China Moves Quickly to Prevent Spread of Inhofe

Inhofe believes the earth is 6000 years old and the antiChrist is real. Therefore he is in charge of science.

World leaders continue to react with horror at the results of the US midterm elections, and specifically the likely ascension of climate change denier James Inhofe (R-OK) to the head of the Senate Committee on Environment.

China, a country that insists on using science class to teach students science instead of how awesome God is, was especially bewildered and dismayed by the recent election results.

“Our scientists warned us that a single Inhofe, left to his own devices, would do serious damage to the environment. It could stop regulating the world’s worst polluters, cause global food unrest and accelerate the destruction of the planet,” said a Chinese spokesperson. “The fact that such a moron is being placed in charge of US environmental policy is deeply troubling to every nation. Deeply troubling.”

Unlike the US, China does not have a national contingency plan to mitigate the effects of global warming by ascending to heaven with Jesus. So today, in a coordinated action to stop the deadly spread of Inhofe, China’s communist leaders partnered with the Kenyan socialist Barack Hussein Obama to ensure that both China and the US will substantially curb greenhouse emissions over the next two decades.

This historic move gives people around the world hope that the deadly spread of Inhofe may be stopped, although Senator James Inhofe himself continued to insist that climate change is a hoax, and even if it isn’t, “the Rapture is coming soon anyway.”

Ep 18: How to discredit the People’s Climate March and prove climate change is a lie

We had reporters on the ground at the People’s Climate March in New York City, and reveal our exclusive footage of the protesters that ABSOLUTELY PROVES that global warming is a hoax, climate change is a myth, and all environmentalists are wrong about everything.

How could footage of an environmentalist rally prove all of these things, you ask? Watch the video to find out.

Our own exclusive footage of the march at 0:19. Review of Tea Party tweets critiquing the march start at 1:28.

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Five scientific facts PROVING climate change is a hoax!

Climate Change is not a fact, but the Rapture is, because my evidence is better than your evidence!

Aren’t you sick of the way liberals treat the calculations of so-called scientists–and even leading accounting firms like PWC–with so much reverence? All they can ever talk about is their liberal “facts” and their liberal “data”. Just this week you’d have read that:

CO2 levels are rising at a dramatically faster rate.”

More than half of US bird species threatened by climate change.”

We’re 20 years away from catastrophe, warns PricewaterhouseCoopers.”

None of that makes any sense to a Christian conservative. You see, what atheist liberals don’t understand is that God never makes any mistakes. Therefore, we have a few “facts” and “data” on our side as well:

FACT: God must want us to burn fossil fuels, because why else would he have buried so many fossils when he created the world 6,000 years ago?

FACT: God must want us to be rich, why else would he have made it so easy to send cash to Joel Osteen?

FACT: God wants us to know that climate change is a ridiculous stupid hoax, because otherwise why would he invent Fox News?

Atheist liberals are so fond of statistics, but here are the statistics that matter:

FACT: Only 24% of Americans–and only 10% of Republicans and Republican leaners–worry a “great deal” about the environment.

Why not? Because they trust God…. oh, and because THE RAPTURE IS COMING.

FACT: 41% of all Americans… more than half of the people living in the South… and 6 in 10 Evangelicals believe Jesus will return to Earth before 2050.

So there you have it, friends. Five scientific facts that prove that there is nothing to worry about. Let liberals plan their big climate march. Let world leaders make their pledges to take action.

Conservatives know better… because God.

How to convince your libtard friends that global warming is a hoax

Today’s letter is about global warming, also known as global climate change, and how to convince your atheistic liberal friends that it’s all a hoax.

Dear Pastor Gregory,
The other day when I was scrapbooking with my girlfriends, and they all teamed up against me when I tried to explain that global warming is a hoax. They asked me how I knew it was a hoax… and it was so awkward when I couldn’t explain. I know it’s True because that’s what my Pastor told me, but how can I explain it to other people?


You’ve got it right, Colleen: Global Warming is a hoax.

More importantly: it’s a hoax made up by the government to undermine Christianity. Now, I know that pot-worshiping libertarian Paul Ryan says Global Warming is “an excuse to grow government, raise taxes and slow down economic growth.” But that’s not the real reason Obama is pushing the global warming lie on the world.

