Chick-Fil-A founder at the Pearly Gates: What is the verdict?

Truett Cathy, founder of Chick Fil A, at the pearly gates.

It was around 2:00 am on Monday morning; my heart was pounding and I was dripping in sweat. I realized, at that very moment, what had just happened – I had been supernaturally teleported, shot from the comfort of my bed, to the pearly gates of Heaven!! It was more than a mere dream….I found myself hovering on a puffy white cloud just above my dear friend Truett Cathy as St. Peter was checking his file just before he was officially welcomed Home.

Mr. Cathy was not only a good friend, but also the founder of Chick-fil-A, the world’s greatest Christian fast-food restaurant. I was flabbergasted to see that St. Peter didn’t look very pleased with his file! As St. Peter read through it, he kept mumbling things like:

“Lawsuits for gender discrimination in the workplace….”

“Lawsuits for religious discrimination… haven’t you ever heard of love thy neighbor, bud?…”

“Ridiculously low wages… that’s certainly not very Christian…”

“Jeepers, and that food… encouraging obesity… didn’t you read the bit about your body being a temple?…”

 

I knew at once I had to step in to speak up for my friend. I couldn’t let Mr. Cathy be sent to the fiery pits of Hell! I forced my way down to the pearly gates and marched right up to St. Peter

“But wait! St. Peter!” I shouted, “Mr. Truett didn’t just mistreat women, non-Christians, and poor people! He didn’t just encourage the degrading of God’s own work, the human body! he was also A VIRTUOUS HOMOPHOBE!!!”

I leafed through St. Peter’s book, and pointed out some all-important facts: Chick-fil-A has donated more than $5 million to organizations that depict gay people as pedophiles, hope to make “gay behavior” illegal, and even say the homosexuals should be “exported” out of America!

He clearly also raised his family with Virtuous Homophobia. His son, Dan Cathy said that if you support homo-marriage, you “are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say ‘we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage’ and I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.”

And even if it weren’t for all that, here is the clincher: As pointed out by Mega Church Pastor Rick Warren, Chick-Fil-A was closed on Sundays!!!

How could THAT amount of sheer selfless virtue not make up for any other minor slips along the way?

The Heavens fell silent. We stood waiting for St. Peters next words. Looking Mr. Cathy up and down one final time, he begrudgingly said, “Welcome Home, Truett Cathy, welcome Home.”

 

This letter proves gay marriage will destroy the health care industry

CHAOS has been created by gay marriage in the California health care system
CHAOS has been created by gay marriage in the California health care system
This is an actual letter from Kaiser Permanente. Because Mark is covered under his spouse’s insurance, and his spouse is male, the health insurance system made a very understandable mistake.

One of the things that so-called “gay rights activists” never adequately address is the mass confusion it will cause in our society if we can’t make absolute assumptions about the gender of people’s spouses.

For example, consider a man in California named John. John is insured with Kaiser Permanente, which also offers coverage for spouses. Kaiser Permanente knows that John is married, and that John is male. Therefore, something in their automatic systems decided it just made sense to send the above letter to John’s spouse.

Except that John’s spouse is a man named Mark.

Sure, you probably find the above letter very funny, but obviously this is the strongest argument against gay marriage yet!

I mean, none of the other arguments have worked out.

Science has shown that gay people are no worse at being parents, no more likely to be deviant or criminal, no more likely to be abusive, and no more likely to be unhealthy than straight people.

It turns out that our constitution actually isn’t based on the Bible and what certain Christians believe, so all of the “proof” in the world that God hates gay people actually can’t be used as an argument to make gay marriage illegal.

And more and more people are actually realizing that gay people are happy, normal, healthy friends of theirs.

So what is left? Form letters!!

We cannot allow gay marriage in the United States because a bureaucratic nightmare that will ensue if we have to reprogram all of the systems, like the one that generated this letter, that all assume that people are married to people of the opposite sex!

That’s really the best argument …. the only argument… that conservatives really have left.

 

Ellen Page’s sexuality destroyed my marriage!

This is what all lesbians look like
This is what all lesbians look like
Apparently this is what the well-dressed lesbian is wearing in today’s society. No wonder she’s destroying marriages!

When I heard that Ellen Page delivered an amazing speech that took YouTube by storm, I was really excited. I mean, sure, she is Canadian, but that is okay. After all, she was the girl who as a teenager became pregnant out of wedlock and decided not to have an abortion, so she must be a God-fearing patriot.

People tell me that “Juno” is not a documentary, but it has to be. I mean, there’s simply no way anybody could write dialogue that realistic.

