YOUTUBE GAY TEST: How to tell if someone is gay on Youtube

Can Fox News psychologist Robi Ludwig REALLY tell if someone is gay just by looking at a couple of Youtube videos? That’s certainly what she implied when she appeared on Fox News last. But is it really true? Is there some kind of “Youtube Gay Test”?

To answer this question, Pastor Gregory has spent hour and hours and HOURS watching The Gays on Youtube, and he has discovered a pattern! Yes, there is something that ALL GAY PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE DO, and therefore is an inescapable, fool-proof GAY TEST!

However, when using this test, you might be surprised to find out who on Fox News is also gay.

You can learn the secret, too, just by watching this video:

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Is there a war on masculinity? Yes, but not the one you think.

If you have been watching Fox News lately (which I don’t, because they’re too liberal), you may have heard something about a war on masculinity. Fox News contributor Brit Hume, a true American patriot if I’ve ever seen one on television, received undeserved flak this week for shedding light on the dangers of being a straight white man.

“Men today have learned the lesson the hard way that if you act like kind of an old-fashioned guy’s guy, you’re in constant danger of slipping out and saying something that’s going to get you in trouble and make you look like a sexist or make you look like you seem thuggish or whatever. That’s the atmosphere in which he operates. This guy is very much an old-fashioned, masculine, muscular guy, and there are political risks associated with that. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but that’s how it is.”

Hume is absolutely right. There is no group that has been discriminated against and unfairly treated more than the masculine male. We should be treated as a protected class and ensured the same rights and protections as everyone else, mainly women and minorities who get all the wealth and power handed to them.

However, while Fox’s heart may be in the right place on this issue, they have got it wrong. Fox News thinks that feminists have turned men into wussies. But that is not the case at all. They have done something much more sinister: they have made masculinity gay!

After decades of feminism, the muscular masculine male is more idolized than ever! Even the most muscular men can never be good enough. More and more young men are getting into bodybuilding, sports, and steroid use. More and more young men are developing eating disorders in their quest to look “ripped”. Far from turning men into skinny, limp-wristed effeminate creatures… after decades of feminism, young men are now more obsessed with masculinity than ever before!

The popular bodybuilders' meme "You mirin brah?" is an attempt to make men checking out men really, really, really masculine-sounding.
The popular bodybuilders’ meme “You mirin brah?” is an attempt to make men checking out men really, really, really, really masculine-sounding. But let’s face it: nothing sounds gayer than “You mirin’ brah?”… except possibly when someone says “no homo”. That’s pretty gay, too.

Masculine young men are, in fact, so obsessed with musculature and masculinity that they idolize men who are better looking than themselves. This obsession simulates the same neurological response as attraction… thus making all men who aspire to be masculine feel urges and feelings that are not completely unlike homosexual urges!

This is the real devious scheme of the liberal left! Instead of the “Fox News” scenario of changing straight men into wimpy guys… liberals have pressured men to be so manly that they turn homosexual!

How do I know this? Well, for the first twenty years of my life, I never felt any desire to go to the gym because I assumed that being a brilliant genius and bonafide conservative hero should have been enough to allow me to have (post-marital) sex with lots of blonde women, as God intended.

But now, on the eve of my 21st birthday, I have only held hands nine times with four women. To fix this, I’ve been at the gym four days a week, looking at the bulging biceps of the sweaty men next to me, fantasizing about being them.

About being them… which is a completely normal conservative Christian heterosexual NORMAL thing to fantasize about! Then one day, one of them asked if I wanted to “fool around” in the shower room, because he thought I “was clearly checking him out.”

So it’s official: liberal feminists have turned masculinity into “a gay thing”. You want proof? Just look what working out and being tanned and fit did to poor Republican Congressman Aaron Schock.