The real motivation behind the Global Warming hoax is the destruction of traditional, deeply-held Christian beliefs. You see, if you are a  good Christian you know only God can change the weather. But if those liberals get you thinking that humans can cause Global Warming, then they have you doubting the supremacy of God.

This isn’t the first time the government has tried to use “science” to cast doubt on serious Christian beliefs, either.

Moon Landing "Teach The Controversy" TextbookBack when I was a young pastor they tried convincing us we landed on the moon! Luckily my religious textbook was able to TEACH THE CONTROVERSY and show me how false the moon landing really was. Our free-loving yet god-hating government spent billions of taxpayer dollars to stage the moon landing.

“Why oh why would they do all of this?” I hear you asking. Because they hate Christianity.

You see, if people think that we can land on the moon, then they might start thinking that heaven isn’t above the sky, like the Bible says. And if heaven isn’t above the sky, then they might think maybe heaven doesn’t exist at all! So the moon landing was part of a plot to get American citizens to stop believing in Biblical heaven.

God BlowsLuckily, God was too tricky for those big government liberals. You see, when they filmed the fake moon landing in the top secret big government liberal research bases in the Arizona desert, they overlooked the fact that GOD BLEW WIND ON THE FLAG during their photo shoot thus disproving the entire thing.

The liberal viewpoint always completely collapses, when you look at the details. So this is how you can explain it to your friends. When they say “how do you know that global warming is a hoax?” then you just say:

“God controls the weather so nobody can rain on His parade! If you don’t believe me, just go research FAKE MOON LANDING and you will be convinced!”

Now go forth, and spread the Good News.

Pastor Gregory


Ep 11: This video is about deep-fried lard and NOT ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING. Honest. No, really.

You should totally eat a pound of deep-fried lard every day. It will not make you fat. How do I know? Science has not proven that it will. Zach patiently goes through all of the explanations that “Lard will make you fat”-deniers use to disprove the so-called “science” that some people think shows that eating tons of lard will make you fat. But obviously, that is all just a big conspiracy.

Some people might think that this video is secretly a metaphor for arguments against climate change. That’s just silly.

St00pid liberals.

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What is a fiscal conservative?

There seems to be a lot of confusion about what the term “fiscal conservative” means these days. We have gathered some images and examples from recent news stories to help clear things up:

Rick Perry's Texas Militia are Fiscal Conservatives

A fiscal conservative says we can’t afford to improve our schools. And also spends millions of dollars to send people to stand at the border, even though they have no power to actually do anything once they get there.

Rolling Coal is something that fiscal conservatives do

A fiscal conservative says that the government wastes too much money and should be more efficient. And also modifies trucks so that they deliberately waste fuel and cause premature engine deterioration.


So, hopefully now you understand better what it means to be a “Fiscal Conservative”.

Can you think of other examples of what it means to be a “fiscal conservative”? Leave it in the comments, and we may add it as an image here!

SHOCKING: Weird climate change poll suggests that money matters to people.

Liberals have been trumpeting a recent poll result that suggests people are willing to pay more for their energy bills in order to fight global warming a.k.a. climate change.

“By an almost two-to-one margin, 62 percent to 33 percent, Americans say they would pay more for energy if it would mean a reduction in pollution from carbon emissions,” says the Bloomberg National Poll website.

This goes against the headlines from 2012, where a Huffington Post poll said that 54% would be unwilling to pay more to fight climate change, compared to only 20% who said they would be willing.

Has the American population shifted its opinion THAT DRAMATICALLY in less than two years?

(the answer is below the image… can you guess it before you scroll down?)

Climate change poll results depend on exactly what the question asks.
Climate change poll results depend on exactly what the question asks.

No, it hasn’t. In fact, there is no evidence that the American people have changed their opinions on this issue at all. This is something that gets us really, really mad here at Liberal Bias because it involves biased reporting about NUMBERS AND STATISTICS, and unfortunately in this case it is not tied to one side of the partisan divide or the other. Both liberals and conservatives have mis-reported this result.

The difference is in the details of the questions on the surveys.

The 2012 survey asked: “If it meant we could stop climate change, would you personally be willing to pay 50 percent more on your gas and electricity bills?” (emphasis added).

