We still don’t know exactly how many people participated nationally in the #HandsUpWalkout protests on Monday. Although it’s clear that a very large number of people participated in dozens of cities across the country, we may never have completely reliable number estimates.
But if you are a good conservative, you know that these protests don’t represent the “will of the American people”. Far from it: these protests represent slackers and good-for-nothing sheeple who have been brainwashed. We can see this response very clearly from Conservative Twitter:
#HandsUpWalkout is proof that parents, the public education system, and institutions of “higher learning” have failed the American public
— Robert Johns (@fairlane_68) December 2, 2014
The pics I’m seeing from the #HandsUpWalkout indicate a real natl epidemic, where students and professors are unable to comprehend facts.
— Jerry (@rightinillinois) December 2, 2014
— BiLL Crowley III (@billcrowley3rd) December 2, 2014
You see? Even if there were a million billion of these protesters, we know that their voices don’t represent the “will of the people”. How do we know? Because we are conservatives. And conservatives just know.
You can see the same thing with a number of different issues. For example, the Tax Day Tea Party protests in 2009 gathered an estimated 311,460 attendees. That was clearly the will of the people making itself heard. The People’s Climate March in New York City this year, on the other hand, was estimated at 311,000 participants… but those were just deluded misguided hippies who were brainwashed by communists.
This is also why real conservatives don’t get very bothered when elections don’t go their way. You see, conservatives just know whether the right people voted or not. 69.4 million people voted for Obama in 2008? Well, some of them were racist, others were brainwashed, others were just stupid college kids (what do they know?)… but that 69.4 million was clearly not the will of the people.
On the other hand, 22.5 million voted for Republicans in the 2014 midterm elections… now that obviously represents a mandate. That’s the Voice of the American People, loud and clear! How can anybody deny it?
The same goes for polling numbers. 70% of the population supports Voter ID laws, which makes about 223 million people in the grand total. How wise! How sensible! Anyone who opposes it is clearly not listening to the wishes of AMERICA!
On the other hand, the 91% of the population who supports increased background checks for buying guns…. well, that’s just stupid. Those people are stupid. Don’t listen to them.
The difference is very clear, and very obvious… when you’re a conservative!
Please refer to this handy chart:
When 3,000 Americans were killed by foreign terrorists on 9/11, America launched two wars, changed its torture policies, opened a prison in Cuba, built a massive global surveillance infrastructure and spent trillions of dollars to try to ensure such things would never happen again. It’s hard to judge how effective any of these things were; but thankfully, foreign terrorism on US soil remains largely an “isolated incident.”
Since then, as many as 13,000 Americans have been killed on US soil. They were not killed by an organized terrorist plot, but in isolated incidents by the cops we hired to protect and serve us. Since these have been isolated incidents, and not some kind of “pattern of police abuse,” the response has been to give our police more weapons, more power to “stop and frisk” or ask “papers please,” and more excuses to harass citizens and make “bullshit arrests” to generate revenue for your town.
But it’s important to remember that these are “isolated incidents.” Isolated incidents of cops killing citizens now happen about three times a day.
Here are a few of the “isolated incidents” we saw being discussed on social media just this week:
There is obviously no pattern of police abusing power. That would be ridiculous! That would seem like we are “blaming” the police. No, no: These are just “isolated incidents.” Lots and lots and lots of isolated incidents.
How many incidents does it take , by the way, before for something becomes a pattern?
The Democrat party has been placing voter registration tables in front of teenager Michael Brown’s memorial in Ferguson, Missouri! WHAT A SCANDAL!!!!! Clearly they are trying to leverage the tragedy for their own political gain.
Zach Heltzel, always a helper, gives some advice to Democrats about when it is and is not OK to register people to vote, so that they don’t end up looking bad.
Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.
Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifL7ya_He9k
That actions of the Ferguson police department over the last two weeks have shown us, if nothing else, that you really can completely militarize a civilian area in the United States and lock down American citizens, and get at least a portion of people on your side. It seems like it should be a PR nightmare… and to an extent it is.
But the above handy-dandy flow-chart will guide you through the step-by-step process of making sure that you can always find excused and places to put the blame. So we present to you: How to do good police work, Ferguson-style!
(A process vetted and approved by the Ferguson PD in 2014!)