These Bible quotes prove God supports the XL Pipeline

Keystone XL Pipeline Holy Oil

Today’s letter is about the Keystone XL pipeline, and the environment.

What does God think about the Keystone Pipeline bill? All 45 Republicans voted for it, but those pesky Democrats seem to think we should be more careful about the things we do that might harm God’s green earth. Does God want the pipeline, or not?



Many people don’t know this, but Bible specifically addresses oil, and if you understand scripture as  completely as I do you know that God fully supports the Keystone Pipeline! Here are a few verses to illuminate my point:


James 5:14 – Are any sick among you? Pray over him, anointing him with OIL in the name of the Lord.

Exodus 30:31-33 – And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, This shall be a HOLY OIL unto me throughout your generations.

Psalms 92:10 – But my horn shalt thou exalt like [the horn of] a unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh OIL.


It’s right there, in the Bible. God-fearing Christians, by which I mean REAL Republicans, must support the Keystone Pipeline!

Liberals, of course, disagree. But as good God-fearing Republicans, we need to stick to our guns: the Bible is God’s unquestionable word, and God’s word is without error, it’s perfectly logical. The Bible’s logic is unlike human logic, it doesn’t work with traditional logical formulations, rather the Bible is God’s holy logic that we finite beings will never fully understand; that’s why we Christians are so humble, because we never truly will know everything – we’ll just come really really really close.

Now, some liberals will try to confuse you by pointing to passages in the Bible that seem to be against doing things that could potentially harm our environment, such as:


Psalms 104: 25-30 – There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number— living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there. These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust. When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth.

Leviticus 25:23-24 – The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you are but aliens and my tenants. Throughout the country that you hold as a possession, you must provide for the redemption of the land.

Jeremiah 2:7 – I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable.

Isaiah 24:4-6 – The earth dries up and withers, the world languishes and withers, the exalted of the earth languish. The earth is defiled by its people; they have disobeyed the laws, violated the statutes and broken the everlasting covenant. Therefore a curse consumes the earth; its people must bear their guilt. Therefore earth’s inhabitants are burned up, and very few are left.

Revelation 11:18 – The nations were angry; and your wrath has come. The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your saints and those who reverence your name, both small and great — and for destroying those who destroy the earth.


“Don’t these Biblical passages mean that God wants us to care for the earth?” liberals will ask.

No. Not, they don’t. That’s stupid.

The reality is, if the earth dies, and rivers get polluted, and life dies out… it’s just what God wants. Like Florida Rep. Jeff Miller did, “Our climate will continue to change because of the way God formed the earth.” And as Florida Sen. Marco Rubio said, “The government can’t change the weather” either!

Consider Isaiah 40:8: “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” Maybe God wants the grass to wither and the flowers to all die out! Ever thought of that?

So the environmentalists have it all wrong. God wants us to keep fighting to build that pipe!

“Let justice roll down like [OIL] and righteousness like an endless river.” -Amos 5:24

Pastor Gregory

China Moves Quickly to Prevent Spread of Inhofe

Inhofe believes the earth is 6000 years old and the antiChrist is real. Therefore he is in charge of science.

World leaders continue to react with horror at the results of the US midterm elections, and specifically the likely ascension of climate change denier James Inhofe (R-OK) to the head of the Senate Committee on Environment.

China, a country that insists on using science class to teach students science instead of how awesome God is, was especially bewildered and dismayed by the recent election results.

“Our scientists warned us that a single Inhofe, left to his own devices, would do serious damage to the environment. It could stop regulating the world’s worst polluters, cause global food unrest and accelerate the destruction of the planet,” said a Chinese spokesperson. “The fact that such a moron is being placed in charge of US environmental policy is deeply troubling to every nation. Deeply troubling.”

Unlike the US, China does not have a national contingency plan to mitigate the effects of global warming by ascending to heaven with Jesus. So today, in a coordinated action to stop the deadly spread of Inhofe, China’s communist leaders partnered with the Kenyan socialist Barack Hussein Obama to ensure that both China and the US will substantially curb greenhouse emissions over the next two decades.