The 2014 survey asked: “What if that significantly lowered greenhouse gases but raised your monthly energy expenses by 20 dollars a month – in that case do you think the government should or should not limit the release of greenhouse gases?” (emphasis added).


So the first survey did not find “people unwilling to pay more”; it found “people unwilling to pay 50% more.”

The second survey did not find “people willing to pay more”; it found “people willing to pay $20 more.”

These two survey results, together, do not show that people’s opinions about climate change are “evolving”.  They merely show that the amount of money that people are asked to pay to fight climate change matters.

Shocking result, right?



Now, let’s talk about liberal bias.  For dedicated Tea Partiers and Conservatives, who live in a world where “unbiased” means “not liberal” and “fair and balanced” actually describes what Fox News does, the 2012 poll result represents the real truth, because “OMG FIGHTING GLOBAL WARMING WILL BE SO EXPENSIVE IT WILL CAUSE TOTAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!!!!1”

Obviously, asking people to pay a mere $20 more for climate change is unrealistic, right? We have to make the number big enough to seem scary.  If we don’t make regulation seem scary, well then that is just LIBERAL BIAS.

Do you agree?


An alternative scientific theory of the true causes of climate change and global warming

Today I would like to take time to give an in-depth and serious reply to the following letter that I received from a reader, and brother in Christ:

Dear Pastor Gregory,

I’m writing to you poolside from Tampa, Florida drowning in a cocktail of sweat and suntan lotion. My sunburned and blistered hands, by the grace of God, can just barely tap the keys to type out this letter! With temperatures this high, you can imagine how shocked I was when I overheard co-workers talking about some news reports that HUMANS are melting the Antarctica ice sheet! Are these reports true? is climate change real? Or is this some kind of demonic plot Barack Hussein Obama has cooked up in attempts to take over America?

Warm blessings,

Freezing Fred

Thank you for writing to me with your confusion, Fred. I am happy to help ease your spiritual pain.

I’ve looked into this story your un-saved co-workers were babbling about and it turns out to be true…. BUT for very different reasons than they expected!

You see, liberal scientists love blaming Christian conservatives for everything! Barack Hussein Obama and his socialist base have attempted to blame global warming on conservatives, just because we are pro-business and anti-regulation! Like always, they’re trying to pass legislation that will fiscally suck the middle-class dry so they can liberally spend it on abortions and unemployment checks and other un-Christian things. May God have mercy on their souls!

But our fellow Bible-believing, God-fearing, Tea-Party leaning Christians have shared their knowledge of this topic with us already. It was just the other day our Sunshine State Senator Marco Rubio who in an appearance at the National Press Club made clear, “I do not believe that human activity is causing these dramatic changes to our climate the way these scientists are portraying it”  (emphasis added).


God also spoke directly through Rev. Pat Robertson saying, “It’s getting warmer in Jupiter—and they don’t have any SUVs driving around in Jupiter—it has nothing to do with greenhouse gases it has to do with the action of the sun, there’s either two much sun or not enough sun” (emphasis added).


We don’t need Obama-bought climate scientists to know why Earth is heating up and we definitely don’t need liberals like your co-workers blaming US! ALL WE NEED IS THE BIBLE! And in our Bible Jesus says sinners burn in Hell: “Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.” (Matthew 25:41)

So, putting together all of the knowledge we have learned from Pat Robertson, Marco Rubio, and the Bible, we can come up with a conservative, theologically-correct, alternative scientific theory of global warming. And it is pretty clear:

The Earth is heating up because the sin of liberals is pulling the sun closer to the earth… and also to Jupiter!

It’s actually quite obvious, once you see it clearly. Here is a diagram that you can share with all of your friends to help them to understand:

A theologically-correct, conservative, alternative scientific theory of global warming that has no liberal bias!

So Brother Fred, stay strong in the Lord! With Holy-Spirit-boldness proclaim the gospel of hell-fire-and-brimstone to your co-workers, hold nothing back, for if we cannot change their evil ways, God’s Wrath will burn the planet to a crisp!

We’ll pray for snow in Florida, anything is possible with God on our side!

