It should come at no surprise that former leader of the free world, turned Christian artist, George W. Bush has once again channeled his godly painting powers. We’ve seen his nude selfies and colorful cat works of painted wonder but now Bush has stepped up his game with an uncanny ability to ham-handily paint world-leader portraits.
This set of painted passion highlights the incredible leaders Mr. Bush had the pleasure of meeting during his presidency; from the Dalai Lama to Vladimir Putin, Mr. Bush has stroked the canvas with unbelievable talent.
But I have a suggestion. Why can’t Mr. Bush take his God-given talent to shine the spotlight on conservative leaders right here at home? Don’t they deserve the same level of honor and recognition as, for example, Mr. Putin? Through Mr. Bush’s talents we can turn this country around with God, guns, and good-old-fashioned water colors!
Here are three suggestions to inspire Mr. Bush’ conservative canvas crusade, with my interpretation of what his paintings will probably look like:
Chief Justice John Roberts is first on the list for his uncanny ability to fight for our freedom to buy elections. Thanks to Roberts and his four fellow Republican justices, wealthy politically active Americans are no longer limited to donate a petty $123,200 but now can spend as much as they want. Freedom isn’t free and nor are elections.
Conservative martyr and former Mozilla CEO, Brendan Eich is second on the list for his unashamed commitment to Biblical homophobia. He and his company’s developers made some hefty donations to the anti-gay Proposition 8 campaign, to which LGBT* activists claimed he was violating Mozilla’s inclusion policies. In reality Brendan Eich was defending his religious freedom, making him a martyr for liberty!
Missouri Rep. Chuck Gatschenberger gushes with GOP brilliance as he ignores the 260,000 Missourians who are going without affordable health care and focused on forcing women to wait 3 days before being allowed an abortion. He truly shined as he defended the bill against angry feminzai’s, “I was just considering getting carpeting in my house. That process probably took a month… I wanted to be as informed as possible, and that’s what this bill is, having them get as much information as possible.”
Recently, President Barack HUSSEIN Obama announced that his government takeover of America’s healthcare system, the Affordable Care Act, allegedly reached its goal of enrolling over 7 million Americans. The Democrat party is touting this biased statistic as a sign that the law, which takes away your ability to make your own healthcare decisions while enabling women to get abortions in the aisles of dissenting Hobby Lobby stores.
While real conservatives like Paul Ryan and Bobby Jindal have proposed plans, their plans have all been criticized for containing elements that are either not conservative, or are unpopular, or both. I have been able to come up with a complete alternative to Obamacare that is both based on conservative principles and known to poll well with the American people!
My proposal, TheOperations, Bandages, Acupuncture, Mammography and Sometimes Ultrasound X-Rays Act, or The OBAMASUX Act for short, is a comprehensive plan that fixes problems with the healthcare system in place before the so-called President had to mess everything up with the ACA’s sweeping shift to a government run system. It is backed up with research and findings from leading respected conservative institutions such as The Heritage Foundation and The Weekly Standard.
It is in absolutely no way similar to the Affordable Care Act, which does absolutely none of the things I am about to mention.
OBAMASUX works by providing health insurance to those who cannot afford it by giving them subsidies, which basically means lowering taxes to give people healthcare.
OBAMASUX does not regulate your health care decisions, but rather health insurance companies, which would continue to remain private businesses but also encouraged by law to support the public good.
Yearly check-ups, immunizations, and routine screenings for diseases will have no out-of-pocket cost, as they have been proven to decrease healthcare costs long-term.
Those with insurance through their employer will not have to change plans, as long as they meet minimum coverage standards and their insurance company does not discontinue that plan structure, as they have always done.
Rather than gutting Medicare or Medicaid, OBAMASUX expands these popular programs, allowing more elderly and lower-income families to receive medical services.
Businesses with over 100 full-time employees will be strongly encouraged to provide health insurance to those employees.