But then I actually watched the speech!! I had been ambushed. Ellen Page was about to reveal herself as a proudly gay woman!

Naturally, my first thought was: “How is this going to affect me???”

I do not need to tell you about the dangers of homosexuality. Everybody knows that the acceptance of homosexuality in a society leads to rampant bestiality and NBC viewership.

But if you need even more proof, I received an email yesterday from Sterling Dalton of Arlington, TX, who wrote me with a harrowing story which he gave me permission to publish.

Hi Zach,First, I would just like to say that you are an inspiration to REAL conservatives all over the country. Your ability to cut through the facts and expose the pervasiveness of the liberal agenda is commendable. You made me realize that liberal atheist muslims are everywhere, and I am eternally grateful.

I regret that I must write you with hate in my heart. Not healthy hate, like hate for people who think it is okay to press 1 for English. But hate toward my wife, who just one week ago I shared my 24th wedding anniversary with. Our marriage was perfect. We have three boys together and they are very straight.

At least, all of that was true….. until Ellen Page came out of the closet!

As soon as I heard the news, the walls began to bend. There was a ringing in my ears. Everything got kind of fuzzy. I don’t know what happened next. I woke up in a ditch off Interstate 30. I hitchhiked back into town to find that my house had burned down and my wife was staying at her mother’s house. Nobody would tell me where the kids were, and the police said I was not allowed to know.

It was just like Pat Robertson said, I’m sure. The feminist agenda made Ellen Page convince my wife to leave me, kill my children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become a lesbian.

I just makes me so sad, Zach. I have never met Ellen Page, so why did she so maliciously use her sexuality to ruin my marriage? Please help me, Zach. You’re America’s only hope to fight against the way that what happens in private bedrooms is ruining the lives of Christians everywhere.

Sincerely,
Sterling Dalton

NEXT READ: Obamacare will completely destroy marriage… probably

Talk radio discusses black marriage and racism

I think it’s fantastic when conservatives feel comfortable being blunt and honest about how tough it is to be a Christian. Here is a sample of a discussion that actually happened on talk radio earlier today.

 

THIS CONVERSATION ACTUALLY HAPPENED (**)

Radio Caller: I’m really worried that these black activists are going to try to force my church to perform black marriages. Even though… I mean, I have nothing against black people. But it’s against my beliefs. But I’m being told that I’m a bad person for believing that.

Radio Host: You’re absolutely right. Well, this is the tactic that the left is using right now. They are trying to make Christians ashamed of their beliefs. If you believe that marriage is defined by Jesus, and so you happen to disagree with black marriage, for religious reasons… now all of a sudden you are bigoted. You are called a “racist”.

Radio Caller: That’s right. And that’s horrible, I’m not racist!

Radio Host: That’s right! Nobody wants to be called a racist or a bigot. It feels bad. It’s such a horrible thing to call someone. So that is the left’s strategy, they will start throwing out the word “racist”, when all you want to do is stop black people from getting married…. it’s really unfair. It’s an emotional manipulation that the liberals are doing to try to get their way. They are saying that just because you want to stop black marriages, that somehow that means you’re racist. It’s ridiculous!

 

(**NOTE: Since the word “gay” is so offensive, we have replaced the word “gay” in the above conversation with the word “black”. But, you know, the basic argument is the same.)

Ben Fergusan conservative talk radio host

More crazy liberal bias from the dictionary!

Liberally Biased Language

Liberally Biased Language

The dictionary is changing. And good conservatives know that all change is bad. Therefore, the dictionary has liberal bias.

But this time, it’s even worse than usual: the dictionary is changing the definition of “marriage”.

According to the Macmillan Dictionary, “marriage” now means: “The relationship between two people who are husband and wife, or a similar relationship between people of the same sex.”

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “marriage” now means: “The condition of being a husband or wife; the relation between persons married to each other; matrimony”, with a supplementary line which says “the term is now sometimes used with reference to long-term relationships between partners of the same sex”.

 

Christians all know that words are defined by God.

Michael Rundell, the editor-in-chief of Macmillan Dictionary, says that the official definitions of words depends on how people use words. “We have a corpus of two billion words, a huge collection of text including books, magazines and recorded speech, which we analyse in great detail to understand frequent and common usage,” Rundell said.

What more evidence to you need? Obviously, dictionaries are liberals!!!!

We have added the appropriate speech bubble in the picture above to indicate this fact.

The Supreme Court’s Big Gay Decision

Tea Party Cat Predictions!

Tea Party Cat Predictions!Everybody is expecting the Supreme Court to rule on Marriage Equality within the next week. Nobody knows what they will decide… but at least I can tell you what our Republican leaders will be thinking.