The inherent contradiction between traditional images of “masculinity” and today’s images of “being gay” is enough to give any normal, right-minded conservative a nervous break-down! It’s hard enough to keep our nice, neat divisions between “right” and “wrong”, “man” and “woman”, and “gay” and “straight” without confusing images like this to muddle things up:

Traditional conservatives love traditional masculinity: muscles, body and facial hair, tattoos.... but now liberals have corrupted that because these people are clearly homosexual OMG LIFE IS SO CONFUSING FOR TRADITIONAL CONSERVATIVES *SOB* [photo courtesy of Noise Magazine]
Traditional conservatives love traditional masculinity: muscles, body and facial hair, tattoos…. but now liberals have corrupted that because these people are clearly homosexual OMG LIFE IS SO CONFUSING *SOB* It’s difficult being a conservative. [photo courtesy of Noize Magazine]

So in conclusion, there is only one thing us real American patriotic men can do to combat this: be fat, lazy, and stupid.

BE FAT LAZY AND STUPID, like our traditional conservative heroes, so that you don’t accidentally turn gay.

It’s the only way to fight liberal feminism.

God loves Roger Ailes anyway… because he’s a conservative.

Roger Ailes
Roger Ailes
Look how cute and cuddly. How could he possibly be a sinner?

In attempt to defeat the overwhelming conservatism of the American people, left-wing psychopaths have once again concocted malicious stories about conservatives. In this case, their target is faithful Christian prophet and Fox News CEO, Roger Ailes.

According to Gabriel Sherman, the author of the not-so-long awaited new biography detailing the inner workings of Ailes and his Fox News empire, “The Loudest Voice In The Room,” Ailes is a sex-hungry adulterer. With a volcanic temper and pulsating private parts, he apparently offered producer Randi Harrison an additional $100 each week “if [she] agree to have sex with [Ailes] whenever” he asked.

In 2012 he supposedly told Fox News executives he wanted to elect Mitt Romney for president and that he would use his media platform to “toxify” the public opinion in support of the Romney/Ryan ticket.

Oh, and he made some random anti-Semitic remarks.

Liberals have used all of this to suggest that somehow Ailes is a “bad person” or a “bad Christian” or a “hypocrite”.


In 2nd Corinthians 12:10 we read, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

When Ailes is weak, then he is strong. It says so, right in the Bible. All of his cock-throbbing, adultering, antisemitic anger-management problems are simply the way that he expresses his strength through Christianity.

Of course, in this day and age, Fox News was forced to release a statement saying, “These charges are false” and “we have not read the book.” But the fact is, even if they are completely true, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad Christian or a bad person. He’s a conservative, after all.

Liberals don’t understand this, but that is just because they don’t understand Christianity… or at least, they don’t understand it the way that good conservatives do!

6 famous people who must have been white because they were so awesome

By now everyone has heard that Megyn Kelly said that Santa Claus, the 100% real North Pole resident that delivers gifts to kids around the world while undermining free market capitalism, is white. She then went on to add that Jesus Christ, the son of God, was also white.

This outraged a bunch of liberals,who claim that she is “wrong”… at least, about Jesus. But she was really just speaking the obvious and intuitive truth that all good conservatives know in their hearts and in their guts: all of the important people in history were white. It’s what we’ve been taught, and it’s just plain old obvious.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

1. Cleopatra

Cleopatra, best known for being the last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, remains a popular Western figure because as my cousin who lives in West Hollywood would say, she is “totes fab.”

And a few years ago, rumors circulated that homewrecker Angelina Jolie, who famously stole Brad Pitt away from America’s Sweetheart Jennifer Aniston, was going to play the role of Cleopatra. Now, why would Jennifer Aniston be playing someone who wasn’t white? That just doesn’t make sense.

2. Hannibal the Conquerer

If you Bing the words “Hannibal + black,” you will find lots of hilarious claims that Hannibal was black, when really he was Phoenician. I learned this in a history class in high school. I’m not really sure what “Phonecian” is, but it definitely isn’t “black”, because if it did mean “black” I’m sure my high school teacher would have mentioned that.

Anyway, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, therefore I am also Phoenician, and I am white.

3. Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan was the head of the Mongol Empire for two decades in the thirteenth century. But did you know that Genghis Khan’s ancestry is actually from Turkey? Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean he was white, but in the 1956 film The Conqueror, Genghis Khan was portrayed by none other than John Wayne. He is just about the whitest actor who ever lived. Obviously, the good conservatives who cast him in this part must have known Genhis Khan was also white.

Genghis Kahn was white with blue eyes.

4. Frederick Douglass

Frederick Douglass was undoubtedly an accomplished man, and a key influence on why there is a Black History Month and only 11 White History Months. He was instrumental in not only ending slavery but also supporting women’s suffrage, and was the first African American nominated for Vice President of the United States.