This historic move gives people around the world hope that the deadly spread of Inhofe may be stopped, although Senator James Inhofe himself continued to insist that climate change is a hoax, and even if it isn’t, “the Rapture is coming soon anyway.”

Ep 18: How to discredit the People’s Climate March and prove climate change is a lie

We had reporters on the ground at the People’s Climate March in New York City, and reveal our exclusive footage of the protesters that ABSOLUTELY PROVES that global warming is a hoax, climate change is a myth, and all environmentalists are wrong about everything.

How could footage of an environmentalist rally prove all of these things, you ask? Watch the video to find out.

Our own exclusive footage of the march at 0:19. Review of Tea Party tweets critiquing the march start at 1:28.

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.

Video direct link:

John D. Rockefeller had a liberal bias!

John D. Rockefeller was a liberal!

John Davison Rockefeller: oil tycoon, founder of Standard Oil, multi-bazillionaire. In his lifetime, accused of espionage, price wars, heavy-handed marketing tactics, and courtroom evasions. How could conservatives not admire the man! He is clearly a man after our own conservative, tea-party, regulation-free, oil-loving, big-business hearts!

Yet, with the usual amount of LIBERAL BIAS you see in history books so-called “educational fact-based” things, what you read about the man does not seem totally conservative by today’s standards.

He gave millions of dollars to universities and colleges, even though today’s conservatives know that schools are liberal indoctrination camps designed to turn our children into atheists and homosexuals.

He gave millions to helping medical research and the medical field, even though today’s conservatives know that medicine is a hoax and all you need to heal people is prayer to Jesus.

And now, just yesterday, to add further insult to his name, Stephen Heintz, president of Rockefeller Brothers Fund, is participating in a pro-environmental movement by divesting the Rockefeller money from oil, coal and gas! Heintz says, “We are quite convinced that if [John D. Rockefeller] were alive today, as an astute businessman looking out to the future, he would be moving out of fossil fuels and investing in clean, renewable energy.”

That’s about the least conservative thing I’ve ever heard!!

So what are we to make of all of these historical “facts” about Rockefeller?

Personally, I’m tempted to simply blame the historical facts for being inaccurate. This man was rich, he owned a monopoly, he loved business and oil… obviously he was a conservative, and therefore he must agree with every opinion of today’s conservative movement!

Much like we did with Ronald Reagan, who was against nuclear bombs and loved raising taxes, we will have to go back and forcefully re-write the history of Rockefeller to make sure his true, deep-down conservative nature is honored.

I mean, if we didn’t…. it would just give people the horrifying idea that John D. Rockefeller was somehow, in some minor way, a liberal!!!


[* Historical note: We have added the “I love taxes” speech bubble to the image of Rockefeller, above, as a way to illustrate his icky evil liberalness.  SHUDDER.  In reality, of course, he was around before income taxes, which is part of the reason he was able to amass such ginormous amounts of money while most other people were dirt poor.]

Liberal graphs round-up: May 14 2014

This first graph shows that attacks during the Obama administration have been dramatically lower than ANY previous Republican administration. This obviously can’t be true, because Benghazi.

Hat tip to @BmoreProgressiv for tweeting this graph, which originally appeared on Mother Jones.

Attacks on U.S. diplomatic targets.

This next graph seems to show that the attitudes of Republicans toward the threat of climate change mirrors the attitudes of fascist, anti-science, oppressive states like Pakistan, Egypt and China. That that is just misleading, because Freedom.

Hat tip to @JeffersonObama for tweeting this graph.

Views on climate change

This next graph shows that Scott Walker’s economic policies have caused job growth in Wisconsin to completely and utterly tank ever since Scott Walker took office, and more specifically since he has been able to implement his conservative economic policies. That, however, must be a liberal illusion of some sort, because Capitalism.

Hat tip to @adbridgeforth  for tweeting this graph.

Wisconsin job growth

Finally, the last image isn’t a graph, but a set of statistics, so it sort of counts. According to this collection of numbers, the Republican Party is disgustingly, disastrously out of touch with the American people! That clearly cannot be right, because Media Bias!