In Jesus Name,

Pastor Gregory

Liberal graphs round-up: May 14 2014

This first graph shows that attacks during the Obama administration have been dramatically lower than ANY previous Republican administration. This obviously can’t be true, because Benghazi.

Hat tip to @BmoreProgressiv for tweeting this graph, which originally appeared on Mother Jones.

Attacks on U.S. diplomatic targets.

This next graph seems to show that the attitudes of Republicans toward the threat of climate change mirrors the attitudes of fascist, anti-science, oppressive states like Pakistan, Egypt and China. That that is just misleading, because Freedom.

Hat tip to @JeffersonObama for tweeting this graph.

Views on climate change

This next graph shows that Scott Walker’s economic policies have caused job growth in Wisconsin to completely and utterly tank ever since Scott Walker took office, and more specifically since he has been able to implement his conservative economic policies. That, however, must be a liberal illusion of some sort, because Capitalism.

Hat tip to @adbridgeforth  for tweeting this graph.

Wisconsin job growth

Finally, the last image isn’t a graph, but a set of statistics, so it sort of counts. According to this collection of numbers, the Republican Party is disgustingly, disastrously out of touch with the American people! That clearly cannot be right, because Media Bias!

Hate tip to @eelawl1966 for tweeting this image, originally created and shared by @GOPMeme:

Poll results on the issues

Do you know a graph with LIBERAL BIAS that you’d like to see featured? Please email us the tip at or tweet us the graph @LiberalBias!

The Republican Jesus response to the SOTU

As you probably know, the Republicans had three response speeches to President Obama’s State of the Union Address: the Official Republican Response by Cathy McMorris Rodgers, the Tea Party Response by Mike Lee, and the Libertarian-ish Response by Rand Paul.

What you might not realize is that there was another conservative response, as well: the Republican Jesus Response, by Republican Jesus. In case you missed it, I will transcribe it for you here:

Liberals like to pretend that Jesus would look like a hippie. We prefer to think that Republican Jesus would have nice, clean-cut hair and wear an expensive suit. Now THAT's a God worth worshipping!
Liberals like to pretend that Jesus would look like a hippie. We prefer to think that Republican Jesus would have nice, clean-cut hair and wear an expensive suit. Like this guy. Now THAT’s a God worth worshiping!

A chilling black wave of deceptive lies hovered over President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address, as he fumbled through his liberally bias anti-rich-white-guy utopian vision. Channeling his former campaign tactics of left-wing buzz-words, Obama once again threw matchsticks at Godzilla, never addressing issues that I, Jesus, really care about: abortion, creationism, and abortion.

Amidst his theatrical parade, Obama unsurprisingly managed to bring up three of the issues that go the most against everything that I, Jesus, ever stood for:

Minimum Wage
Do you not remember that one time in the Bible when I said “poor will always be with us?” I never once mentioned paying the lazy bastards $10 an hour for their lack of education and wretched lives. In fact, I never said anything about helping poor people, ever!

I don’t care about poor people. I care about hardcore supply-side economic theory. And let’s be honest, putting more money into the hands of low-life high-school drop outs doesn’t increase economic growth, it only increases the price I have to pay for my McDonalds french-fries. Why does Obama want to make me, Jesus, pay more for french-fries?

Global Warming
This miserable excuse of a President then went on to discuss the rapid increasing temperatures of the climate and how he “believe(s) in the overwhelming judgment of science” and wants to act before it’s too late. First of all, nobody is supposed to believe in science. You’re supposed to believe in me.

Plus, does this dude even watch the local news? With all of my might and influence, being God and all, I made it -45 in Chicago this week and a lady in Atlanta literally gave birth to a child in her car because heavy snow had completely halted highway traffic. I’m literally putting thousands of lives in danger just to prove to you that global warming is a hoax. Because it totally makes sense that I would do that.

The never ending health care debacle also continued as Obama tried tugging at our hearts strings with real life examples of how the Affordable Care Act “saved lives.”As if I care about saving lives. I care about conservative economic theory. Anybody who has read the Bible knows that.