If the Supreme Court rules to support same-sex marriage, even in part, we know what Republicans will think…

 


Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson
“God will be upset with America, and no doubt there will be tornadoes in Oklahoma and hurricanes in the Gulf as punishment.”
Alex Jones
Alex Jones
“This is totally bogus! A man can marry another man, but I still can’t marry my gun!”
NRA
NRA
“We have instructed ALEC to create a Stand Your Ground so you can shoot a guy you thought was gonna try to gay marry you.
You’re welcome.”
Bryan Fischer
Bryan Fischer
“Maybe gay marriage isn’t in the Constitution, but you just go to Leviticus. That’s what Thomas Jefferson would do.”
Louie Gohmert
Louie Gohmert
“The way my dog explained this to me is that now he and I have to get married. I warned you people this would happen.”
Steve King
Steve King
“None of the Founders were gay married, so no one should be able to get gay married now.”
Scalia
Scalia
“I’m sick of decisions upholding Obama’s agenda. The Founders didn’t let women vote, so why they allowed on my Supreme Court?”
Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin
“All that legal mumbo jumbo to justify what we know is wrong. The Founding Fathers weren’t lawyers, so why are lawyers in charge now?!”
Lindsey Graham
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”

Of course, it is always possible that the decision will go the other way, and that DOMA and Proposition 8 will both be upheld. In that case, it is also clear what our Republican leaders will be thinking…


Rick Santorum
Rick Santorum
“I’m sure relieved the 14th Amendment doesn’t apply to gays!”
Bryan Fischer
Bryan Fischer
“This is a great day. Our 1st Amendment right to have a Christian theocracy has been upheld.”
Rick Perry
Rick Perry
“I hope the Boy Scouts see this and go back to banning gay scouts, because only straight boys deserve to get life lessons.”
Mike Huckabee
Mike Huckabee
“Great news! Let’s all go to Chick-fil-A!”
Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann
“This gives me great hope that God will also get the Senate and Obama to overturn Obamacare too.”
Lindsey Graham
Ms. Lindsey Graham
“WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME???”

 

Related Post: The Tea Party Cat explains the 2012 election aftermath

Republicans bravely take every side of the marriage debate

Pro-Gay Rove

Pro-Gay RoveEveryone agrees that Republicans had a messaging problem in the last election cycle. Luckily, they have found a strategy to solve that problem when addressing the gay marriage debate: just agree with all sides.

The strategy is as simple as it is genius: let those without power relay a soft, compassionate message, while those with power continue to push the conservative hard right agenda.  That way, conservatives can fix the messaging by adding warm, bleeding-heart language to appeal to the liberal masses… all without actually changing any Republican policy standards.

Nowhere is this brilliant Karl Rove-ian strategy more apparent than in the current debate over marriage rights for same-sex couples. Read any headline in the liberal lame-stream media and you’ll see jubilant cries of “Prominent Republicans File Supreme Court Brief Against Proposition 8.”  Yes, these “prominent” members of the Grand Old Party have bravely come out against the California ban on same-sex marriages.  Liberals might think that Republican standards are changing, or that the party is somehow in disarray…. but this is all completely according to plan!

Almost all of these “prominent” Republicans are out of office and don’t really have positions of leadership in the party, but still: the messaging sounds great!  We even have “high profile” Republican campaign staffers who have worked for the likes of George W. Bush and Mitt Romney signing on, even though they actively supported campaigns run on trying to ban marriages for gay couples with a federal constitutional amendment.

It really is a stroke of messaging genius—just ask Frank Luntz.

Of course, these brave conservatives who have nothing to lose since they are out office and really can’t influence the party in a substantive way can brilliantly distract from what the GOP leadership in power is actually doing.

For example, those champions of traditional values and conservative fiscal policy in the Republican-controlled House of Representatives are stepping in to defend the “Defense of Marriage Act” in the Supreme Court to the tune of over $3 million tax-payer dollars.  In addition, Republicans on Capitol Hill are again attempting to change the U.S. military code with a bill introduced in the House to ban same-sex marriages on military bases after the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”  The Republicans in actual positions of power even bravely held up the “Violence against Women Act” because it included provisions to protect women in same-sex relationships.

And let’s not forget that the Republican party platform itself, which had its plank on marriage written by religious right leaders like Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, is still completely against equal rights for gay people.  The platform opposes marriage equality and supports a federal constitutional amendment defining marriage as the “union of one man and one woman.”

But pay no attention to the white, heterosexual man behind the curtain! Not when we can get the media to focus on the great and powerful handful of out-of-office conservatives who can “fix” the messaging by signing a court brief.