Except… his father was white and his mother was black! And while he inherited the skin color of his mother, well, any good conservative and Tea Party American knows that it just must have been his white half that accomplished all those awesome things.

Mr. Peanut

5. Booker T. Washington

PBS says that Booker T. Washington was the most famous black man in America between 1895 and 1915. But like Douglass, his father was white. Plus, his mother was also half-white. On top of that, Booker T. Washington’s crowning achievement was discovering literally hundreds of uses for the peanut.

Now, just speaking culturally, and that’s what matters in these things, peanuts are… I mean, it doesn’t get any more white than that. Look at Mr. Peanut. Has there ever been a more clear image of whiteness?

6. Michael Jackson

In America, everything is about looks. And if you look white, you’re white. And not only did Michael Jackson look white, but Captain EO was just the bomb dot com. Something that cool is clearly an indication of whiteness.

Look, the logic here isn’t always consistent. But good conservatives, like Megyn Kelly, have always trusted instincts and guts more than logic and consistency.

So, in the end, it works like this. If you don’t look white, you can still be white as long as your father was white or you did something really cool in history so that white people look up to you and kick-ass white actors like John Wayne want to play you in a movie.

And that is why Megyn Kelly knows, in her heart, that all the AWESOME people have always been white.



Post Script: Of course by these standards, Barack Hussein Obama is NOT white, even though he was birthed by a white person and raised by white grandparents. He would be white if he had accomplished anything a good solid conservative would want to take credit for… but reforming a broken healthcare system, ending two wars, and striking a nuclear arms treaty with Russia? For shame. Any conservative will tell you, that’s not what a real white person would do.

Fox News has a liberal bias

Look out, James O’Keefe, because I’m about to blow the lid off the biggest liberal plot in United States history.

If you have been watching Fox News lately like hundreds of millions of other Americans, you have probably noticed that the network is changing. For over a decade, Fox News, in the words of my junior year AP History teacher, has been “saving the American news media” from dreaded liberal media bias.

On October 7, that all changed when they premiered The Kelly File. The show is a REAL patriot’s dream; on the first episode, she asked Ted Cruz how he felt about being the most hated man in America, which if you read my earlier article, you know HE DESERVES TO BE.

Meanwhile on Republican-in-name-only Shepard Smith’s new show, they have borrowed the set from the original Star Trek, because Shep fancies himself as some kind of Kentucky Fried Captain Kirk. I understand he’s been there from the start; but come on, it’s like he takes the whole “fair and balanced” thing seriously. We all know there are two sides to every story: what the Democrat party says and the truth. But I digress…

What you may not have noticed is that the network is systematically changing for the first time in its previously untarnished seventeen year history. Like the unity of church and state, marriage between a man and a woman, and former Florida governor Charlie Crist, the liberals just had to get their government shutdown-ing hands all over it.

I can prove it…. but you’ll have to watch FNC at three in the morning to understand.

"Red Eye" is where the real conservatism is atThe Achilles Heel in the Democrat party’s takeover of Fox News Channel is Red Eye, a “comedic” panel talk show that covers the day’s topics with illuminati/New World Order symbolism peppered in through clips of cute animals.

It is essentially a hyperbolic version of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher.

Like Bill Maher, the host of the show, Greg Gutfeld (if that is his real name), claims to be a libertarian, but does so in a much more forceful way, as if he’s compensating for something.

"Joy of Hate" is a real book. I know you think it's a fake satire thing. That's why we included this picture.He even wrote a book, The Joy of Hate: How to Triumph over Whiners in the Age of Phony Outrage.

While I absolutely agree with the book’s main takeaway, that liberals are garbage crap toilet people, the irony of whining in the age of phony outrage about liberals who whine in the age of phony outrage is not lost on me.

Now, keep in mind, I did not listen in math because math is science and science is Hitler.

Nonetheless, I remember something about A = B = C and the conclusion is clear: GREG GUTFELD IS A LIBERAL.

