Obamacare will cause a surge in part-time employment, any minute now!

Just yesterday, November 11th 2014, the conservative “Power Line Blog” sang songs of doom and gloom for the Affordable Care Act (i.e. Obamacare), and predicted: “2015 is the year when the employer mandate begins to take effect (it is phased in over several years, depending on the size of the employer). As the mandate takes effect, many employers will either lay off workers or reduce their hours below 30 per week so that they are not eligible for health insurance, or they will terminate their plans altogether.”

It’s important to point out that the above quote is from YESTERDAY, since it essentially is the same prediction that conservatives made in 2010:

“Employers may decide to limit the number of full-time employees, favoring part-time employees instead.”

And in 2011:

Obamacare Will Price Less Skilled Workers Out of Full-Time Jobs

And in 2012:

Will ObamaCare turn us into a nation of part-time employees?

And in 2013:

Wendy’s Franchisee Slashes Employee Hours To Sidestep Obamacare

 

Yet, weirdly, when you look at the actual data on part-time employment, shown in this graph below made from an analysis of BLS data, they show that although part-time employment surged as a consequence of the 2008 recession, it has actually decreased slowly but steadily each of the years since Obamacare was signed into law.

Full time vs. part time employment and Obamacare a.k.a. the Affordable Care Act

Decreased each year… despite each year conservative pundits screaming that surely–without a doubt–Obamacare will lead us to a “part time economy.”

That’s why it is so notable that now, in 2014, we have yet another conservative blogger predicting that this time no really honest-to-goodness 2015 is the actual year it will happen! We will just see a skyrocket in part-time employment, because of Obamacare.

Really. This time. Any minute now!

You just wait.

 

ISIS and Ebola: the real consequences of raising taxes on the rich

Obama has raised taxes. Everybody knows it. Obama was elected, he waived his magic Liberalism Wand, sign an executive order or two, and now everyone is paying way too much in taxes. Not just everyone: YOU.  You are paying too much in taxes, and it’s Obama’s fault.

Consider the following graph of the highest and lowest marginal income tax rates over the last 100+ years. Because this graph has liberal bias, it seems to show that tax rates increase for the rich and not for the poor. But still, rich people matter.  A LOT. Therefore, this graph basically proves that taxes have been raised on everyone… or at least, everyone who matters.

Historical marginal tax rates on the rich and the poor.

In case you find the above graph a bit overwhelming or confusing (who wouldn’t?) we have simplified it for you in the following way:

HELP OBAMA RAISED MY TAXES!!!!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  Not only has income tax on the super-rich increased, but capital gains tax (the other type of tax that most rich people pay) has also increased!!  All you need to do is look at the illustrated graph below to see how sad this is:

All the taxes on the rich people have gone up and that makes them really sad

What have we seen as the negative result of this increase?  ISIS and Ebola.  Now, I know that some people, for example the head adviser and chief of staff for Ted Cruz, have tried to blame Ebola on Obamacare:

Advisor to Ted Cruz blames ebola on Obamacare

But that’s just ignorant. Clearly, both ISIS and Ebola are part of the LARGER PATTERN in our economy, namely: the fact that the rich are paying a little bit more lately.

Did we have ISIS before taxes on the top 1% were raised? NO!

Did we have Ebola before taxes on the top 1% were raised? NO!

I rest my case. If anybody tries to tell you otherwise, the only appropriate response is to yell LIBERAL BIAS!!!!

 

Domestic US oil production has a liberal bias!

Oil. Black gold. Liquid prosperity. Conservatives know that oil is better than anything else in the earth, including water. As a result, Republicans have been working tirelessly to convince the world’s weakest iron-fisted dictator, Barack Obama, to authorize the Keystone XL pipeline and allow that sweet Canadian happiness to flow to the Gulf of Mexico, leaking jobs, tax cuts and world peace along its way.

Which is why we can’t have graphs like the one below getting out, especially this close to a midterm election which is on November 18 (minus the number of tracks on Ted Nugent’s newest album). (HA HA SEE WHAT I DID THERE? THAT WAS TO CONFUSE ST00PID LIBERALS.)

Domestic US oil production has a liberal bias!

