Look out, James O’Keefe, because I’m about to blow the lid off the biggest liberal plot in United States history.
If you have been watching Fox News lately like hundreds of millions of other Americans, you have probably noticed that the network is changing. For over a decade, Fox News, in the words of my junior year AP History teacher, has been “saving the American news media” from dreaded liberal media bias.
On October 7, that all changed when they premiered The Kelly File. The show is a REAL patriot’s dream; on the first episode, she asked Ted Cruz how he felt about being the most hated man in America, which if you read my earlier article, you know HE DESERVES TO BE.
Meanwhile on Republican-in-name-only Shepard Smith’s new show, they have borrowed the set from the original Star Trek, because Shep fancies himself as some kind of Kentucky Fried Captain Kirk. I understand he’s been there from the start; but come on, it’s like he takes the whole “fair and balanced” thing seriously. We all know there are two sides to every story: what the Democrat party says and the truth. But I digress…
What you may not have noticed is that the network is systematically changing for the first time in its previously untarnished seventeen year history. Like the unity of church and state, marriage between a man and a woman, and former Florida governor Charlie Crist, the liberals just had to get their government shutdown-ing hands all over it.
I can prove it…. but you’ll have to watch FNC at three in the morning to understand.
The Achilles Heel in the Democrat party’s takeover of Fox News Channel is Red Eye, a “comedic” panel talk show that covers the day’s topics with illuminati/New World Order symbolism peppered in through clips of cute animals.
It is essentially a hyperbolic version of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher.
Like Bill Maher, the host of the show, Greg Gutfeld (if that is his real name), claims to be a libertarian, but does so in a much more forceful way, as if he’s compensating for something.
He even wrote a book, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage.
While I absolutely agree with the book’s main takeaway, that liberals are garbage crap toilet people, the irony of whining in the age of phony outrage about liberals who whine in the age of phony outrage is not lost on me.
Now, keep in mind, I did not listen in math because math is science and science is Hitler.
Nonetheless, I remember something about A = B = C and the conclusion is clear: GREG GUTFELD IS A LIBERAL.
That is just the tip of the iceberg. I knew this was not just a crackpot theory like my stupid psychologist told me it was when I watched an episode of one of the only trustworthy news shows left, The Colbert Report. Every real American knows that Colbert is possibly the only true patriot left in cable news who is able to speak truth to power without fear of censorship. Why else would even liberals watch His show, only to cover their tracks by acting like it’s “a joke” that “Zach just is not in on?” It is because they are ashamed to know they are wrong and are too embarrassed to admit they have seen the conservative light!
On that particular episode of Colbert’s show, He was properly outraged over a photo of President Hussein putting his foot on the desk in the Oval Office, being the only Kenyan in history to ever do so. Colbert made a mistake, however, when He used clips from Red Eye to validate his point. A rare miss for Colbert; how did He not see He was being led into a trap by a pack of LIBERALS?
Two days later, Gutfeld was off for the night, because according to our sources at Fox News, he had injured himself sexually while watching a workout tape starring his favorite actress, Jane Fonda, a known threat to our republic. In his place was Andy Levy, commonly referred to as “TV’s Andy Levy” or “America’s Sweetheart.”
He too claims to be a libertarian, yet during the show’s Halftime Report segment, he is known to challenge the show’s conservative guests with dirty tricks like “logic” and “facts.”
He also fraternizes with a group of dot com punks known as Weird Twitter, who seemingly exist only to make jokes about serious topics, something only liberals do. The worst thing he ever did was deliver a long rant criticizing Chris Brown for doing something any moral American would do. You can watch here, but I must warn you that it is disturbing.
Colbert stood with Gutfeld and Levy, and they proceeded to swat His hand away. Colbert fell right into their trap, and Levy proceeded to act like they were joking about being outraged over something we should be considering impeachment over. Not only did Levy imply that Colbert misrepresented him, he made a case for Colbert trying to paint Fox News as a pawn of the conservative agenda, which we know is just not true…because it is a pawn of the liberal agenda!
If I weren’t paying attention, they would have been able to get away with the perfect deception. People would continue to assume that Stephen Colbert is just kidding and Fox News is a conservative leaning network that liberals would find more agreeable if they gave some of its moderate shows (yuck) a chance. Of course, none of that is true.
You may think this article is funny, but you have to know it’s not a joke.
Watch Levy’s full response to Colbert here.
Author’s Note: Greg Gutfeld and America’s Sweetheart Andy Levy could not be reached for comment. Granted, I did not reach out for comment because I was really scared that they might have actually responded.