If we don’t keep fighting back on this miserable waste of money, hospitals will be no more. We’ll only have hippie communes where baskets of newborn puppies are handed to sick patients to give them a false sense of comfort, all the while nurses in glowing white robes will treat patients with new-age crystals and Reiki healing. Is that what you want?  IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

Mucking through the sulfuric swamp that made up Obama’s lofty State of the Union address, has brought me, Jesus, to the conclusion that Republicans have been hammering into people since day one: President Obama is Americans worst nightmare. We don’t need to wait for “global warming” to destroy the world, we’ve got Barack Hussein Obama for that!

Remember, you heard it directly from me, Republican Jesus.


This ice storm has a liberal bias!

This ice storm has liberal bias!

The headlines read:

A swirling storm with a potential for more than a foot of snow clobbered the mid-Atlantic and the urban Northeast on Tuesday, grounding thousands of flights, closing government offices in the nation’s capital and giving students another day off from school.


Consider the evidence:

1) Five years ago, in 2009, Scientific American was reporting that climate change would result in more severe winter storms with more precipitation.

2) In 2010, Scientific American explained again that global warming should predict heavier, harsher winter storms. They even explain why: “U.S. government scientists predicted [in 2009] that global warming will actually increase snowstorms, thanks to the potent combination of more moisture in the atmosphere from warmer average temperatures paired with the usual cold of winter. The U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change predicted the same in 2007. In short, winter storms are likely to become stronger and more frequent, with stronger winds.”

3) In 2011, the liberal website “The Christian Science Monitor” also explained to people that scientists all expect that gradual warming on a global scale would lead to harsher and more dramatic winter storms.


All good conservatives know that “global warming” is a total hoax designed by atheists to enact a one-world Marxist government through fear and the psychotic tyrannical demand for less pollution.

So how is it possible that this storm just happens to come along, exactly as the theory of global warming predicted??

Obviously, this winter storm must be A LIBERAL, snowing on us and messing with our roads just to try to convert us to liberal ideology.

We have added the appropriate speech bubble to the above picture to illustrate this fact.

Invest in global warming

Reclaiming Language for the Right!

This article is part of a series that explores the ways that conservatives can “take back” some of the phrases that Democrats have been using to push the liberal agenda. Check out the whole series.

Social Justice
Invest in Change

It’s a beautiful 72 degrees here in San Diego. The sky is a rich blue that blankets over every direction, and the suns rays are dancing off every object that moves by my office window. It couldn’t get much better than this, and to be honest with you, it rarely does – it’s always this perfect!

With weather like this I just can’t understand why the so-called “science loving liberals” think the world is ending because of global warming!?

Supporters of climate change were in full attack mode as they found out another one of their “theories” (just like the theory of evolution) was drowning at sea as the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change met in Sweden a few days ago to discuss the latest climate findings.

Their conclusion: Earth’s surface temperature has remained pretty much the same for the past 15 years. Take that, environmentalists.

Global Warming? Nuh uh!

But if for some reason these recent findings aren’t correct, if the many many reports on Fox News are wrong, if somehow the 97 percent of environmental experts and peer-reviewed climate studies affirming the rapid global warming over the past 60 years are actually correct, and if it is true that 97 percent of native forests are destroyed, and if it is true that 200 species are driven extinct each and every day, and if it is true that in 1986 the human population reached Earth’s carrying capacity, and if it is true that we have overexploited fisheries, overgrazed pastures, destroyed ecosystems, polluted our oceans and intoxicated the atmosphere…..

…then why don’t we simply embrace, and invest in, the change?

Liberals complain that global warming would raise sea levels and put much of our land underwater. But we don’t need the land or the soil we walk on today! With enough spending, research, and product development we as the human race could live on top of the water! Walmart, hospitals, office buildings, suburbs, dog parks, universities, hair salons, and every other imaginable space needed for life could be built above water. We can create habitats for animals, grow food from engineered seeds, and even have an entire season of water-sport Olympics!

Liberals complain the global warming would lead to mass extinctions of large numbers of animal species. But we don’t need all of these extra animals hanging around. With more spending and research, we could discover exactly which animals are actually important, we can focus on just saving those animals, for example in small refrigerated coolers. Or, we could simply build animal robots to replace them.