This graph is just… misleading. For one thing, the economy stinks. Sarah Palin told us that if she were elected and we went forward with “Drill, Baby, Drill” it would bring about an Eden-like utopia of bliss and universal wealth.

But we don’t live in an Eden-like utopia, which means the factual data that oil production is up by 50% since 2008 must be incorrect.

The economy is so bad that Americans in many parts of the country are even resorting to making stuff for consumers in other countries. And employers, already beaten down by Obama’s enviro-socialist shock troops, are now suffering under more unfilled job openings than they have in 13 years.

Dreadful.  Clearly, one of the things must be true:

Either A, Obama has happily been increasing domestic oil production, resulting in the lowest gas prices in 4 years and a booming economy.

Or B, Obama is an evil socialist dictator who can’t possibly do anything right, and the economy is terrible no matter what statistics say, and the above graph is just wrong, and your facts are stupid you dumb stupid-head.

 

Clearly, if you’re a good conservative, you have to go with B….

Border security spending graph has a liberal bias!

There’s an invasion taking place right under our noses! Armies of enemies move unimpeded across our border with Mexico, leaving a trail of Qur’ans, deadly viruses and broken dreams in their wake!

And Barack “Mom Jeans” Obama refuses to do anything about it. How hard could it possibly be to build an impenetrable 2000-mile long fence and guard every inch around the clock? If Mitt “self-deportation” Romney were President now, North Korea would be sending official visitors to marvel at the mile-wide swath of death and destruction securing us against… well, the grandparents of future Mitt Romneys.

But it’s even worse than mere incompetence. Anyone who listens to right-wing radio knows that Obama is actually deliberately increasing illegal border crossings in order to literally destroy America!

For him, every immigrant is a new Democratic voter. Luckily, we conservatives see them for what they really are: brown, possibly infected, almost certainly jihadist, invariably lazy DEMOCRAT VOTERS!

Now, some Democrats (probably illegal aliens themselves) would point to the following graph as “proof” that Obama is actually investing a great deal in securing our border:

Federal law enforcement spending graph: what about the border?

Oh, please. Are we really supposed to believe that the government spends 15 times more on keeping Mexico out than on the Agency for Trampling Freedom (ATF) whose job it is to round up peace-loving gun owners? Or that we spend more than twice the FBI’s entire budget at the border?

Nuh uh. No way. That’s not a statistic that makes sense to me. It must be wrong. I believe statistics like the fact that Obama spent 200 million dollar per day on a trip to India. Now THAT is a “statistic” I can get behind.

This other graph? It just HAS to be wrong.

La-la-la-la-la.

This graph proves that the only way to fight abortion is to call women sluts

Next to children getting food and medical care they didn’t pay for, the biggest moral failure of our great nation is abortion. Fortunately, the number of abortions in the US is falling rapidly. The following graph shows the change in the number of abortions under each of our last five Presidents.

Trend in abortions over the last five presidentsNow, if you are an unsophisticated liberal you might be fooled into thinking this graph somehow shows that liberal presidents are better than conservatives at preventing abortion. That would be ridiculous.

Luckily, you have me here to explain to you the correct way of looking at this graph. As George W. Bush taught is, “correlemation does not mean causification.” You see, even though abortions have been down under Obama, there is another factor going on that is not apparent from this graph: PUBLIC SLUT SHAMING!

Consider these recent examples of conservative stalwarts who refuse to let their poor, underrepresented white, male voices be ignored:

Rush Limbaugh: “What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex [by suggesting that college health plans should cover birth control]? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute.”

Rick Santorum advisor Foster Friess, suggesting innovative solutions to our rising health care costs: “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”

George Will addressed the related issue of rising reports of rape: “When they make victimhood a coveted status that confers privileges, victims proliferate.”

 

Obviously, if you understand the details of human nature the way conservatives do, you know that these statements must be what caused women to have fewer abortions. After all, the only thing that stops abortions is making sure women know that they are disgusting sluts and hussies if they ever want to have sex.

Of course, some liberals might suggest that there are alternative explanations for the decrease in abortions under Obama, like the fact that when programs such as those mandated under Obamacare provide free preventative healthcare it reduces the risk of abortion.

But that’s just dumb.

 

This graph of the size of government has a LIBERAL BIAS!