Young people under the age of 26 will be able to stay on their parents’ insurance plans.
All of these elements would take the world’s greatest healthcare system and carry it into a bright, prosperous future. Barack Hussein Obama knows this, and with the help of conservative patriots like you, we can force him to repeal Obamacare and enact these reforms.
You are a conservative. You know how to use your brain. You believe things because you have thought them through, and they make sense to you. They seem logical. Unlike liberals, who believe things that totally make NO SENSE AT ALL, just because they have “statistics” to back them up.
Nowhere is difference between conservatives and liberals more apparent than with Obamacare. Let’s take a look.
CONSERVATIVE LOGIC: Employers will reduce their number of full-time employees in order to avoid the costs associated with Obamacare. We will become a part-time employment nation!
LIBERAL FACTS: The Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) has found that part-time workers in the U.S. fell by 300,000 since the Affordable Care Act became law. In just the past year, full-time employment grew by over 2 million.
VERDICT: Conservative logic sounds good, so it must be right. The statistics must have liberal bias.
CONSERVATIVE LOGIC: Millions and millions of people are losing their health insurance because of Obamacare! I know it must be true because I keep hearing these stories!
LIBERAL FACTS: The fact is, millions and millions of people had their policies cancelled every year, before the Affordable Care Act came into being. On average, only 17 percent of people ever retained coverage for more than two years prior to the Affordable Care Act becoming law. After the ACA became law, by contrast, only a relatively small number of people have been asked to change insurance policies because their existing policies were not compliant with the new standards:
VERDICT: I heard tons of horror stories on T.V. This obviously outweighs these actual numbers. Numbers have a liberal bias.
CONSERVATIVE LOGIC: There will still be uninsured people after Obamacare is fully implemented. The whole point of Obamacare was to insure everybody. Therefore, Obamacare was completely pointless and achieved nothing.
LIBERAL FACTS:The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index shows that 15.9 percent of American adults are now uninsured, down from 17.1 percent for the end of 2013. That is about 3 million to 4 million people who have coverage now who did not have it before. The total number of Americans without health insurance is projected to reach its lowest number since 2008.
Plus, it is worth looking at why some of the people who remain uninsured got that way. There are currently 5 to 8 million people who can’t access Medicaid because their Republican political leaders oppose Obamacare. This isn’t a failure of Obamacare, it is a direct result of obstruction from conservatives. Nothing makes this more obvious than looking down at the breakdown by state of the total number of uninsured people before and after the implementation of the Affordable Care Act: notice that those states that opted in show dramatic reductions in uninsured citizens, while states that opted out do not show the same reduction:
VERDICT: All these numbers are confusing. The bottom line is that some people still aren’t insured, which means Obamacare didn’t solve every single problem, which means it was pointless and a complete failure. How can you argue with that kind of logic?
If you thought Pokemon, the video game/television/trading card phenomenon that galvanized children in the 1990s, was just a fad, you were wrong. The first season of the television show just hit Netflix, immediately after over a million people participated in Twitch Plays Pokemon, a game where people teamed together to coordinate button presses that allowed them all to beat the game as a gigantic hivemind.
Does that sound like collectivism to you?
Something about Pokemon must have encouraged all these gamers to participate in this socialist experiment. If you are able to see things clearly, as I am, you will see that liberalism runs deep throughout the Pokemon universe.
1. Single-Payer Healthcare Isn’t a Disaster in the Pokemon Universe
How is it that any time you go into a Pokecenter, wherein a perky redheaded nurse, always named Joy, heals you and your Pokemon for absolutely no cost? This is because of a liberal invention called a single-payer healthcare system, which is the only possible solution that is worse than Obamacare. Despite the fact that every single person who lives in a country with a single-payer healthcare system will die, Pokemon depicts these Pokecenters as clean, effective healthcare facilities that patch up these adorable pocket monsters quickly and efficiently. SURE.