That is just the tip of the iceberg. I knew this was not just a crackpot theory like my stupid psychologist told me it was when I watched an episode of one of the only trustworthy news shows left, The Colbert Report. Every real American knows that Colbert is possibly the only true patriot left in cable news who is able to speak truth to power without fear of censorship. Why else would even liberals watch His show, only to cover their tracks by acting like it’s “a joke” that “Zach just is not in on?” It is because they are ashamed to know they are wrong and are too embarrassed to admit they have seen the conservative light!

On that particular episode of Colbert’s show, He was properly outraged over a photo of President Hussein putting his foot on the desk in the Oval Office, being the only Kenyan in history to ever do so. Colbert made a mistake, however, when He used clips from Red Eye to validate his point. A rare miss for Colbert; how did He not see He was being led into a trap by a pack of LIBERALS?

Two days later, Gutfeld was off for the night, because according to our sources at Fox News, he had injured himself sexually while watching a workout tape starring his favorite actress, Jane Fonda, a known threat to our republic. In his place was Andy Levy, commonly referred to as “TV’s Andy Levy” or “America’s Sweetheart.”

He too claims to be a libertarian, yet during the show’s Halftime Report segment, he is known to challenge the show’s conservative guests with dirty tricks like “logic” and “facts.”

He also fraternizes with a group of dot com punks known as Weird Twitter, who seemingly exist only to make jokes about serious topics, something only liberals do. The worst thing he ever did was deliver a long rant criticizing Chris Brown for doing something any moral American would do. You can watch here, but I must warn you that it is disturbing.


Colbert stood with Gutfeld and Levy, and they proceeded to swat His hand away. Colbert fell right into their trap, and Levy proceeded to act like they were joking about being outraged over something we should be considering impeachment over. Not only did Levy imply that Colbert misrepresented him, he made a case for Colbert trying to paint Fox News as a pawn of the conservative agenda, which we know is just not true…because it is a pawn of the liberal agenda!

If I weren’t paying attention, they would have been able to get away with the perfect deception. People would continue to assume that Stephen Colbert is just kidding and Fox News is a conservative leaning network that liberals would find more agreeable if they gave some of its moderate shows (yuck) a chance. Of course, none of that is true.

You may think this article is funny, but you have to know it’s not a joke.

Watch Levy’s full response to Colbert here.

Author’s Note: Greg Gutfeld and America’s Sweetheart Andy Levy could not be reached for comment. Granted, I did not reach out for comment because I was really scared that they might have actually responded.

Unemployment is at 52.4% (according to FU)

The Complete Unemployment Chart

The Complete Unemployment Chart

We have devised the most accurate measure of unemployment yet: the Fox Unemployment (FU) statistic. When calculated correctly, this statistic shows that unemployment is a staggering 52.4%!

It is important to remember that there many different ways to calculate unemployment. If unemployment seems to be decreasing while there is a black liberal guy in the White House, then obviously people are measuring unemployment the wrong way. In fact, we used the logical thought-processes of the great Mark Levin to prove that unemployment was 50% more than 6 months ago.

But with a new jobs report being released, it is important to re-visit this issue in an even more precise and logical way. We have chosen as our starting point a column from the fair-and-balanced, entitled, “February’s jobs report only looks good because our expectations are so low“. That is obviously a great headline, but it buries a much more important point that is also made in the article.

According to this article, the unemployment statistic is meaningless specifically because it ignores 1) the people who have given up looking for work, 2) the people who are lazy and don’t want to work at all, and 3) the people who are working part time.  All of these things are obviously much, much more important than anything else, even though conservatives never talked about them before there was a black liberal guy in the white house.

Following this logic, we have decided to improve upon the existing set of unemployment measurement standards by adding a new measurement. Because it is inspired by the logic that is used over at Fox News, we are calling it the Fox Unemployment (FU) statistic.

According to the FU statistic, which includes people who have given up looking for work, lazy people who don’t want a job, and people who are only working part time, unemployment under President Obama is actually 52.4%!!!!

52.4%!!!!  Isn’t that INSANE???  Have you ever heard of such a thing before????


Please remember to distribute the above chart to all of your friends and family members.

And if anyone ever tries to tell you that unemployment is less than 52.4%, then all you need to say to them is:  “Oh yeah? What about FU!”


Graph Data Source: Bureau of Labor Statistics Jobs Report
Graph Found Via: Quartz

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