Hate tip to @eelawl1966 for tweeting this image, originally created and shared by @GOPMeme:

Poll results on the issues

Do you know a graph with LIBERAL BIAS that you’d like to see featured? Please email us the tip at or tweet us the graph @LiberalBias!

Real conservatives drink oil.

Dying of Thirst is the American Way

Thank God for Texans! In Texas, people know that oil and money are way more important than water.

Dying of Thirst is the American Way
Original artwork by Hergé of Tin Tin comics.


There is a story that has been completely misrepresented by the liberally bias media.

Across Texas, there are small towns that are completely drying up because the oil industry is using all of their water for fracking.

According to an article in The Guardian, farms are literally drying up, and cattle-herders are losing animals and even having to move or close down, because the wells are going dry.

If the current heat-wave and dryness continue for much longer, with oil companies shipping out what little water exists within town borders, these small population centers could become ghost towns.

The Guardian, a pinko liberally biased publication, calls this a “tragedy”.


Nay, this is a symbolic embodiment of Freedom Itself!


What the liberally biased media won’t tell you is that the oil companies aren’t exactly “stealing” the water from these towns: the people in these towns are selling it willingly.

That’s right! Freedom-loving patriots in Texas, who worship the only two true gods, Jesus and the Bottom Line, just can’t help themselves when the oil companies back a truck load of cash up against their garage doors.

And they literally don’t see a problem with sucking every last drop of water out of their environment until the earth as dry and orange as John Boehner’s post-tan afterglow.

Larry Baxter, for example, is a resident of the small town Mertzon, TX, who is quoted by the Guardian as saying: “People use their water for food and fibre. I choose to use my water to sell to the oil field… I don’t see any difference.”

Only a true patriot could say that he sees no difference between selling water to oil companies, and using it to…. well, you know…. drink and grow food.

If you’re a real conservative, you don’t need water. You drink oil.


Seriously, though. Like all good conservatives, he’s motivated by money. If he sucks 20 to 30 trucks’ worth of water out of the ground each day and sells it to the oil companies, he can easily make $36,000 a month.

Of course, when you’re shipping 20 to 30 trucks of water out of a town with very limited wells, eventually you end up with less of a town and more of a tumble weed farm.

But, dude…. $36,000 per month! That’s what freedom is all about!

How to graph climate change without liberal bias!

"Annual Global Temperature Anomalies" blah blah blah

Listen up, conservatives! There is a right way and a wrong way to present graphs about climate change. When presented the wrong way, climate change data can lead to all kinds of liberal bias!!!

"Annual Global Temperature Anomalies" blah blah blahFor example, in the radical leftist subversive anti-American Wonk Blog today, there was a graph presented showing that annual global temperature anomalies have been increasing drastically since the 1950’s, and are still increasing today, although the rate of increase seems to have slowed down somewhat.

This graph is obviously way too confusing and filled with liberal bias. First of all, it shows way too much data. Who needs to go back all the way to the 1950’s?  I mean, unless you are looking for inspiration for new women’s issues policies.

Second, this term “global temperature anomalies” sounds pretty vague and suspicious to me. They are probably measuring something weird.

Third, well just look at the graph. Clearly it might lead people to the false conclusion that the climate is changing, when very clearly it is not, because God would never do that. Plus, liberals are very suspicious. Plus, I heard there were some emails that proved global warming is false, or something.

So instead, we present to you the following conservative-approved graph (guaranteed to be free from Liberal Bias):

Ocean Surface Temperature

In this graph, we have limited the data collection to just the last few decades, and we’ve measured something very simple: the surface of the ocean. As you can see, in this graph, there is obviously NO WARMING.

Therefore, global warming is a big hoax.


Now, of course, some people might say that measuring just the surface temperature of the oceans for only 30 years is sort of like saying “I measured the weight of my right hand over the last 5 hours, and from that I conclude that I haven’t gained any weight!”

