The GOP can #BreakTheInternet, too!

Today’s letter is about the Democrat War on Women… But I think this time my response might surprise you!

As a Republican and a Christian, of course I love the ladies. The dames. The skirts. All of them. They’re just so nifty!

But Democrats are reviving the “War on Women” strategy, trying to convince the world that somehow Christians and Republicans don’t respect women! This year they’ve got Hillary Clinton running for president and now Elizabeth Warren (the wild Senator you probably know for blaming Wall Street and corporations for our economic calamity) is the Strategic Policy Adviser to the Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. It’s somehow creating the false impression that our party focuses just on men!

How can we fight this loosing battle? How can we prove that Republicans love the ladies?

Yours truly,
Marvin

Dearest Marvin,

Well, just the other day I came across something that inspired me. I think if we are going to prove to the world that we support women’s rights and gender equality, the best thing we can do is use a female-oriented viral marketing campaign…. like KIM KARDASHIAN!

Ever since it was featured in Winter’s 2014 issue of Paper, Kim’s de derrière has popped up everywhere, trending on just about every social media website possible… I mean, these days the kids are calling it “viral media” and whatnot, but I say: she really has mastered the art of evangelism!

And yes it’s absolutely evangelism, because in April she tweeted: : “RT ‪@Women_Of_Christ: Jesus is my top priority.” If we plan on winning the souls of this country for Jesus Christ we’ve got to follow in the footsteps of Evangelist Kim Kardashian!

Recent polling shows that a majority of American women still don’t think our GOP understands their problems, they think that because Texas Sen. Jodie Laubenberg once said, “In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out,” that we now hate women! But that’s absurd! Launbenberg was just being Biblical:

And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood… she shall be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean (Leviticus 15:19-30).

Some women don’t understand that when Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake) said his father had warned him that “some girls rape easy,” that he too, was just trying to be Biblical. After all, why do you think the Proverbs 11:22 warns us: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

Now I know some good, conservative Christians think that using scantily-clad pictures of Kim Kardashian might be a bit… unseemly. I know you are thinking: “Shouldn’t we leave the exploitation and sexualization of female pop stars to the heathen sinful liberals?”

Normally I would say “yes.” But times are tough. Democrats are winning the culture wars with this “War On Women” rhetoric. We have to prove to the world that we love women. We have to prove to the world that we respect women. We have to prove to the world that we take women just as seriously as we take men.

And what better way to do that than to use one of them to help promote our politics?  So please spread these around the internet today, in the name of Jesus and the Republican party!

GOP-kardashian-break-the-internet-1

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Sin, yelling, and Game of Thrones: a guide for Modern Christians

The modern world has so much sin in it: from same-sex couples who love each other and want to get married, to women wanting equal pay, to shows like Game of Thrones. How are good Christians supposed to deal?

Pastor Gregory responds to a letter from one of our viewers, explaining that all of the terrible sin in the modern world is just a test from God. It is part of God’s plan. You see, God wants to make sure that you don’t get taken in by the seemingly harmless nature of nice polite gay people, women asking for “equal rights”, or boobies and swear words on the television set.

When the world confronts you with these sinful things, you as a Christian must speak up. No, don’t just speak up: YELL!  YELL REALLY REALLY LOUD!!!!

“If you are a good Christian,” explains Pastor Gregory, “You should always be yelling.”

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Christian and Answer with Pastor Gregory.

Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgkT943lEmU

Ep 8: Supreme Court: workplace sexual harassment is just freedom of religion

Are successful men being persecuted for their exercise of Freedom of Religion? Zach Heltzel explores some of the unsettling recent events involving the Left’s War On Men.

Thanks to the decision of the Supreme Court in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, we know that companies should be allowed to do whatever they want, regardless of any laws to the contrary, if their religion tells them that they should. This is a wonderful conservative victory.

Yet at the same time, women have been using the courts and legal system to do terrible things to successful capitalist men. Dov Charney was fired from American Apparel just because he forced a woman to give him oral sex. Tinder co-founder Justin Mateen was fired just because he called a female executive at Tinder a whore. What about their freedom of religion?

Zach Heltzel explains:

It’s time for the Supreme Court to step in again, in defense of religious freedom, liberty, and capitalism. We can’t have some kind of incoherent legal system where it’s OK to limit women’s access to contraception, but it’s not ok to call them whores.

That just doesn’t make any sense!

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.

Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZLoXumTPjY

Is there a war on masculinity? Yes, but not the one you think.

If you have been watching Fox News lately (which I don’t, because they’re too liberal), you may have heard something about a war on masculinity. Fox News contributor Brit Hume, a true American patriot if I’ve ever seen one on television, received undeserved flak this week for shedding light on the dangers of being a straight white man.

“Men today have learned the lesson the hard way that if you act like kind of an old-fashioned guy’s guy, you’re in constant danger of slipping out and saying something that’s going to get you in trouble and make you look like a sexist or make you look like you seem thuggish or whatever. That’s the atmosphere in which he operates. This guy is very much an old-fashioned, masculine, muscular guy, and there are political risks associated with that. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but that’s how it is.”

