Breaking News: gun death statistics are for pussies

Gun ownership and deaths by state

Gun ownership and deaths by state

SPECIAL REPORT: In the light of all of the breaking news about shootings and killings by guns lately, we feel it is our patriotic duty to present our own breaking news. Statistics about shooting deaths do not matter. What matters is this: GUNS FREAKING ROCK, MAN! Anyone who says otherwise is just filled with liberal bias.

Sure, some people might look at the above graph and notice that there is a direct relationship between the percentage of the population in a state that owns a gun, and the number of per capita gun deaths that a state experiences. They might think that this means that reducing the number of people who own guns would reduce the number of per capita gun deaths.


Deaths don’t matter.  What matters is that if all of those elementary students had been armed and shooting at each other, obviously everyone would have been much safer.  What matters is that it isn’t the guns’ fault, because crazy people still could have killed all of those people if they had been really, really, really fast and good at using a knife. What matters is that your friends will like you more when you show them how big and powerful your gun is.

And you want your friends to like you, right?



This concludes our special report.

graph data source: LCAV data
graph found via: “Important data trends the NRA doesn’t want you to know” on New Trajectory.

related post: My rights as a gun owner! (VIDEO PSA)