……But don’t listen to that kind of thing. It’s clearly just another form of liberal bias!!!!


graph 1 found via: Wonk Blog
graph 2 found via: Bob Tisdale’s Blog

UNSKEWED GRAPH: Scientists split on climate change

Scientists split on climate change

Scientists split on climate change

As a public service, we have created this graph to illustrate the virtual dead heat between scientists who accept climate change as a theory, and those who do not accept it.

There have been a number of articles recently that have presented this same data, but with very biased graphs that seem to suggest that scientists almost all believe in climate change.

In order to counter this propaganda, we advise you to begin disseminating the above graph immediately.  As you can see, it accurately represents the conservative view that both sides are pretty much the same.

If anyone suggests anything else, well that must just be liberal bias!!


graph data source:

related articles:
Federal Spending Graph: UNSKEWED!,
There are two sides to every story, and one of them is socialist.

Temperature anomalies have a liberal bias!

Liberal temperature anomalies

This left-wing propaganda chart seems to imply that this year is one of the hottest years since 1895. But that can’t be right, because some guy at Forbes magazine said the world is cooling!

According to this graph, January through July of this year was the warmest first seven months of any year on record for the United States. The national temperature of 56.4°F was 4.3°F above the long-term average. Most of the contiguous U.S. was record and near-record warm for the seven-month period, except the Pacific Northwest.


How do I know?

Because Peter Ferrara told me.

Who is Peter Ferrara, you may ask? Is he some notable climate scientist? No, but even better: he’s the Director of Entitlement and Budget Policy for the Heartland Institute. And he wrote an article for Forbes magazine.

The title of this article is, “Sorry Global Warming Alarmists, The Earth Is Cooling.” So basically, you can stop reading right there. The earth is cooling, which totally disproves the above graph. Case closed.

But if you did bother to read further in the article, you would find that he attended a conference where lots of serious people said serious things, and one of the people presenting at this conference predicted that we are now in the middle of a 25-year cyclical cooling period. He makes dire predictions that it could get REALLY cold, in fact, over the next 10-15 years. You just wait.

You will also be impressed by the fact that Peter Ferrara spends a lot of time talking about how scientific and objective and not like partisan political hacks any of the people at these conferences are. You know he can recognize partisan political hacks when he sees them, because when you look over his history of contributions to Forbes Magazine you get things like:

Obama’s Real Unemployment Rate Is 14.7%, And A Recession’s On The Way
Obama Is The Biggest Spender In World History
There’s No Mystery To Slow Economic Growth: Progressives Are The Problem
Why the Supreme Court Will Strike Down All of Obamacare

Clearly this is a man who is not only unbiased, but is also correct about everything.

So I leave you with this question: which would you rather believe? The above chart created from government data? Or Peter Ferrara, the obviously neutral and unbiased non-scientist who attended a conference recently?

I know who I trust. How about you?

graph source: National Climactic Data Center

Sneaky climate chart uses numbers to lie!

Biased Climate Change Chart

This chart severely misrepresents the ambiguity of the Global Warming debate. By relying on liberally biased “numbers”, it fails to represent the basic principle of fairness: there are two sides to every story.

This chart is being spread on Facebook and through other liberal social media conduits. It divides the circle into two pieces: one piece represents people who believe in the fallacy of global warming (black) and the other piece represents the people who correctly reject the discredited theory of global warming (red). By nefariously making the surface area of each piece proportional to the number of studies supporting each position, it gives the overall impression that there is overwhelming support for the climate change lie.

In fact, by looking at this graph, one might even get the impression that people who deny climate change are just a sad, tiny little fringe cadre of whack-a-doodle extremists pathetically trying to get some attention by catering to ignorant people.

But that interpretation is obviously nonsense!!

The only conclusion, therefore, is that the graph must be wrong. This graph is simply unfair to climate change deniers.  And don’t liberals say they like fairness?

Unbiased climate change chartWe at have decided to provide for you the unskewed version of this same graph. Notice that this graph more correctly represents the fact that there are two sides to this story, and nobody can really know for sure what the right answer is. This graph shows the fair and balanced version of the debate.

Notice that we are not lying about any of the numbers, per se. We point out that 24 papers reject global warming. But we have adjusted the area of each section of the graph to correctly get across the correct feeling of the debate, namely: there are two sides to every story, and we’ll have to leave it there.

