God speaks through Ham to make a prophecy for 2016.

The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution, as it should have been written.

In a TV aired debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, the secular lies of science were utterly demolished by the truths of God’s Word. God spoke through Ham to prove the Earth is 6,000 years old, that Adam and Eve road around on dinosaurs, and that human beings were the cause for everything evil in the Universe.

But God also had a greater plan: God was using this debate to establish Ken Ham’s 2016 presidential campaign!

If you can read between the lines, like I can, you will see that Ken Ham was not just obliterating the mythical secular scientism of Bill Nye…. He was actually proposing legislative policy! He was basically giving his first State of the Union address. Consider these three quotes:

“God invented marriage. By the way. That’s where marriage comes from and it’s to be a man and a woman.”

“Get rid of old people, I mean why not? They’re just animals and they’re costing us a lot of money. Abortion. Get rid of spare cats and spare kids, we’re all animals.”

“It’s the Creationists that should be educating the kids out there. Because we’re teaching them the right way to think.”

God was clearly using the power of His Holy Spirit to penetrate the head of Ham, forcing him to speak in a trance like state, and articulate the perfect Republican campaign platform… even if it did consist mainly of unconnected sentence fragments.

With nearly a one million YouTube views already, this easily-won-debate has stirred the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere. How can we interpret the popularity of this video, except to think that Ham was a complete success? And, God willing, he will be the next Republican President! Ken Ham 2016!

Dinosaur sex has a liberal bias!

Buttsex killed the dinosaurs

Recently the liberal-leaning news source, National Public Radio (NPR), published an article by Robert Krulwhich in which he discusses the inability for scientists to figure out how dinosaurs mated. This is a basic question that should easily be answered by scientists, but nonetheless they are unable to answer or even fabricate another wild theory (like “the Big Bang” or “global warming”) to give the illusion of an explanation.

Doesn’t this prove that dinosaurs are just a vast left-wing conspiracy?

These scientists want us to believe that the planet is 130 million years old and was populated by dinosaurs for thousands of years, but have no way of proving or even comprehending how these massive beasts were able to procreate. It is laughable.

As we know from the God-breathed Biblical perspective, procreation is a central purpose of life.

Well, the most central purpose is glorifying God. But in order to do this, we as humans are commanded by God to populate the Earth with other people and to dominate over the animals, land, and other life forms (Genesis 1:29-31).

If we follow this elementary logic we would begin to see very quickly that if these so-called brilliantly educated scientists cannot prove Dinosaurs were physically capable of producing more offspring, there is no reason to believe that they existed at all.

Why would the scientists weave this tall tale about dinosaurs and yet admit that they could not procreate? Is it a sinister way to fuse together the evolutionist agenda with the gay agenda? (Since gays also cannot procreate.)

We may never know the answer to this serious question.

Buttsex killed the dinosaurs

What Truth should Christians believe instead?

As a Biblical Christian, I think it is imperative to understand the world as God has told us it came into existence:

  1. God spoke the stars and Earth into existence by breathing out the complexity of life itself.
  2. God created two people, Adam and Eve, who were able to procreate and filled the entire Earth with billions of people using great, heterosexual, monogamous sex.
  3. But before this was possible, God banished them from a beautiful nudist garden of delight because they, tempted by a talking snake, ate the wrong fruit.
  4. The God of the Universe wasn’t willing to accept the gross rebellion of food choice. A perfect God cannot accept an apple-eating heathen.
  5. The garden was blocked off by two flaming swords that hid the wonders of the nudist-garden.

Now THAT makes much more sense than some weird fairy-story about sterile homo-sexing giant lizards.

 

RELATED ARTICLE: Australian rock art has liberal bias (+ gay animal butt sex)!

Radical new conservative movement denies that humans exist

Humans are a figment of God's imagination

In an effort to combat liberal bias in science, a new conservative religious movement fights “evolutionist propaganda” by denying that human creation ever happened.

Over the last several decades, there have been two major public fracas between Science and  Religion: Global Warming and Evolutionism. Although religious conservatives have had a great deal of success in convincing people that global warming is a hoax, they have not had the same level of success on the topic of evolution. Among the incredibly intelligent United States voters, only 41% believe in human-caused climate change, but a whole 63% believe in evolution in some form.

Obviously, conservatives have to step up their game in combating this evolutionism stuff.

Pastor William Jennings, of the First National Church of the Real Conservative Jesus, believes that this difference is due to a difference in the approach being made in each debate.

“In the debate about global warming, conservatives have taken the strongest, largest, hardest, most extreme position possible: they have simply denied that global warming exists at all. If they had taken some kind of wishy-washy, in-between stance, like insisting that global warming is happening but it’s too late to do anything about it, or that it’s happening but it’s not entirely caused by humans, then the message wouldn’t have been as effective,” explains Jennings. “The only way we have convinced people has been to be as extreme as possible.”

Jennings goes on to explain that this is not what conservatives have done in the evolution argument. “The real core question, philosophically, is how did humans come into existence? Instead of debating whether humans came into existence this way or that way, conservatives should follow the lead of Global Warming Deniers: simply deny that humans came into existence at all.”

 

Humans are a figment of God's imaginationThe First National Church of the Real Conservative Jesus has been teaching that in fact, human beings do not exist. If humans do not exist, and have always not existed, then there is no need to even ask the question of how they came into existence.

“It’s kind of a combination of Aristotelian philosophy and solipsism,” says Jennings. “Since God has always existed, and we are a figment of God’s imagination, then not only do we not exist, but we’ve been a figment of God’s imagination for an eternity. Therefore the whole idea of a ‘beginning’ of humanity is just the wrong question to ask.”