2. Evolution Is Real, and Observable
One of the first things we learn in the Pokemon universe, regardless of whether you are watching the show or playing the video game, is that Pokemon evolve. Obviously, evolution is a lie from the pit of Hell meant to encourage white people and black people to intermingle in order to make adorable little mocha demon children. Not only does Pokemon tell children that evolution is real, it allows them to encourage it! By “leveling up” their Pokemon, they can take a stupid little Charmander and turn it into a triumphant Charizard, because evolution is awesome and they should totally believe in it.
3. Team Rocket Is Evil, But Not Evil Enough To Have GUNS
Team Rocket, a “criminal” organization operated by Giovanni, the Pokemon universe’s most influential businessman, is incompetent. Like, gets completely dismantled by a precocious ten year old and a yellow mouse incompetent. Their intentions are moral and just like those of the neoconservative movement; to protect the world from devastation and to unite all people within our nation. They would be able to do this easily…if only they embraced their second amendment rights. The liberal propaganda machine behind Pokemon wants you to believe Team Rocket is evil, but not evil enough to use the greatest deliverer of good the world has ever known.
4. Pokemon Destroyed Herman Cain’s Presidential Campaign
For a while, it looked like former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain was going to take our country back from Barack Hussein Obama. With his 9-9-9 economic policy that totally made sense and an inspiring stump speech, Cain catapulted up to the top of the polls and seemed poised to be the changemaker Obama promised he would be. That was until Cain began quoting Pokemon: The Movie 2000 on the campaign trail. While his message was appropriate, the source resulted in him being maligned by the corporate media. Pokemon allowed Mitt Romney to receive the nomination, removing all hope for a brighter future.
5. Pokemon Is Against Traditional Family Values
While America may not have its act together, Ukraine certainly does! What does the government in Ukraine have to say about Pokemon? The National Commission for Moral Affairs in Ukraine requested for the television series to be banned, as it is “aimed at the destruction of the family and promotes the use of drugs and other vices”. The show’s three main characters, Ash, Misty, and Brock, all come from abnormal families, or any family where there is not a mother and father present. Ash was raised by a single mother. Misty and Brock, both teenagers, have no parental presence in their life at all; Brock in particular is tasked with being the primary caretaker of his siblings. How dare they not have nuclear families? Shame on those kids. Speaking of Brock…
6. Brock. Barack. COINCIDENCE?
Commonly in anime, while presumptively the characters are of Asian descent, they typically look white. This is true in Pokemon, except for Brock, whose burnt sienna skin clashes against the ivory white skin of the other characters. His name also is suspiciously close to that of Barack Hussein Obama. So much so, in fact, that Google searches for “Brock Obama” will yield an internet meme combining the two.
7. Pokemon X and Y Is FULL of Liberal Ideology
This picture speaks for itself. What more do you really need to know?
Everybody in the United States loved the way our healthcare system was before Obamacare came along. So how DARE this graph suggest otherwise?
If you listen to truthful radio programs, like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Mark Levin, then you know that every single citizen of the United States believes that we have the most amazing perfect health care system in the world. They are constantly telling their listeners that our health care system is the BEST, there is nothing wrong with it, and that it is stupid for Obama to try to change something that was perfect to begin with.
The guests on their show all, without exception, call in so that they can tell Sean and Rush and Mark that their health insurance was more awesome than angel kisses and more colorful than a unicorn’s ass, and they are just pissed off that Obama wanted to come along and make it different.
So how is it possible that this survey shows that the overwhelming majority of Americans believe that the U.S. healthcare system is fundamentally flawed?
I don’t know where these surveys are getting their “numbers” or “facts” or whatever you want to call it… but clearly, this survey must have some kind of liberal bias!!!
Republican former Senator Scott Brown infamously tweeted “Bqhatevwr” as part of a string of unusual tweets on January 26, 2013.
This was a bold and courageous move on the part of Scott Brown!
