Ellen Page’s sexuality destroyed my marriage!

This is what all lesbians look like
This is what all lesbians look like
Apparently this is what the well-dressed lesbian is wearing in today’s society. No wonder she’s destroying marriages!

When I heard that Ellen Page delivered an amazing speech that took YouTube by storm, I was really excited. I mean, sure, she is Canadian, but that is okay. After all, she was the girl who as a teenager became pregnant out of wedlock and decided not to have an abortion, so she must be a God-fearing patriot.

People tell me that “Juno” is not a documentary, but it has to be. I mean, there’s simply no way anybody could write dialogue that realistic.

But then I actually watched the speech!! I had been ambushed. Ellen Page was about to reveal herself as a proudly gay woman!

Naturally, my first thought was: “How is this going to affect me???”

I do not need to tell you about the dangers of homosexuality. Everybody knows that the acceptance of homosexuality in a society leads to rampant bestiality and NBC viewership.

But if you need even more proof, I received an email yesterday from Sterling Dalton of Arlington, TX, who wrote me with a harrowing story which he gave me permission to publish.

Hi Zach,First, I would just like to say that you are an inspiration to REAL conservatives all over the country. Your ability to cut through the facts and expose the pervasiveness of the liberal agenda is commendable. You made me realize that liberal atheist muslims are everywhere, and I am eternally grateful.

I regret that I must write you with hate in my heart. Not healthy hate, like hate for people who think it is okay to press 1 for English. But hate toward my wife, who just one week ago I shared my 24th wedding anniversary with. Our marriage was perfect. We have three boys together and they are very straight.

At least, all of that was true….. until Ellen Page came out of the closet!

As soon as I heard the news, the walls began to bend. There was a ringing in my ears. Everything got kind of fuzzy. I don’t know what happened next. I woke up in a ditch off Interstate 30. I hitchhiked back into town to find that my house had burned down and my wife was staying at her mother’s house. Nobody would tell me where the kids were, and the police said I was not allowed to know.

It was just like Pat Robertson said, I’m sure. The feminist agenda made Ellen Page convince my wife to leave me, kill my children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become a lesbian.

I just makes me so sad, Zach. I have never met Ellen Page, so why did she so maliciously use her sexuality to ruin my marriage? Please help me, Zach. You’re America’s only hope to fight against the way that what happens in private bedrooms is ruining the lives of Christians everywhere.

Sincerely,
Sterling Dalton

NEXT READ: Obamacare will completely destroy marriage… probably

TOP 5 Pope Quotes that Republican Jesus hates

2013 was a bad year for Poping.

Personally, I envision Pope Francis standing tall, adorned in his royal white robes, ushering in wicked sinners through the rusted gates of Hell. Don’t let his Catholic disguise convince you, he doesn’t know the first thing about being an American Christian Conservative!

So in honor of 2013 drawing to a close, here are the top 5 worst Pope Quotes from 2013 that no good conservative, all-American Republican Jesus would ever be able to get down with:

Republican Jesus says "No"#5  Soft on Hell

“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone….even the atheists. Everyone!” (source)

#4 Doesn’t hate gays enough

“If a person is gay and seeks God and has goodwill, who am I to judge him?” (source)

#3 Doesn’t hate poor people enough

“Among our tasks as witnesses to the love of Christ is that of giving a voice to the cry of the poor.” (source)

#2 OMG Socialism

“Just as the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ sets a clear limit in order to safeguard the value of human life, today we also have to say ‘thou shalt not’ to an economy of exclusion and inequality. Such an economy kills.”

#1 He wants the church to be… beaten?

“I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security.”

 


 

I always thought the Mayan’s were a crazy bunch of tribal pagans, but it looks like they might have gotten something almost right. Turns out it wasn’t 2012 that the world was ending…. it was 2013. Welcome to the end, people.

Will Obama create a Super-Gay Olympic army by cloning Johnny Weir and attack Russia?

Obama's super-gay clone Olympic army?

There have been a number of facts recently that, when taken together, lead to some very disturbing questions, with even more disturbing implications. We are here to connect the dots for you.

FACT #1. President Obama wants to send as many gay people as possible to Russia for the Olympics.  He said so himself; or at least, that’s what some people heard.

FACT #2. President Obama wants to create a secret army to take of the United States, according to a person who makes a living coming up with imaginary science-fiction stories.

FACT #3. President Obama thinks the army should force people to be gay, according to some person somewhere.

FACT #4. President Obama has been compared to Hitler, and we all know that Hitler was interested in genetic engineering, eugenics, cloning, and all of that creepy science stuff.

FACT #5. Johnny Weir is an Olympic skater, and is not just gay: he’s really, really, super-gay.

When you put these together, they point to a very obvious, and very scary, question:

Will Obama used Nazi-inspired cloning techniques to clone Johnny Weir and create a Super-Gay Olympic Army that he will then use to invade Russia???

 

…and more importantly: Why isn’t the mainstream media asking this question? Isn’t that, itself, evidence of a cover up?

Obama's super-gay clone Olympic army?

We report, you decide.

 

The Supreme Court’s Big Gay Decision

Tea Party Cat Predictions!