We will not allow our graphs to be dictated by numbers and statistics!

After all, if we did that, it would inevitably lead to liberal bias!!


graph data source: “The State of Climate Science: A Thorough Review of the Scientific Literature on Global Warming” by Dr. James Powell
graph found via: The “I fucking love science” Facebook Page

Tracking Hurricane Sandy: Event Timeline

Keep an eye on this LIVE FEED for constant updates on critical events related to the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. We offer the most complete picture, with no liberal bias!

Live Photo of Hurricane Sandy.

January 20, 2009:

– Barack Obama is inaugurated. This set the stage for multiple disasters, including the collapse of our economy, the total destruction of the constitution and freedom in America, and the unrepentant War on Christianity. God starts to get mad.

May 18, 2009:

– Barack Obama announces new mileage and efficiency standards as part of a secret plot to undermine industry and destroy the economy. God doesn’t like that.

January 7, 2010:

– The EPA proposes stricter limits on smog pollutants, trying to cynically use scare tactics to put their boots on the necks of small businesses through over-regulation. Now, God is really pissed.

June 24, 2011:

– New York legalizes same-sex marriages. Now God, in a blind rage, vows never to go back there, even if he wants to see a really good Broadway musical.

October 24, 2012:

– God finally gets sick of all of the liberals passing their stupid laws and acting all gay and stuff, and so decides to send up a hurricane as punishment.

October 25, 2012:

– Hurricane Sandy passed through the Bahamas, which is where Hurricane Katrina started, which everyone knows was divine retribution.

– Hurricane Sandy attacks Cuba, a sure sign that God hates communism and that Sandy is the fist of God punishing evildoers. He’s warming up for New York City.

October 26, 2012:

– New York City, that well-known hotbed of pornography, homosexuality, and other deviants,  declares a state of emergency instead of praying. Obviously, this makes God even more angry.

October 27, 2012: 

– New Jersey declares a state of emergency while God laughs.

October 28, 2012:

– Broadway theaters, The United Nations, and New Jersey casinos shut on Sunday night for 24 to 48 hours exactly as God planned. These are possibly three of the most sinful places on the entire East Coast.

October 29, 2012: 

– Power is out in thousands of New Jersey and Long Island homes and businesses.

– High winds and flooding are expected. God ponders flooding the entire planet, as punishment for America allowing Obama to be elected

– Gov. Romney calls Governors Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie about storm preparation, and prays.

October 30, 2012:

– In response to Romney’s prayers and phone calls, God weakens the storm so that it is downgraded from a Hurricane to a Tropical Storm.


….Thank you, Mitt Romney, for saving the ENTIRE WORLD!!!


And thank God that the media has kept politics out of their coverage of this terrible disaster.

Dumb liberals think human beings are fish

Global Warming Myth

Recently the ultra-left wing fringe communist website Media Matters criticized Fox News for their in-depth debunking of the “Global Warming” myth. The only thing sadder than liberals claiming “Global Warming” is liberals explaining away the PROOF that Global Warming is false.

Daily Mail reporter David Rose completely debunked the myth of Global Warming in every way, and this was covered extensively by the expert incisive reporters on “Fox & Friends”. Of course, this is when the Left Wing Hate Machine unleashes their demon attack dogs from hell to try to defame and drag through the mud anyone and anything that disagrees with their radical socialist agenda!!!111

There are too many things wrong with this Media Matters “hit piece” to even bother going through them all, so we will just focus on one point: the above graph.  According to the slimy Media Matters Article Of Lies,

Another problem with Rose’s analysis is that looking solely at atmospheric temperatures ignores a number of other indicators that global warming is happening… As the graph below shows, the global ocean has been warming considerably during the time that atmospheric temperatures appear to have stalled.

So in other words, supposed “global warming” is going on in the oceans but not in the air.



People aren’t fish. Why do liberals not have any common sense?

Plus, if it’s just in the oceans you can’t really call it “global” warming, can you? It’s just “water warming.” What possible difference could that make?


graph found via:

Cumulative CO2 emissions have a liberal bias!