Put plainly, “Bqhatevwr” can be defined this way:
“I would say ‘whatever’, but I actually don’t even care enough about what you are talking about to do that.”
This is a perfect, elegant and concise expression of the conservative view of the role of government in domestic affairs.
Consider these examples:
1. Many Americans are suffering because they can’t afford health insurance and they can’t afford preventative medical care. Obamacare takes steps in the direction of providing a government solution to this problem, but conservatives oppose that. What do conservatives think the government response to human suffering should be? Bqhatevwr.
2. America’s roads and bridges are crumbling. Obama wants to raise taxes to help build new ones, but conservatives are of course against this. What do conservatives think the government’s reaction to crumbling infrastructure should be? Bqhatevwr.
3. More Americans than ever before are hungry, unemployed, looking for work in a depressed job market, and struggling to make ends meet. Obama is trying to help these people to survive until they are able to find work by providing them with food stamps, but of course conservative hate this solution. How do conservatives think the government should react to starving unemployed people who are trying to get by while they look for work? Bqhatevwr.
Liberals will try to cast this attitude as “heartless” and “cold” and blah blah blah and all that noise.
Moreover, they clearly did not understand the deep and profound message of Bqhatevwr. The tweet was considered bizarre, and was immediately met with mockery in the liberal media. It became an overnight sensation on the liberal website Twitter, where it instantly became a trending topic world-wide.
Bullied by the liberally biased media, Scott Brown eventually deleted the tweets and tried to dismiss “Bqhatevwr” as a pocket-tweet.
But here is the real truth of the matter:
Real conservatives simply think the human suffering and decaying infrastructure are none of government’s damn business.
Don’t let the conservative vision of a Bqhatevwr America die. Please remember to use the term “Bqhatevwr” as often as possible, in all of your political discussions. Remember to tweet the hashtag #Bqhatevwr every chance you get.
Once upon a time there was a little political party called GOP-locks. She lived at the edge of the forest with her family. One morning, while she was out picking flowers, she realized that there were a whole crapload of poor and unhealthy people who couldn’t afford health care.
For many decades, GOPlocks tried to just ignore the desperately poor people who were dying because they couldn’t afford health care. Eventually, though, she realized that she needed to make a plan.
So she walked into a house that someone else had built (GOP-locks didn’t build houses, although she did approve of other people doing so), and the looked at the dining table to see that it had already been set. There, laid out in three bowls on the table, were three possible Healthcare plans. She decided to try a little bit of each one.
She sat down and looked at the first health care plan. It filled the bowl all the way to the top. She said: “This health care plan covers everybody. But that will never work, because it’s too expensive! I could never afford a health care plan that covers everybody!”
She moved over to the next health care plan, which was in a bowl that was only part-way full. She said: “This health care plan covers only some people. But that’s not fair! That’s death panels! I simply cannot accept a health care plan the covers only some people!”
Finally, she moved over to the last bowl, which was completely empty. She said: “Aaaahhh…. this plan is not expensive, and it is completely fair! This health care plan covers nobody, and is JUST RIGHT!”
That is the end of the tale of GOPlocks and the Three Healthcare Plans.
There has been a lot of good news for Obamacare lately, which is obviously bad news for people who support Freedom, Liberty, and other capitalized words.
So in the interest of being fair and balanced, we have decided to present to you a side-by-side comparison of some good news headlines and quotes about Obamacare next to the bad news headlines and quotes about Obamacare. When you look at it this way you will see that Obamacare, much like Global Warming and Evolution, is something with two points of view and obviously every perspective is valid so it’s impossible to decide anything, ever.