Tea Party Cat Predictions!Everybody is expecting the Supreme Court to rule on Marriage Equality within the next week. Nobody knows what they will decide… but at least I can tell you what our Republican leaders will be thinking.

If the Supreme Court rules to support same-sex marriage, even in part, we know what Republicans will think…

 


Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson
“God will be upset with America, and no doubt there will be tornadoes in Oklahoma and hurricanes in the Gulf as punishment.”
Alex Jones
Alex Jones
“This is totally bogus! A man can marry another man, but I still can’t marry my gun!”
NRA
NRA
“We have instructed ALEC to create a Stand Your Ground so you can shoot a guy you thought was gonna try to gay marry you.
You’re welcome.”
Bryan Fischer
Bryan Fischer
“Maybe gay marriage isn’t in the Constitution, but you just go to Leviticus. That’s what Thomas Jefferson would do.”
Louie Gohmert
Louie Gohmert
“The way my dog explained this to me is that now he and I have to get married. I warned you people this would happen.”
Steve King
Steve King
“None of the Founders were gay married, so no one should be able to get gay married now.”
Scalia
Scalia
“I’m sick of decisions upholding Obama’s agenda. The Founders didn’t let women vote, so why they allowed on my Supreme Court?”
Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin
“All that legal mumbo jumbo to justify what we know is wrong. The Founding Fathers weren’t lawyers, so why are lawyers in charge now?!”
Lindsey Graham
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”

Of course, it is always possible that the decision will go the other way, and that DOMA and Proposition 8 will both be upheld. In that case, it is also clear what our Republican leaders will be thinking…


Rick Santorum
Rick Santorum
“I’m sure relieved the 14th Amendment doesn’t apply to gays!”
Bryan Fischer
Bryan Fischer
“This is a great day. Our 1st Amendment right to have a Christian theocracy has been upheld.”
Rick Perry
Rick Perry
“I hope the Boy Scouts see this and go back to banning gay scouts, because only straight boys deserve to get life lessons.”
Mike Huckabee
Mike Huckabee
“Great news! Let’s all go to Chick-fil-A!”
Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann
“This gives me great hope that God will also get the Senate and Obama to overturn Obamacare too.”
Lindsey Graham
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”

 

Related Post: The Tea Party Cat explains the 2012 election aftermath

Republicans bravely take every side of the marriage debate

Pro-Gay Rove

Pro-Gay RoveEveryone agrees that Republicans had a messaging problem in the last election cycle. Luckily, they have found a strategy to solve that problem when addressing the gay marriage debate: just agree with all sides.

The strategy is as simple as it is genius: let those without power relay a soft, compassionate message, while those with power continue to push the conservative hard right agenda.  That way, conservatives can fix the messaging by adding warm, bleeding-heart language to appeal to the liberal masses… all without actually changing any Republican policy standards.

Nowhere is this brilliant Karl Rove-ian strategy more apparent than in the current debate over marriage rights for same-sex couples. Read any headline in the liberal lame-stream media and you’ll see jubilant cries of “Prominent Republicans File Supreme Court Brief Against Proposition 8.”  Yes, these “prominent” members of the Grand Old Party have bravely come out against the California ban on same-sex marriages.  Liberals might think that Republican standards are changing, or that the party is somehow in disarray…. but this is all completely according to plan!

Almost all of these “prominent” Republicans are out of office and don’t really have positions of leadership in the party, but still: the messaging sounds great!  We even have “high profile” Republican campaign staffers who have worked for the likes of George W. Bush and Mitt Romney signing on, even though they actively supported campaigns run on trying to ban marriages for gay couples with a federal constitutional amendment.

It really is a stroke of messaging genius—just ask Frank Luntz.

Of course, these brave conservatives who have nothing to lose since they are out office and really can’t influence the party in a substantive way can brilliantly distract from what the GOP leadership in power is actually doing.

For example, those champions of traditional values and conservative fiscal policy in the Republican-controlled House of Representatives are stepping in to defend the “Defense of Marriage Act” in the Supreme Court to the tune of over $3 million tax-payer dollars.  In addition, Republicans on Capitol Hill are again attempting to change the U.S. military code with a bill introduced in the House to ban same-sex marriages on military bases after the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”  The Republicans in actual positions of power even bravely held up the “Violence against Women Act” because it included provisions to protect women in same-sex relationships.

And let’s not forget that the Republican party platform itself, which had its plank on marriage written by religious right leaders like Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, is still completely against equal rights for gay people.  The platform opposes marriage equality and supports a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the “union of one man and one woman.”

But pay no attention to the white, heterosexual man behind the curtain! Not when we can get the media to focus on the great and powerful handful of out-of-office conservatives who can “fix” the messaging by signing a court brief.

America’s priorities: Homos or Health Care?

Homos versus Healthcare

Homos versus Healthcare

What do Americans really care about? Do they care about the economy and government spending? Or the fear that radical homosexual elites will take away their freedom? Google trends gives us an answer.

When there is an issue sticking in the American craw, they turn to the Google machine to find out more. Peaks in search volume on a particular topic or keyword usually correspond to news stories related to that topic. The more of a “spike” in search volume a news story gets, the more it shows that the American people as a whole are keyed in to that issue.