Although this philosophical movement is very new, it certainly seems to have a great deal of potential. Very recently, California Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher got a lot of press for claiming that global warming is a complete hoax perpetrated simply to try to generate a world government.

“If we could just convince people that the whole idea that humans were created at all is also a hoax,” suggests Jennings, “That just might be extreme enough to convince more people that evolution is wrong.  Or at least, to convince more Republicans.”

 

This flying squirrel has a liberal bias!

Liberal Flying Squirrel

Liberal Flying Squirrel

“Flying squirrels are hippies, have a well-known liberal bias and are part of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy,” writes Darrell B. Nelson, at Project Savior. We think this is an important and often-overlooked point.

His argument is based on the issue of evolution theory. Over the years, conservatives have mustered a number of stock arguments against evolution, that they can turn out in any conversation at a moment’s notice. Most of these are well-known, for example: “Star fish haven’t changed in billions of years therefore evolution must be completely wrong” or “If everything is evolving why don’t chimps make sassy Broadway musicals yet?”

One of the more fancy arguments against evolution is based on an idea called “irreducible complexity” and goes like this. Evolution happens slowly, in baby-steps.  There are some features that are enormously complex, and if they are only partially-made they won’t work at all. For example, a wing is a very complex thing. Evolution is gradual, so it can’t make an entire complex wing out of nothing in one generation.

But how could evolution ever get to a whole, complex wing if it goes gradually in “baby-steps”? There is no use to half-made wing! Therefore, evolution would never be able to get around to making a full wing… unless there was something intelligent guiding it!!

That argument has been used over and over again by creationists trying to defend conservative principles against the immoral liberalism of evolution.

But there is a problem: flying squirrels.

Flying squirrels have legs with a simple flap of skin that allows them to glide through the air as they jump from tree to tree. They basically have a “half wing”: a very simple thing that is like a partially formed wing. But it is not useless.  It helps them jump farther and faster, both to get food and get away from predators.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STUPID SQUIRRELS?

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO BELIEVING IN EVOLUTION?

The only conclusion is the flying squirrels must be liberals. We have added the appropriate speech bubble in the above picture to signify this fact.

 

Prehistoric eel-worm has liberal bias!

Liberal Eel-Worm

Liberal Eel-Worm

Recently paleontologists have found a fossil of some kind of tiny worm thing that they say is related to us. This is plainly ridiculous based on the following proofs:

1) WE ARE NOT WORMS. Duh.

2) Just because something is similar to us, doesn’t mean it is our ancestor. Triangles are similar to squares, but did triangles evolve from squares? I DON’T THINK SO.

3) The science performed by the scientists is already suspect, since they claim the worm is 505 million-year-old and that would mean it was around before Creation and nothing was around back then, that’s why it’s called “Creation.”

4) I once buried a dead worm in a flower pot, and when I dug it up a month later it was TOTALLY GONE which proves that fossils of worms can’t exist.

Despite all of these logical and irrefutable proofs, this worm is fooling all kinds of science people into thinking that we evolved from worms!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STUPID LITTLE WORM? WHY ARE YOU TRICKING SCIENTISTS INTO BELIEVING EVOLUTION?

I’ll tell you what is wrong with this worm. Tens of hundreds of years ago, when dinosaurs were being hunted by Noah for their tasty flesh, this worm was conspiring with Godless atheist liberals in a devious plot to spread their amoral agenda.

This fossil is nothing more than evidence that this worm is a LIBERAL!!!!

I have added the appropriate speech bubble to indicate this fact.

source: PhysOrg.com
via
: Michael Vacirca

Brewer’s yeast has liberal bias!

Liberal Yeast

Liberal Yeast

This is a picture of a single-celled yeast organism. Normally, I would only have good things to say about this little guy, since he is responsible for beer.

However, scientists have recently been involved in a politically-motivated liberal experiment.  By combining the yeast cells with gravity (which, by the way, also has suspect political affiliations), the scientists showed that the yeast cells would cooperate and possibly evolve into multi-cellular life!

First of all, this story is obviously not presenting both sides of the story. If they are talking about the “evolution” of multi-cellular life, should they not also be talking about God’s intelligent design of yeast? Should they not also be talking about the fact that yeast has clearly been designed with a purpose, because why else would it make beer???

But even worse than that, why are these yeast cells cooperating to begin with?

SINGLE-CELL YEAST, WHY ARE YOU COOPERATING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Everybody knows that the source of all success is capitalism, and the root of capitalism is competition, not cooperation! The word “cooperation” begins with “co” just like “communism” does, and that’s not coincidence!

If these yeast cells are cooperating with one another, and “evolving” into multicellular organisms, there really is no way to avoid the obvious conclusion: these yeast cells are LIBERALS!!!!

I have added the appropriate speech bubble to illustrate this fact.

source: The State Column
via
: Thanks to Jeff from Bray New World for the tip

 

Ice Age movie has liberal bias!

Ice Age Bias

Ice Age Bias

Some forms of liberal indoctrination are more subtle than others. The ultra-left wing publication “Scientific American” has published an interview with the makers of the animated film “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs” that reveals a shocking fact: the secret liberal indoctrination agenda of the film.

Art director Mike Knapp claims that in the dinosaur’s “land” in the film you will see no grass, but instead will see lichen and other plant life, because “no grass existed at the time.” This is an obvious slap in the face of, and contradiction to, the Bible, which states very clearly that God created grass on the third day, before he created dinosaurs on the sixth day.

So pay close attention to the background scenery in this supposedly innocent and cute animated movie… and make sure you teach your children that it is filled with liberal bias!!!!

source: Scientific American