Pope Benedict protects us from liberal bias

Pope Benedict illustrates the dangers of gay marriage using a gay hat as a prop.

Pope Benedict illustrates the dangers of gay marriage using a gay hat as a prop.

 

Youth minister Greg Stevens writes an open letter to Pope Benedict XVI to thank him for his efforts to rid the world of liberal bias.


Dear Pope Benedict,

As the leader of the largest and oldest Christian tradition on planet Earth, you have tirelessly fought to bring light, joy, and peace to the human condition. You have reminded us that condoms are okay, but only when used by male prostitutes to slow the spread of HIV. You eloquently wrote that, as Christians, we should pray before each and every time we have sex. You have helped us fight against the tragic “tsunami of secular influence” by blessing the condemnation of birth control, speaking out against the feminazi nuns, and even opening a personal Twitter account to better spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

And this past December, you did it again. You have once again proven your incredible ability to lead millions of Christians in the loving, humble and beautiful way of Jesus by reminding us all that gays are a “manipulation of nature”.

As a single, 85 year old virgin, your God-inspired wisdom on relationships is absolutely vital. Yours is a voice that we Christians cherish and proclaim with great pride.

Because you couldn’t be more right in pointing out that gay marriage represents an attack on traditional marriage that is for “the exclusive profit of a tiny minority”. Jesus might have been into helping some minorities, but obviously not the “tiny” minorities.

It is also absolutely true that marriage is rooted in fiscal irresponsibility. I can only hope that the millions of dollars given by Catholics around the world this next Sunday could be used to combat such lucrative attacks on our faith.

So I wanted to reach out and thank you.

Thank you for equipping priests around the globe to model healthy relationships with women and men, but most importantly our children. After all, it is our Priests who’ve followed the Gospel of Mark’s story of Jesus  so faithfully, “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them…” (Mark 10:13, New International Version).

Thank you for valuing liberty and justice for all in your incredible ability to speak truth to the manipulation of love. It is love that we must speak to before we can ever begin to understand how to respond to global poverty, human slave-trade and environmental degradation. It is important to rebuke homosexuals, because maybe once they get love right, we good Christians can move on to working on other societal problems.

Thank you for holding fast to the belief in natural relationships. As believers in the Bible, we must never forget the importance of natural scientific facts. After all, sin entered this world through the deception of a talking snake.

And most of all, thank you for reminding us that same-sex, loving, and monogamous relationships are evil.

God Bless You.

Greg Stevens

Eating at Chik-Fil-A causes homosexuality.

Homosexual Chicken

Homosexual Chicken

Everyone knows homosexuality is a choice. But what makes people want to choose to be homosexual?

Answer: Eating at Chik-Fil-A.

AND WE HAVE PROOF!!!

Noted scholar and world leader Evo Morales has definitively proven that eating chicken causes male homosexuality. Why? Because chickens that are raised to be eaten are artificially injected with female hormones to make them plump and tasty.  Thus, when a male eats the hormone-filled chicken, it will cause him to deviate from normal maleness and therefore TURN INTO A HOMOSEXUAL.

This stunning revelation casts a sinister and ominous veil of suspicion over the recent events surrounding Chik-Fil-A. Everyone assumes that Chik-Fil-A is conservative and pro-Christian values.

But is it all just a liberal ruse? Are they really part of a liberal plot??

Consider the sequence of events:

1) The president to Chik-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, makes a statement that he hates the gay people.

2) This causes radical homosexual activists to protest against Chik-Fil-A.

3) This in turn lead to a counter-protest called “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” where trillions and trillions of righteous conservatives bought food from Chik-Fil-A in order to show their support for family values.

Do you realize what this means?   All of those conservatives who were tricked into eating chicken at Chik-Fil-A for “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” have ingested the female hormones, and thus are about to turn homosexual!

Now of course, Chik-Fil-A denies that they use the hormones in their chicken, but somehow this all seems too perfect and too suspicious.  After all, isn’t that exactly what they would say if they were illegally using hormones in their chicken?  I thought so.

They also deny being liberal, but let me ask you this: WHY would an organization manipulate public opinion in such a way as to cause trillions of people to eat chicken on the same day, and therefore turn homosexual, unless they were liberal gay activists?

The answer is clear: Chick-Fil-A is secretly part of the world-wide liberal conspiracy to turn people gay through the consumption of chicken.

Mark my words, and write down the date and time you read this, because we here at LiberalBias.com are about to make a prediction!

In the next several months or years or, you know, whenever, there will be an explosion of conservatives coming out of the closet, throwing glitter, listening to Madonna, and engaging in other unspeakable acts.  All because they participated in “Chik-Fil-A appreciation day.”