That is why the above graph is so fascinating. This graph compares search volume on two somewhat unusual terms that have appeared in big political news stories in the past year:  “chik fil a” and “sequester”.

If you will recall, there was an incident in mid-2012 where the head of the “Chik Fil A” restaurant chain put  a statement out saying that he hates the gay people, which of course all good conservatives know is perfectly reasonable and not prejudiced at all. This then caused radical homosexual activists to protest against Chik-Fil-A. This in turn lead to a counter-protest called “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day”, where good conservatives all over the country showed the world important it is to allow people to hate gay people by gorging down on fried chicken.

That appreciation day took place on August 1, 2012, coinciding exactly with the large peak on the above graph.

Over the last several months, the big political topic that has been in the news has been this thing called the “sequester” that started a few days ago. The sequester is a fancy and somewhat awkward name for a set of government spending cuts that reduce or eliminate large portions of our government, including funding for the military, education, and health care. In particular, federal financial support for health care will be one of the items hit the hardest, with the government cutting back on immunization programs, payments for medical screenings, mental health programs and disease tracking program.  In anticipation of receiving less federal money, hospitals have already begun laying people off.

There were some news stories about it last December, because law-makers were doing complicated things in government to delay the sequester until March 1.  March 1 has now come and gone, and the sequester has been the topic of almost every news and talk radio show for the last week or so.

Yet for some reason, the current spike in web searches on “sequester” has less than one fifth the magnitude as the “Chik Fil A Appreciation Day” spike last August.

This is an important lesson for conservative law-makers everywhere.  The Washington D.C. Republicans are out of touch with the average American conservative. While politicians debate about things like “spending” and “health care” and “poor people”, it is obvious that the real American conservative responds to these issues with a big ol’ YAWN.

But when the Radical Homosexual Elites threaten to mess with his Fried Chicken, the average American Conservative sits up (the best he can) and pays attention.

Something to think about for 2014.

 

 

Graph Data Source: Google Trends
Graph Created By: LiberalBias.com

Related Posts: Eating at Chik-Fil-A causes homosexuality

The Girl Scouts has a liberal bias!

Liberal Girl Scout Cookies

Liberal Girl Scout Cookies

Girls Scout cookie season is here! It’s time for a short history lesson to answer the question: Why do conservatives HATE the Girl Scouts so much?

If you are not tuned in to the issue, you might not even be aware that, as a conservative, you are supposed to hate the Girl Scouts.  You might even mistakenly think that the Girl Scouts represents some good conservative principles.

For example, during cookie-selling time, the Girl Scouts promotes child labor, and that’s something conservatives like!

Moreover, Girl Scouts mark up their cookies 100%, and more than half of the profits goes to the executive leadership of the organization rather than the girls themselves. Those are the free-market priorities that conservatives are known for!

However, do not be fooled!  All it takes is a quick search online, and you will be able to find dozens of reliable sources, such as flyers that you can download, explaining the out-and-out demonic liberal nature of the Girl Scouts. Some of the websites can barely even contain their hysteria as they explain to you that the Girl Scouts supports wild rampant ex parties, lesbianism, paganism and transgenderism.

“How did this happen?” you might wonder. “How did it come to be that conservatives hate the Girl Scouts so much?”

The story goes back all the way to before the initial formation of the Girl Scouts as an organization.

Back in 1910, the Boy Scouts was formed to encourage boys to focus on being strong, independent, confident, and active in the community. According to historian Susan Miller, author of Growing Girls: The Natural Origins of Girls’ Organizations in America, part of the reason the Boy Scouts formed was to combat the perceived problem of young boys becoming soft and emasculated.

Essentially, the Boy Scouts was brought into being in order to stop young boys from seeming gay and/or girly. This is a well-known good conservative cause, and one that we are still fighting for today. Now, at the time time that the Boy Scouts was first formed, they were also trying to promote a group called Campfire Girls, which was formed to encourage girls to be domestic, submissive and pretty.

Naturally, all of this is in agreement with conservative values.

However, two years later, in 1912, the Girl Scouts was formed… by a woman.  Moreover, it was specifically formed as an organization to be more of a complete parallel to the Boy Scouts, but for girls.  Like the Boy Scouts, it would also promote independence, confidence, and community activity… but for girls instead of boys.

WHAT KIND OF VOODOO LESBIAN LOGIC IS THIS?

DON’T THESE GIRLS KNOW THEIR PLACE?

So right from the beginning, the Girl Scouts was drawing a very liberal false equivalence between boys and girls: assuming that what is good for one would also be good for the other.

Naturally, in the 100 years since then, things have only gone down-hill.

See what happens when you abandon conservative values?  Lesbianism, paganism and transgenderism.

So, to sum up the history lesson:

1912: Girls being encouraged to be more assertive, active and independent.

2012: Trangendered lesbian paganism.

The connection is clear.

 

This is why conservatives HATE the Girl Scouts, and know them to be ultra-radical liberals.

We have added the appropriate speech bubble to signify this fact.