Obama’s sinister and satanic War On Homeschooling

I have received a letter from a young student struggling with an important issue: education.

Dear Pastor Gregory,

I think the Devil is attacking me!! I’m sure you heard about President Obama signing an executive order that caps student loan debt, right? Well I feel like that should make it less terrifying for me to apply at U.C. Irvine! But my parents keep saying Obama just wants to make education more accessible so he can make me into a liberal Democrat :/ IS the Devil scheming with Obama and tricking me to run away from my parents for an education?

I promise I don’t want to party! I don’t even want to kiss and date girls. I just want to go to college like a normal kid. Help me figure this out!! You could even call my parents, just saying.

Thanks man,
Confused Student

Dear Confused Student,

Congratulations on your graduation young man! Our prayers are with you.
Like many of us have said before, Obama is as deceptive and manipulative as the sly serpent of Adam and Eve’s demise. Remember with me that in the beginning, of the Beginning, Sin entered into the world as Adam and Eve were tricked by the sly serpent Satan himself. And sly like a serpent he is, as Obama tries to convince you and other bright minds that public education should be cheap and available to all because then they can indoctrinate you with their liberal agenda. But in reality,

This is The War on Homeschooling!

Socialists like Mr. Obama believe that creating easy access to public education, no matter the quadrillions of dollars in debt it creates, is the best way forward for our society. They are wrong! Education should be done in the home, founded on Biblical principles, without evolutionary lies, and conservative to the core — just like Jesus himself.

My dearest friend and Creation-Scientist Ken Ham commented on this War on Homeschooling saying, “The Obama Administration was endorsing a belief that the upbringing of children really belongs to the government, not to the parents, and that governments have a right to educate children in the way they alone determine.”

Don’t be fooled! Don’t go to college!

Some secularists like Arizona State University professor Lawrence Krauss will blame us for committing “child abuse.” But that’s silly. Christian homeschooling isn’t abuse! Well, except that sometimes it is.

But more importantly, your parents know everything that you need to know. You don’t need all that silly math everyone complains about never using (we have calculators!!!) and you definitely don’t need a biology class where they indoctrinate you with monkey-evolving lies! Son, you just need Jesus! Trust me, most of these “schools” are really just hubs of liberalism forcing you to vote Democrat and practice homosexualism. After all, it’s not like they are some kind of magical place where smart people, hundreds of books and computers, and crowds of young eager minds that mix together to create new wonderful experiences and expose you to activities and perspectives that you could never have imagined possible. Nope – just a bunch of pot smoking and standardizes tests.

If there’s anything your parents don’t know, heck: you clearly don’t need to know it, either… or act like an adult and Google it!

In Jesus’ name,
Pastor Gregory