Total government employees during the Reagan years and during the Obama years

Liberals love big, bloated government like bears love honey. This is axiomatic like gravity or the fact that tax cuts pay for themselves. And yet, some ridiculous libtard™ posted to the twitter the pair of graphs above. The first is the number of federal employees during the golden decade (1980-1989) when freedom-loving patriots preached and followed the golden rule: Government is the problem. The second is when Obama wrecked the economy with his tax-and-spend debt-mongering designed to accelerate our decline into crony communism, poverty and Sharia Law.

This graph is stupid and liberally biased, because it might give the impression that Reagan made the government bigger and Obama made the government smaller.

The slopes of these graphs are obviously wrong. But I have discovered how to unskew these graphs, and remove the liberal bias!

You see, the notoriously left-leaning federal reserve (what could be more cliché than a liberal millionaire bank executive?) is indiscriminately treating one government employee like any other! Let’s look closer.

During the 80s, Reagan was busy stomping his jackboot into the neck of the Soviet menace. So, at least some of that employment is Marines kicking ass in Grenada and shit. This kind of employment leads to more freedom, not less, so it should obviously be subtracted from the total employment.

Moreover, we all know that Obama has hired secret off-the-book government employees to harass Tea Party patriots. You can see the obvious evidence in things like the IRS scandal and Lois Lerner. Look it up yourself, it’s not my job to do your research for you.  Anyway, these secret undercover government employees should clearly be added to total government employment under Obama.

Once we take these two factors into account–adjusting the totals in each graph using my own totally-real and not-at-all made-up estimates of Marines kicking ass in Grenada and shit (MKAIGAS’s) and the Black Ops Patriot Harassment Brigade (BOPHB), the plots look much different.

Total government employees under Reagan and Obama, unskewed with no liberal bias

As you can see, when the numbers have been carefully massaged and corrected to take into account Conservative Ideology and Truth… the legacy of Ronald Reagan remains unsullied, and Obama really has bloated the size of government!

Another liberal fiction bites the dust. <blows smoke off revolver-finger>

 

FLOWCHART: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style

Ferguson-approved police work flowchartThat actions of the Ferguson police department over the last two weeks have shown us, if nothing else, that you really can completely militarize a civilian area in the United States and lock down American citizens, and get at least a portion of people on your side. It seems like it should be a PR nightmare… and to an extent it is.

But the above handy-dandy flow-chart will guide you through the step-by-step process of making sure that you can always find excused and places to put the blame. So we present to you: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style!

(A process vetted and approved by the Ferguson PD in 2014!)

Atheism causes obesity, teen misbehavior, contraception and sharks!

Today’s letter is about the decline of religion, and its terrible effects on our society and our culture.

Dear Pastor Gregory:As a good Republican — who follows the Biblical model for marriage, of course — I stay at home while my husband works. Needless to say, I have a TON of free time and love watching Fox News (the only fair and balanced source of TRUTH other than Jesus Christ).

If I have learned anything in my years of TV-research it’s that Americans are rapidly loosing their Christian values! We seem to be over-run by atheists in this country, and I’m worried about what might happen as a result?

Sincerely,
Megan

You are so right, Megan! The God, the guns, and the guts that made this country free are being replaced by a pro-Muslim, pro-baby-killing, pro-socialist atheists. And there has even been a study that shows that atheism is on the rise in the United States, and belief in the One True God is on the decline.

Religious Decline, the rise of Atheism

And as far as what might happen as a result of this decline in religious belief… well, I hate to tell you this, Megan, but: It already is happening.

Usually numbers, facts, and statistics are used by the Devil to trick you into believing Worldly-lies, but in this case they seem to make sense. We can take a look at the above graph, showing the decline of religion, and find a direct correlation between that and:

INCREASING OBESITY!

obesity graphGod’s ways are not fat-ways.

In Daniel 1:12 it is written, “Give us nothing more than vegetables to eat and water to drink.” You see Megan, all fat people are worshiping the Devil, and are atheists.

That’s why there are so many fat people right now. To bring this country back to our Founding Father’s healthy habits, celery sticks and ice chips should be the only foods sold for an entire year.

A DECLINE IN TEEN MOTHERS!