Pro Obamacare: “8.5 million people got an average of a $100 in rebates last year.” — CNN
Pro Obamacare: “In South Florida, 83,700 young adults have been able to stay on their parents’ insurance plan, 75,800 senior citizens are getting discounts on their medicine, and 1.4 million patients are getting preventive care without co-pays or deductibles.” — Sun-Sentinel
Pro Obamacare: “The number of double-digit rate increases requested by health insurers has plummeted over the past four years.” — Washington Post
Anti Obamacare: “Obamacare is going to make the emerging doctor shortage in America a lot worse.” — EndOfTheAmericanDream.com
Anti Obamacare: “[Obamacare] will destroy the very health and wellbeing of… millions of hardworking Americans.” — National Review
Anti Obamacare: “The Ohio Department of Insurance predicts premiums in 2014 will rise by 88 percent, a direct result of President Obama’s Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.” — Independent Journal Review
As you can see from these examples, there are just as many negative effects as there are positive effects of Obamacare. It’s pretty much up in the air, undecided, and indeterminate. Who can decide?
Of course, some people might point out out that the good points about Obamacare are things that actually have already happened, while the bad points about Obamacare are all speculations about what might or might not happen in the future.
But we don’t listen to those people… they just have liberal bias.
A very interesting article appeared today on ProjectMillenial.org, explaining why it is critical for the GOP to stand up for the rights of a terribly down-trodden group in our society: upper-middle-class and upper-class young white males.
First, let’s examine what this graph tells us. This shows the number of single, childless adults who are in the individual health insurance market, divided into three broad age groups: 19-25, 26-30, and 31-35. These groups are important, because it has long been known that the people who will see the biggest increases in their rates under the Dreaded Obamacare are young (19-25 year old) males.
This is part of a very well-known phenomenon: “Obama’s war on bros“. Over and over again, good conservatives have pointed out that 25 year old men will bear the brunt of the Obamacare rate increases.
If you are paying very close attention, you might ask this question: “Where does “upper-middle-class” enter the picture? Isn’t Obamacare a war on all young people?”
Well, not really. This is where the red bars in the above graph come into play. The differently-colored bars indicate different income levels, and the red bars represent those people who have income that is low enough that they qualify for government assistance under the terms of Obamacare.
As you can see, it turns out that most young people who are part of the individual health insurance market also quality for government assistance, because they make less than 138% of the Federal Poverty Line (FPL), which is the cut-off for people in this group to receive the Medicaid Expansion proposed as part of the Obamacare package.
Of course, everyone knows good conservatives hate government assistance, and hate Medicaid in particular. So much so, in fact, that almost all of the good conservative states have opted to not implement the Medicaid expansion (PDF).
Which means that these conservative states could shield these young people from the dreaded Obamacare Rate Increases, simply by implementing the Medicaid expansion portion of the Obamacare package…
“…..but, you know what?,” Republican Governors across the country have said, “We’re not gonna do that.”
Because in the end, the amount that we hate “government assistance” far outweighs the amount that we care about poor young people. (After all, most of them aren’t even white!!)
So, in conclusion: Republicans really, really care about the terrible burden that Obamacare will create for young, non-poor white guys. This will make a great rallying cry for 2014.
This graph shows that the number of double-digit health insurance rate hikes has dramatically dropped since Obamacare took effect. This must be a lie, since it contradicts conservative values.
According to a report from the Obama administration, in both 2009 and 2010 more than 70% of health insurance rate hikes were in the double digits (i.e. more than 10%). However, in 2011 a portion of the Obamacare legislation kicked in that required all health insurance companies to get approval for any rate hikes more than 10%. As you can see in the graph above, this is when the number of actual double-digit rate hikes began a dramatic decline.
The problem with this graph is that is seems to suggest that Obamacare is actually helping. Some people might look at this graph and think that the new government regulation was actually having a positive effect, by making fewer health insurance companies jack up their prices by huge amounts.
Conclusions like that are, obviously, unacceptable.
Instead, you should simply ignore this graph and focus on the fact that THERE EXISTED SOME rate hikes that were more than 10% in the past year. After all, if there are at least some of these double-digit hikes, then that means that Obamacare didn’t stop the problem completely and therefore is a total and utter failure in every way.