You read it here first.

 

 

The slippery slope of Facebook gay marriage icons

Consequences of Liberal Bias

Liberal Facebook Gay Marriage Icons

Culture is a slippery slope, and “equal rights” are the lube.

Nothing makes this more clear than the issue of same-sex marriage, or homo-sexual marriage, or “we’ll bang whoever we want” marriage, or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

Time and time again, there have been graphs showing that acceptance of gay marriage is increasing over time, that younger people are more accepting of gay marriage than old people, and that society is on an inevitable slide towards gay marriage.

Liberally Biased Facebook IconsFor good conservatives, this is a sad thing to behold. The most recent blow to traditional values, of course, comes in the form of the new Facebook gay marriage icons.  Look at how ridiculous things have become.

Some people might say, “They are just icons, who cares?” Other people might say, “Facebook is the work of Satan anyway, what do you expect?” Still others might say, “How could the mere existence of icons recognizing a legal relationship that is recognized in several states possibly be objectionable?”

WELL, IT IS!!!!!

If you don’t understand why these icons should strike fear into your heart, then I beseech you to examine the above table of new proposed Facebook icons that could be released in the near future if this slippery slope towards liberalism is not stopped.

Look at it.  LOOK AT IT!!!

Is this what you really want?

 

Please write to Facebook immediately and demand that they put and end to their secret development of polygamist necrophiliac robot-dog marriage icons!!!

 

American Family Association has a LIBERAL BIAS!

Tim Wildmon, American Family Association

Tim Wildmon, American Family Association

We, here at the official Liberal Bias Blog, have just received an email from the radical, ultra left-wing communist organization the “American Family Association.”

Some people think that this group is conservative, because they fight against people who are homosexuals and they use the word “God” a lot.

But this is part of a devious conspiratorial liberal plot to destroy conservatism from the inside. Their goal is to infiltrate the ranks of good, honest conservatives and then inject conservatives with liberal thought-fluids and ram the liberal agenda down our throats over and over again until we submit to their aggressive liberal FORCE….

But I digress.  As you can see from the above letter, they have given themselves away.  Notice that in the greeting of this email, they have addressed us as “Whitey”.  Now why, you might ask, would they do that?

Is it because they believe, as all real conservatives do, that anybody should feel honored to be called “Whitey” because after all, white people are the ones who have accomplished everything in history?

Or, is it part of a secret plot to destroy conservatives by making them APPEAR RACIST when in fact they are nothing of the sort?

That’s right, my friends. Do not doubt me on this. Clearly this group is a left-wing plant posing as conservative in order to make real conservatives look bad.

If you were to look inside the American Family Association… and I mean deep, deep inside… yes, that’s right…. deeper…. you would probably discover that they even love taxes.

 

College education causes homosexual desire

Biased College EducationsLiberals deliberately misinterpret this map to advance their liberal agenda.

This graph shows that the counties that voted against Amendment One, the amendment to protect marriage from homosexuals, were also the counties in which more people had college educations.

If you ask a liberal what this graph means, they will concoct some kind of crazy theory, like this: going to college teaches people to use logic and reason, people who use logic and reason understand that there is no rational argument against gay marriage, and as a result people who went to college support gay marriage.

Or, they will invent some irrational fantasy explanation, like this: people who go to college are exposed to more diversity, people who are exposed to diversity become more empathic and understanding of social differences, and therefore people who went to college are more sympathetic to gay people and want to let them get married.

These are the arguments of a deranged, illogical liberal mind.

First of all, who decided that “diversity” and “open-mindedness” were good things, anyway? That sounds like the kind of thing they would indoctrinate people to believe in some kind of cult. When a liberal says that “open-mindedness” is a good thing, you should just say: “Is that what your liberal college professor overlords have indoctrinated you to think?”

Think about it this way: open-mindedness means a lack of conviction, and a lack of conviction comes from a lack of morals, and a lack of morals is what causes society to collapse. In other words, open-mindedness is what causes society to collapse.

Second of all, what is so “rational” about thinking that marriage between a man and a man should be viewed the same as a marriage between a man and a woman? That’s like saying that because women can give birth a man should be able to give birth, too. THAT’S RIGHT THE ARGUMENTS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME.  And ridiculous. There is nothing logical about men giving birth.

If you are thinking with a clear and untainted mind, as I am, the obvious true explanation of this map is very simple and very logical: when students go to college they are put into to top-secret liberal indoctrination camps where they are taught to be homosexual and to desire gay marriage.

I mean think about it. What else could it be?