Biased Emissions Graph

This un-American graph is a perfect example of the kind of sick deception that liberals engage in. Found on some lunatic-fringe, unknown liberal website called “ABC News“, which obviously has no credibility, this graph seems to suggest that when you look at the cumulative CO2 emissions over the last quarter century, the United States is responsible for the largest part of these emissions!

Now, everyone knows that global warming is a myth and that CO2 is a very natural and good substance that God loves. But let’s get one thing straight…

Even if….

Now, remember: global warming is 100% FALSE.

But…. EVEN IF, through some weird freakish impossible turn of events, it turned out that global warming IS happening….

In other words….

EVEN IF, hypothetically, global warming turned out, somehow, against all odds, to be true…

…then it certainty wasn’t AMERICA’S FAULT!  Duh!

In fact, our in-depth research and flawless instincts allow us, here at, to make the following prediction:

If, at some point in the future, Global Warming starts to happen, it will because of all of the communism going on in China, and will not be because of the virtuous liberty and freedom that is emitted in carbon form from U.S. coal plants.

For evidence, we have this chart:

America Rules!

This chart clearly shows that recently, China has been producing emissions at the highest rate in the world.  Therefore, in much the same way that Obama is responsible for the ENTIRE national debt now that he is president, it is only logical that right now China is responsible for ALL emissions-related global warming problems.

I mean… if they existed.

Which they don’t.

Anyway, the point is that you should only pay attention to the second graph, above, because the first one is just filled with liberal bias!!!!!


 Graphs found via: ABCNews Technology Blog

Do liberals actually cause global warming?

Biased Temperature

Liberals have been circulating the above graph to support their false and ridiculous claim that global warming exists.  It seems to show that the average temperature in the United States has been gradually increasing over the last 100 years. Luckily, we have conclusively debunked this myth in our previous articles: Ice has liberal bias! and Temperature has liberal bias!

However, in exploring the data presented in the above graph, our highly skilled investigative and research team has uncovered something even more sinister!

Suppose for a moment that the global warming depicted in the above graph is real. What is causing it? Our researchers were able to uncover extremely secret and hidden data, by using the form on the NOAA website, that demonstrates conclusively that global warming is worse in liberal states than in conservative states!

For example, in radical ultra-liberal Massachusetts, the average annual change in temperature over the last 100 years was 1.9°F:

Liberal Temperature

On the other hand, in good honest conservative Texas, where real Americans live, the average annual change in temperature over the last 100 years was only 0.2°F:

Conservative Temperature

Could it be that being liberal is actually causing global warming?

Is it possible that conservative beliefs are actually protecting conservative states from the wrath of God?

Do these data suggest that all of the complaining about global warming that liberals do is actually making it worse?

It may be impossible to know for sure… but the graphs certainly are compelling!

graph & data source: National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
graph found via:

Corn: tasty treat, or communist plot?

Liberal Corn

Liberal Corn

We should have seen this coming for a long, long time.  The signs were all there.

After all, is it just a coincidence that candy corn is the most commonly distributed candy during Halloween, the heathen socialist holiday? Is it pure chance that the cornucopia was a mythical object that gave out free food to those who don’t deserve it?  Can it really be simply a matter of chance that Cornell is the most elitist, intellectually snobby ivy-league liberal University in upstate New York?

Of course it is, but no matter.

The point is that corn has finally revealed itself to be a part of a wide-spread liberal plot to oppress industry and radically increase government power in America.

How will it do this, you ask?

As you may have guessed, the answer is simple: Global Warming.

Recently, a large number of articles have been coming out describing the fact that if the earth’s temperature rises too much, the price of corn could drastically increase.  Because corn has become such a basic ingredient in all of our foods and drinks, a drastic increase in corn prices could essentially raise the price of all food.


I will explain why. Corn is part of a secret liberal conspiracy to punish companies that are exercising their God-given right to pollute as much as they want to in order to make a profit. There is no other answer for it: corn stalks are secret liberals!!!!

I have added the appropriate thought bubble in the above picture, to illustrate this fact.