Finally, liberals complain that global warming could lead to deaths from heat stroke and other heat-related health problems. But this is a ridiculous argument, since we invented air conditioning a long time ago. If Barack Hussein Obama just took his boot off the necks of businesses and freed them from unnecessary regulations, then I’m sure the prices of air conditioners would drop enough for poor people to afford them, too.

All it takes is believing in the American spirit of innovation!


Climate change is obviously false BUT JUST IN CASE IT ISN’T …. Barrack Hussein Obama needs to get his greedy hands off the tech-industries so that we can invest in a new, globally-warmed future!

Radical new conservative movement denies that humans exist

Humans are a figment of God's imagination

In an effort to combat liberal bias in science, a new conservative religious movement fights “evolutionist propaganda” by denying that human creation ever happened.

Over the last several decades, there have been two major public fracas between Science and  Religion: Global Warming and Evolutionism. Although religious conservatives have had a great deal of success in convincing people that global warming is a hoax, they have not had the same level of success on the topic of evolution. Among the incredibly intelligent United States voters, only 41% believe in human-caused climate change, but a whole 63% believe in evolution in some form.

Obviously, conservatives have to step up their game in combating this evolutionism stuff.

Pastor William Jennings, of the First National Church of the Real Conservative Jesus, believes that this difference is due to a difference in the approach being made in each debate.

“In the debate about global warming, conservatives have taken the strongest, largest, hardest, most extreme position possible: they have simply denied that global warming exists at all. If they had taken some kind of wishy-washy, in-between stance, like insisting that global warming is happening but it’s too late to do anything about it, or that it’s happening but it’s not entirely caused by humans, then the message wouldn’t have been as effective,” explains Jennings. “The only way we have convinced people has been to be as extreme as possible.”

Jennings goes on to explain that this is not what conservatives have done in the evolution argument. “The real core question, philosophically, is how did humans come into existence? Instead of debating whether humans came into existence this way or that way, conservatives should follow the lead of Global Warming Deniers: simply deny that humans came into existence at all.”


Humans are a figment of God's imaginationThe First National Church of the Real Conservative Jesus has been teaching that in fact, human beings do not exist. If humans do not exist, and have always not existed, then there is no need to even ask the question of how they came into existence.

“It’s kind of a combination of Aristotelian philosophy and solipsism,” says Jennings. “Since God has always existed, and we are a figment of God’s imagination, then not only do we not exist, but we’ve been a figment of God’s imagination for an eternity. Therefore the whole idea of a ‘beginning’ of humanity is just the wrong question to ask.”

Although this philosophical movement is very new, it certainly seems to have a great deal of potential. Very recently, California Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher got a lot of press for claiming that global warming is a complete hoax perpetrated simply to try to generate a world government.

“If we could just convince people that the whole idea that humans were created at all is also a hoax,” suggests Jennings, “That just might be extreme enough to convince more people that evolution is wrong.  Or at least, to convince more Republicans.”


The GOP applauds the New England Blizzard for not giving in to “global warming”

Belief in climate change by party and temperature


Belief in climate change by party and temperature

In honor of blizzard “Nemo”, which buried New England under feet of snow this past weekend, we are ready to reveal a new GOP strategy to win over independent voters: MORE BLIZZARDS.

The above graph, recently published in the research journal “Climate and Society”, tells you everything you need to know. It shows how people who identify with different political parties (Democrat, Republican, and Independent) are affected by unusual changes in temperature. The basic findings of the study are as follows:

1) Republicans are always right: they have a very low probability of believing in climate change, no matter what the temperature is outside. Good for them.

2) Democrats are always wrong: they have a very high probability of believing in climate change, no matter what the temperature is outside.  Obviously that means they have been indoctrinated and are so ideologically skewed that nothing will change their minds.

3) Independents believe in climate change when it is warm outside, and do not believe in climate change when it’s cold outside.


Following the release of this study, the GOP has announced a new plank in the Republican Party Platform: Republicans are now officially “Pro-Winter Storm”!

For the sake of conservatism and the Republican party, we therefore would like to propose that from now on Presidential Elections only be held on the days of or immediately following really bad winter storms.


After all, just look at the graph above: the numbers make is clear that high temperatures just lead to liberal bias!!!


graph data source: Hamilton & Stampone in Weather, Climate and Society (2013)
graph found via: