy too. Best of all, Republicans and Fox News cheer you all the way. (Please note: If you’re a non-corporate person from Paraguay, don’t expect the same warm welcome from the GOP and Fox as they give a corporate person.)

Things, however, are not so good for non-corporate persons, also known as humans.

In this case, if you’re not a citizen, Republicans won’t applaud you, they’ll vote to deport you. If you’re an American woman, please don’t start roaring until you’ve discussed your sex life and your choice of your birth control with your boss. If you’re gay, don’t be surprised if you’re refused service in certain non-religious, profit-making establishments (but only for loving, religious reasons, NEVER because of hateful bigotry). If you’re in Detroit, and behind in your water payments, expect your water to be shut off (unless you’re a corporation that owes tens of thousands, that is… because water is still a human right for corporations.) And if you’re black in certain localities, you might have a hard time being treated as a human at all.

This November, corporations and humans will again battle for control of the House and Senate. Vote if you like. Alternatively, you could always try to incorporate yourself and register as a Cayman Islands entity.