Birth rate for teen momsJust 28 verses into the first pages of our Holy Bible God commands, “Be fruitful and multiply!” (Genesis 1:28). With the decline of Christianity in America, this command is being ignored; teenage girls are not able to fulfill their God-given baby-making purpose. We truth-bearing-conservatives must promote legislation that gets our girls pregnant ASAP or the wrath of God will be unleashed – will we be the next Sodom and Gomorrah?!

Compare this graph to the first one, and you can clearly see the relationship: Both are going down. Obviously, the decrease in Godly beliefs is causing a decline in fertility among young women.

INCREASING CONTRACEPTION USE!

contraception use graphIt’s with cosmic crochet needles that God “knits us together in our mother’s womb,” (Psalm 139:13) making this decline in American religiosity far more terrifying than ever before. In many states like California, baby-killing has become a sport in which Democratic legislators battle for the most throats they can force contraception down! Ok, that might not literally be true BUT THIS GRAPH IS STILL SCARY FOR TRUE CHRISTIANS!

Once again, I have to point out the obvious relationship between this graph and the first one: as belief in God goes down, contraception use goes up! COINCIDENCE???

….AND AN INCREASE IN THE NUMBER OF SHARKS BEING CAUGHT!

Graph number of sharks caughtLook at this terrifying graph. As Godliness in America has steadily declined, so the number of sharks being caught has gone up. Could the end of Christendom could also mean THE END OF SHARK WEEK!? Second only to the Christmas season, Shark Week is an American holiday dating back to the times of Pilgrims and Indians… but as religion is replaced with idolatrous Obama-worship, sharks are being caught.

If the liberals have their way, they will be replaced by non-violent pacifish (illustrated on the graph to the left for your convenience)!

Is that what you want, America? Is that REALLY what you want?

Sincerely,

Pastor Gregory

 

RELATED ARTICLE:  Obama causes lightning, cats, and suicide!

The Obama economic recovery is the strongest in the world, according to liberal statistics

Thanks Obama for the strong economic recovery!

If you listen to conservative talk radio and Fox News, you know that our economy right now is TERRIBLE.  The economy originally started to tank in December of 2007, because of Barack Obama, and it has never fully recovered. On literally a daily basis, you can hear Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, and other conservative commentators referring to our current economy as “bleak”, and “stagnant”, and “horrific”, and “crashed”, and “dead”, and other words that all mean the same thing.

Naturally, whenever conservative commentators talk about how TERRIBLE the United States economy currently is, they never miss an opportunity to point out that the reason it is terrible is Barack Obama.

Yet somehow, liberally biased “statistics” tell a different story.  In fact, according to the graph above, the United States economy has recovered from the world-wide 2007-2008 recession more than any other country in the world, and the only country in the world that showed faster improvement (by marginal amounts) was Germany.

But how can this possibly be, when Obama has been the worst King of America since Satan was King of America in the year 2000 B.C.?

Obviously, these statistics must be wrong, and biased, and/or fabricated by the Illuminati.

The current U.S. economy is terrible, it is horrible, it is the worst economy ever… and if you think otherwise, you clearly just have a LIBERAL BIAS!!!!!!

How can the economy be good when some people hate their jobs, huh?

Data Source: Statistical Office of the European Communities; CEA calculations
Graph Source: AATTP.org

Five specific GOP predictions about Obamacare: TRUE OR FALSE?

Back before Obamacare was passed, good conservative Republicans made MANY DIRE PREDICTIONS about all of the things that would go wrong with Obamacare if it was made into law.

Well, most of Obamacare has now been implemented, so let’s see how accurate these predictions were! Specifically, the Commonwealth Fund has released the results of a new survey to find out what people’s real, true, actual experiences with Obamacare have been.

PREDICTION 1: Obamacare won’t really cover any new people!

Republicans were making the sensible prediction that all Obamacare would do is make lazy people even lazier by making the taxpayers pay for their insurance, but it would not actually insure more people.

Result:

Obamacare: Uninsured Rate Declines

(About 9.5 million adults gained new coverage, and that figure does not include children.)

PREDICTION 2: The coverage provided by Obamacare will be worse!

Republicans predicted that people will be worse off with Obamacare plans than they were before, because Obamacare is socialist and socialism is always bad.

Result:

Obamacare: people are better off

(Fifty-eight percent of those who signed up for Obamacare — either for Medicaid or private insurance — said that they were better off than they were before than had their new insurance plan.)

