Ep 24: 2014 midterm elections PROVE there is liberal media bias!

Did you know that Republicans made gains in the Senate, the House, and Governorships across the United States in the 2014 Midterm Elections? Of course you didn’t, because we have a liberally biased media.

All the media has been talking about in the Liberal News has been liberal victories like gun control, pot legalization, fracking bans, minimum wage increases… the list goes on and on.

That’s what the media has been focusing on, right? Of course it is. Because we have a liberally biased media.

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjPy7DUgRj0

Republicans are super-flexible. Here are 3 specific examples.

The Daily Edge: Republican Twister! Republicans are open-minded and SUPER-flexible, and we can explain why

Republicans get a bad rap in the press. Liberals accuse them of being rigid, closed-minded and inflexible. Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, as every “lifelong Republican” knows, being a member of the GOP requires you to constantly re-evaluate your positions, and even your “core” beliefs. It’s exciting! And it demonstrates great flexibility: how can you not be flexible when you start your Republican life agreeing with the teachings of Jesus Christ and St. Ronald Reagan, and end up marching in lockstep with Russian-born atheist Ayn Rand and those poor-hating, planet-polluting Koch Brothers?

“Oh, you’re exaggertaing!” some might say. Well, here’s just a sampling of how flexible and open to new ideas you, as a lifelong Republican, have shown yourself to be:

 

On People:

THEN: You used to agree with President Reagan that it was highly immoral and distinctly UnAmerican for high-paid executives to pay lower tax rates than their secretaries .

NOW: You refuse to watch Ronald Reagan videos on YouTube that have clearly been doctored by liberals. You are shocked and offended that Marxists like Warren Buffett continue to suggest that millionaires and billionaires should not pay a lower tax rate than their secretaries!

 

On the Planet:

THEN: You placed your trust in God and Richard Nixon. You listened to the Bible when it told you not to destroy what He had created. You were inspired by Richard Nixon’s 1969 State of the Union and his 37-point message with goals for the environment. You cheered when Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency which passed the Clean Air Act. You thought God would be pleased, too.

NOW: You believe only in Freedom. Specifically the right of companies like Koch-connected Freedom Industries to poison the drinking water in West Virginia. You were inspired when Sarah Palin chanted “Drill, Baby, Drill!” because it sounded so real American-y. You realize now that Richard Nixon must have been a secret European Muslim and God was wrong too. Because unless we approve the Koch Brothers’ Keystone XL pipeline immediately, Fox News tells “lifelong Republicans” the American way of life we cherish so much will be gone forever.

 

On the Presidency:

THEN: You understood that to fight the War on Terror, Dick Cheney had no alternative but to put the Constitution through the shredder and run the country as a “dictatorship”. You supported policies that gave President George W. Bush “unchecked presidential power over the use of military force, the detention and interrogation of prisoners, extraordinary rendition and intelligence gathering”.

NOW: You realize that Barack H. Obama is a ruthless Imperial Despot destroying America by issuing far fewer Executive Orders than his predecessors. Plus, he’s also a mom jeans-wearing wimp who’s reaffirmed America’s commitment to the Geneva Conventions. Impeachment is the only option!

 


 

Remember, you don’t abandon your principles based on which party’s in power or just because the President’s middle name is, you know, Hussein. You’re not a flip-flopper or a dittohead. NO SIRREE!

After all, how can you be accused of changing your “core values” if you deny remembering that they were ever different? How can you be accused of “flip-flopping” when the current president is black and all of the previous ones were white? Situations change! Whatever!

What matters is that you are fully committed to your principles as defined by Fox News, ALEC and the Koch Brothers during each 24-hour news cycle. That kind of core value takes all kinds of flexibility.

And being that flexible is not only fun–it’s also a great workout!

Ep 18: How to discredit the People’s Climate March and prove climate change is a lie

We had reporters on the ground at the People’s Climate March in New York City, and reveal our exclusive footage of the protesters that ABSOLUTELY PROVES that global warming is a hoax, climate change is a myth, and all environmentalists are wrong about everything.

How could footage of an environmentalist rally prove all of these things, you ask? Watch the video to find out.

Our own exclusive footage of the march at 0:19. Review of Tea Party tweets critiquing the march start at 1:28.

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejo5Epg3Re8

John D. Rockefeller had a liberal bias!

John D. Rockefeller was a liberal!

John Davison Rockefeller: oil tycoon, founder of Standard Oil, multi-bazillionaire. In his lifetime, accused of espionage, price wars, heavy-handed marketing tactics, and courtroom evasions. How could conservatives not admire the man! He is clearly a man after our own conservative, tea-party, regulation-free, oil-loving, big-business hearts!

Yet, with the usual amount of LIBERAL BIAS you see in history books so-called “educational fact-based” things, what you read about the man does not seem totally conservative by today’s standards.

He gave millions of dollars to universities and colleges, even though today’s conservatives know that schools are liberal indoctrination camps designed to turn our children into atheists and homosexuals.

He gave millions to helping medical research and the medical field, even though today’s conservatives know that medicine is a hoax and all you need to heal people is prayer to Jesus.

And now, just yesterday, to add further insult to his name, Stephen Heintz, president of Rockefeller Brothers Fund, is participating in a pro-environmental movement by divesting the Rockefeller money from oil, coal and gas! Heintz says, “We are quite convinced that if [John D. Rockefeller] were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.”

That’s about the least conservative thing I’ve ever heard!!

So what are we to make of all of these historical “facts” about Rockefeller?

Personally, I’m tempted to simply blame the historical facts for being inaccurate. This man was rich, he owned a monopoly, he loved business and oil… obviously he was a conservative, and therefore he must agree with every opinion of today’s conservative movement!

Much like we did with Ronald Reagan, who was against nuclear bombs and loved raising taxes, we will have to go back and forcefully re-write the history of Rockefeller to make sure his true, deep-down conservative nature is honored.

I mean, if we didn’t…. it would just give people the horrifying idea that John D. Rockefeller was somehow, in some minor way, a liberal!!!

 

[* Historical note: We have added the “I love taxes” speech bubble to the image of Rockefeller, above, as a way to illustrate his icky evil liberalness.  SHUDDER.  In reality, of course, he was around before income taxes, which is part of the reason he was able to amass such ginormous amounts of money while most other people were dirt poor.]

What is a fiscal conservative?

There seems to be a lot of confusion about what the term “fiscal conservative” means these days. We have gathered some images and examples from recent news stories to help clear things up:

Rick Perry's Texas Militia are Fiscal Conservatives

A fiscal conservative says we can’t afford to improve our schools. And also spends millions of dollars to send people to stand at the border, even though they have no power to actually do anything once they get there.

Rolling Coal is something that fiscal conservatives do

A fiscal conservative says that the government wastes too much money and should be more efficient. And also modifies trucks so that they deliberately waste fuel and cause premature engine deterioration.

 

So, hopefully now you understand better what it means to be a “Fiscal Conservative”.

Can you think of other examples of what it means to be a “fiscal conservative”? Leave it in the comments, and we may add it as an image here!