Hume is absolutely right. There is no group that has been discriminated against and unfairly treated more than the masculine male. We should be treated as a protected class and ensured the same rights and protections as everyone else, mainly women and minorities who get all the wealth and power handed to them.

However, while Fox’s heart may be in the right place on this issue, they have got it wrong. Fox News thinks that feminists have turned men into wussies. But that is not the case at all. They have done something much more sinister: they have made masculinity gay!

After decades of feminism, the muscular masculine male is more idolized than ever! Even the most muscular men can never be good enough. More and more young men are getting into bodybuilding, sports, and steroid use. More and more young men are developing eating disorders in their quest to look “ripped”. Far from turning men into skinny, limp-wristed effeminate creatures… after decades of feminism, young men are now more obsessed with masculinity than ever before!

The popular bodybuilders' meme "You mirin brah?" is an attempt to make men checking out men really, really, really masculine-sounding.
The popular bodybuilders’ meme “You mirin brah?” is an attempt to make men checking out men really, really, really, really masculine-sounding. But let’s face it: nothing sounds gayer than “You mirin’ brah?”… except possibly when someone says “no homo”. That’s pretty gay, too.

Masculine young men are, in fact, so obsessed with musculature and masculinity that they idolize men who are better looking than themselves. This obsession simulates the same neurological response as attraction… thus making all men who aspire to be masculine feel urges and feelings that are not completely unlike homosexual urges!

This is the real devious scheme of the liberal left! Instead of the “Fox News” scenario of changing straight men into wimpy guys… liberals have pressured men to be so manly that they turn homosexual!

How do I know this? Well, for the first twenty years of my life, I never felt any desire to go to the gym because I assumed that being a brilliant genius and bonafide conservative hero should have been enough to allow me to have (post-marital) sex with lots of blonde women, as God intended.

But now, on the eve of my 21st birthday, I have only held hands nine times with four women. To fix this, I’ve been at the gym four days a week, looking at the bulging biceps of the sweaty men next to me, fantasizing about being them.

About being them… which is a completely normal conservative Christian heterosexual NORMAL thing to fantasize about! Then one day, one of them asked if I wanted to “fool around” in the shower room, because he thought I “was clearly checking him out.”

So it’s official: liberal feminists have turned masculinity into “a gay thing”. You want proof? Just look what working out and being tanned and fit did to poor Republican Congressman Aaron Schock.

The inherent contradiction between traditional images of “masculinity” and today’s images of “being gay” is enough to give any normal, right-minded conservative a nervous break-down! It’s hard enough to keep our nice, neat divisions between “right” and “wrong”, “man” and “woman”, and “gay” and “straight” without confusing images like this to muddle things up:

Traditional conservatives love traditional masculinity: muscles, body and facial hair, tattoos.... but now liberals have corrupted that because these people are clearly homosexual OMG LIFE IS SO CONFUSING FOR TRADITIONAL CONSERVATIVES *SOB* [photo courtesy of Noise Magazine]
Traditional conservatives love traditional masculinity: muscles, body and facial hair, tattoos…. but now liberals have corrupted that because these people are clearly homosexual OMG LIFE IS SO CONFUSING *SOB* It’s difficult being a conservative. [photo courtesy of Noize Magazine]

So in conclusion, there is only one thing us real American patriotic men can do to combat this: be fat, lazy, and stupid.

BE FAT LAZY AND STUPID, like our traditional conservative heroes, so that you don’t accidentally turn gay.

It’s the only way to fight liberal feminism.

Car insurance has liberal bias!

This man is angry because of all the sexism.

According to an article called “How men can beat gender bias in car insurance” at CBSNew.com, “Men pay about $15,000 more for auto insurance over their lifetimes than women do, according to CoverHound.com, an insurance shopping service.”

This man is angry because of all the sexism.Now I want to ask all you liberals out there: when did sexism become okay?  When did you decide that you would penalize poor, downtrodden men just because of their gender? Isn’t this exactly the type of thing all you broads are gabbing about when you say things like “gender bias” and “sexism” and “blah blah blah” and all that noise?

BUT NOW YOUR HYPOCRISY HAS BEEN EXPOSED, EVIL LIBERALS!

 

You are fine with companies charging men more for things, just because they happen to be male!

Sure, you liberals try to dress up your argument by saying things like, “Men are more aggressive drivers!” But that is just as sexist! After all, aggression is a male trait. To penalize people for being aggressive is just a sneaky way of penalizing them for being male. Feminists hate aggressiveness because it’s a male trait. I remember hearing Rush Limbaugh say that.

So,, in conclusion, this is an insidious example of the true liberal agenda, which is sexist, and racist, and naturist, and all the other “ist” words that mean they hate white males who created everything worthwhile in this world!

The car insurance company is clearly in collusion with the liberals. After all, why else would there be a “Progressive Insurance” and not a “Conservative Insurance”?

Just think about THAT!