PREDICTION 3: People will hate the Obamacare plans!

Republicans were frantically going around finding people who didn’t like their new Obamacare plans in order to prove that everyone hated it.

Result:

Obamacare: most people like their coverage

(78% of the people surveyed reported being satisfied with their new Obamacare insurance.)

PREDICTION 4: People signing up won’t even use the coverage!

Obamacare will be forcing people to buy coverage that they won’t even use!

Result:

Obamacare: most people have used their coverage

(Three out of five enrollees have used their new insurance — most were people who couldn’t afford care before.)

PREDICTION 5: Obamacare will cause long lines and wait times, nobody will be able to get appointments!

Just like in Canada, right!?!?

Result:

Obamacare: most people got appointments quickly

(More than a third were able to get appointments within a week, more than half were able to get appointments within two weeks.)

SO WHAT IS THE VERDICT?

The Republican predictions about the failure of Obamacare are…. well, just look at the graphs!

I think “Close Enough!” pretty much captures it, don’t you?

Michael Savage identifies three reasons to impeach Obama, and we have data to back it up!

Michael Savage is a guy with a radio show. He’s a true-blue conservative. He spent a full three hours on his show yesterday on the question: “Should Obama be impeached?” He came out with a very strong answer of yes, and he gave several very specific reasons why Obama should be impeached.

I was impressed. However, I felt sorry for Mister Savage because, being on a radio show, he couldn’t show data to back up and prove the points he was making.

So I have decided to do it for him here. I’m going to go through his list of things that Obama has done, according to Michael Savage, that are so terrible… so disastrous… so downright evil… that they merit bringing articles of impeachment against him.

Here we go.

“We have an out of control president who has plotted to break our borders down… If China took over this country, it could not do more harm to this country than [Obama] has done already. I stand by those words. They couldn’t have done it as fast as he’s done it. And that’s because of white guilt… So now he’s busted our borders wide open… without borders, there is no nation.”

This is true: illegal immigration is worse than ever before, and has gotten dramatically worse under Obama. Before Obama came around, illegal immigration was a minor problem, but Obama has just given up on enforcing the borders, and is letting people just come in willy-nilly. You can tell from these graphs:

Immigration

Deportations by Fiscal yearObviously you can see the dramatic change in immigration policy when Obama became president.


“The rockets are flying into Israel. Thank God the iron dome system that was given to Israel by the U.S., before we had a communist revolution, the iron dome system shot down all of the rockets fired by the Islamists, and Israel has countered with airstrikes against the Gaza strip, killing some of the vermin… The world is in pieces now. The most incompetent, duplicitous administration this country has ever seen, and I pray to God we can survive him, has wrecked the entire world.”

This is also true: There was never any conflict in the middle east before Obama was president. Certainly, the number of attacks on Israel has skyrocketed  since Obama took office, because Palestinians are emboldened by the fact that he’s a secret Muslim. Here is the data that proves it:

Terrorism against Israel has skyrocketed since Obama took office.

As you can see, from 2009 t0 2012, there has been an EXPLOSION of attacks on Israel that were clearly caused by Obama’s foreign policy.


“I predicted he would break the borders. And I’ll make another prediction, he’s going to go for your guns next. I make the prediction that he will go for the second amendment next. He’s gonna go for broke. He’s going to go to the wall on every last agenda item in the Communist manifesto. The Communist Party USA has disappeared, has gone underground and has come back up inside the Obama administration…. this is their agenda. Disarm the citizenry and then you can manipulate them any way you want.”

This is something that every gun owner in the United States knows to be true. But can we prove it with data? Well, of course we can’t prove a prediction until it happens.

But as one final dire warning, I can leave you with this very dramatic, very striking graph that should send chills down your spine:

Obama wants to come after your guns and here is proof

Extremist Democrats reject celebrated icon Cesar Chavez

I am proud to be born and raised in the suburbs of Phoenix, Arizona, a hotbed of American conservatism that is helping to steer the entire nation on the right track. With the most conservative state legislature in the country, we tried to pass a law making it legal to discriminate against gay peo…I mean, protect religious freedom. We passed the “most extreme immigration bill in history,” and by extreme, I mean EXTREMELY AWESOME. The sheriff of our largest county assisted action star Steven Seagal in killing a puppy. Arizona is a wonderful place.

But deep within the heart of metropolitan Phoenix resides one congressional district so reliably liberal, the GOP does not even bother to fight for it. Democrat Ed Pastor has been a congressman since 1991, winning his each of his elections by a 30 point margin or more. Now that he is retiring, several candidates are fighting tooth and nail in a primary battle to take his seat. It is assumed that whoever wins the primary effectively wins the seat, not just for this election but for as long as they want the seat.

What is a freedom loving American to do?

Well, the tea party patriot formerly known as Scott Fistler has the answer!

Last December, he legally changed his name to Cesar Chavez, and his party affiliation to Democrat. And then, in the next logical step, he filed to run for Pastor’s House seat!

I have to say, the response of the Democrat base to the completely legitimate, honest, and worthwhile campaign tactic has been a little disappointing. This man seeks only to share a name with their beloved labor leader and civil rights activist, Cesar Chavez! But what are they doing? They are trying to kick him off the ballet and slap him with a class 2 misdemeanor for “seeking to confuse voters.”

How profoundly distasteful of the Arizona Democratic Party, spitting on the name of Cesar Chavez like that.

Has the state party lost touch with their roots? Do they understand the concept of the transitive property? Cesar Chavez is the epitome of what it means to be a leader in a deeply liberal district. This unemployed 34-year-old candidate is named Cesar Chavez. Therefore, this brave American hero earned the bona fides to become CD-7’s next congressman the moment he changed his name.

Now, if you somehow have some skepticism about the qualifications of this esteemed left-wing candidate, you don’t need worry: you can go and check out all of the important quotes from Chavez himself.

But before you click on that link, let’s test out your intuitions, shall we?

[socialpoll id=”2208794″]

(Correct answer: all of them.)

So to my fellow patriots in CD-7, I am calling upon you to take your district back. Knock on every door in central Phoenix and the southern part of Glendale. Contact the Chavez campaign and get involved with phone banking efforts. Donate what you can. If the GOP is too scared to run against Ruben Gallego or Mary Rose Wilcox, what else are you going to do?

Did a movie starring Michael Pena titled Ruben Gallego come out this year? No. Did one come out titled Cesar Chavez? You bet! Is Mary Rose Wilcox Day a state holiday in Arizona? No. Is Cesar Chavez Day? You bet!

If CD-7 is going to be left, I say LET IT GO ALL THE WAY LEFT…. by voting for Cesar Chavez himself!

 

What does a -2.9% annual GDP growth rate for Q1 2014 really mean?

Fox News Explains GDP Shrinking

The above picture, from Fox News, shows the correct way to report on the recent finding that the national gross domestic product (GDP) shrank by 2.9% (annualized) during the first quarter of 2014. Specifically, this picture is the correct way to report on this finding because it does not distract or confuse people with things like history, comparisons to prior examples, or too many data points.  Plus, you have a frowning unattractive man depicted next to the gigantic negative number: so you know that things must be bad!!!!!

Indeed, the frowning unattractive man also tells you what you should believe about the explanation of this number: “This is obviously a result of an administration, five years of policies… high taxation, high regulation, high spending and high debt.”

How could he possibly be wrong?

Now, some liberals out there will present this same information in a way that is clearly liberally biased. For example, they will show you this graph:

GDP changes by quarter over several years

The problem with this graph is that includes too much information, and it might confuse people. It could even lead to uncomfortable questions, like:

“If a -2.9% growth rate is obviously the fault of President Obama’s policies, then which of President Bush’s policies are to blame for the -8.1% growth rate in 2008?”

Or worse:

“If a -2.9% growth rate is a clear sign that all of liberal philosophy is a total failure, then does that mean that Bush was also completely incompetent and all of his economic philosophies are also total failures?”

Clearly, this kind of thinking simply will not do!

Liberals have also been disseminating this second graph, which shows that although GDP was unusually low in the first quarter of 2014, other economic measures were up. For example, in the following graph we see that the total aggregate hours worked by private-sector nonsupervisory workers 1.4 percent, which is usually associated with higher growth:

Real GDP vs Private Sector Jobs

Showing this graph clearly can cause a liberal bias, because it can lead people to believe that some aspects of the economy have been improving despite that fact that Obama is OMFG KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST HITLER.

If you look carefully, you will see that the above graph includes three data points where the GDP value is just as bad or worse, but the jobs value is worse than the first quarter 2014: these are the points on the same level or below the red point on the vertical axis, but to the left of the red point.

These points all occurred under George Bush as well, once again leading to the question: were those points also “obviously a result of an administration” under George W. Bush of ridiculous economic, and domestic and foreign policy failures?

No, these types of graphs clearly are not what people should be seeing.

People need to be sheltered from the burden of getting too much information, and asking questions. Therefore we applaud Fox News for not falling into that trap. That, after all, is how numbers and statistics can lead to LIBERAL BIAS!!!!

 

Is Bowe Bergdahl literally the worst being that ever existed?

So far, Fox News and conservative social media have taught us that Bowe Bergdahl questioned the mission in Afghanistan, went AWOL, could have been a traitor, and might possibly have even been a jihadist! Every single day, the news just gets worse.

But what if this only scratches the surface of what a terrible force of evil Bowe Bergdahl is to the world? I have not yet heard anyone ask if Bowe Bergdahl’s soul is being returned to the United States intact. He could have produced a horcrux while he was being held prisoner in the middle east. That would make him like the dark lord Voldemort, but worse… because Bergdahl speaks Pashto (the language of terrorists) and at least Voldemort spoke English.

(article continues after image)

Is Bergdahl worse than Voldemort?

Some people say that Bowe Bergdahl is personally responsible for six deaths that resulted from a search mission to find him after he went missing. But can you imagine if he is actually responsible for all of the 6,000+ deaths of U.S. servicemen and women since the War on Terror began? What if Bowe Bergdahl was actually a murderous despot working in secret within the military? These questions must be asked.

Anything is possible in a world where a Kenyan atheist Muslim can elect himself President twice despite the fact that REAL Americans did not vote him in. Vlad the Impaler tops several online lists for being the most evil person in history; maybe we should consider bumping him down to number two?

(article continues after image)

Is Bergdahl worse than Vlad The Impaler?

Now I’m going to say what everybody is thinking:

What if Barack Hussein Obama traded five terrorists and endangered America because Bowe Bergdahl was his HOMOSEXUAL LOVER?

It would not be the first time something like that happened; Abraham Lincoln made Southern farmers fire all their employees after the Civil War because he was totally into dudes. Some people say. So I heard. I’m a reporter, it’s my responsibility to report on everything that some people say. It’s my job to ask the tough questions.

So here’s the real tough question: Is Bowe Bergdahl literally the worst being that ever existed?

I’m just asking the question, like a responsible reporter. But I can say this: I have seen no conclusive evidence that he’s not the worst being that ever existed.

“But what about Cthulhu, Zach?” you might ask.

Until Obama tries to rescue Cthulhu from the lost city of R’lyeh by sending five Muslim terrorists there, Bergdahl’s worse.

FACT.

Is Bergdahl worse than Cthulhu?

Total Jobs has a liberal bias!

Attention all conservatives! The following is an important announcement concerning your Tweets, Facebook Status Updates, and blog comments.

DO NOT EVER talk about the “number of jobs” or in America. We have recently discovered that the total number of employees in the United States today is larger than ever before, even larger than it was right before the George Bush Obama Recession of 2008.

Total Jobs

So if you claim that “jobs have never fully recovered under Obama”… regrettably, the facts apparently do not agree.

And if you claim that “there are fewer people working under Obama”… as sad as it is, this turns out not to be a true statement.

Instead, please make sure you talk about things like “size of the labor force” and “underemployment”. These are awesome words because nobody knows exactly what they mean, and you get get into nit-picky arguments about how they are measured.

When you talk about these things, you can IMPLY that there are fewer jobs than ever under Obama, by saying “The labor force as a percentage of population never recovered under Obama!”  Most people will just assume that this means not as many people are working, and you won’t technically be lying! IT’S A WIN-WIN!

So go forth, my pretties! Leave your comments, post your tweets, and complain that the economy is just the worst thing ever under Obama!

Just make sure you never ever mention the fact that there are more actual employed people now than ever before. That might lead to people’s thoughts having some kind of liberal bias!!!!