Ep 6: Student loan reform is an insult to the power and glory of Capitalism itself

In this episode of “That s**t has liberal bias!” Zach Heltzel talks about student loan reform, and the fact that students like him should welcome crushing debt and skyrocketing college tuition prices because too many people are going to college anyway.

The conservative intellectual argument is really quite simple, and is based on a fundamental understanding and acceptance of free market principles, which is why liberals don’t get it. In capitalism, price is a function of supply and demand. Therefore, if prices are too high, all that means is that too many people are using the product. In a way, high prices can be viewed as a message from the God of Capitalism, saying “People shouldn’t be doing this so much.”

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLDoEsRyPBA

Obama’s sinister and satanic War On Homeschooling

I have received a letter from a young student struggling with an important issue: education.

Dear Pastor Gregory,

I think the Devil is attacking me!! I’m sure you heard about President Obama signing an executive order that caps student loan debt, right? Well I feel like that should make it less terrifying for me to apply at U.C. Irvine! But my parents keep saying Obama just wants to make education more accessible so he can make me into a liberal Democrat :/ IS the Devil scheming with Obama and tricking me to run away from my parents for an education?

I promise I don’t want to party! I don’t even want to kiss and date girls. I just want to go to college like a normal kid. Help me figure this out!! You could even call my parents, just saying.

Thanks man,
Confused Student

Dear Confused Student,

Congratulations on your graduation young man! Our prayers are with you.
Like many of us have said before, Obama is as deceptive and manipulative as the sly serpent of Adam and Eve’s demise. Remember with me that in the beginning, of the Beginning, Sin entered into the world as Adam and Eve were tricked by the sly serpent Satan himself. And sly like a serpent he is, as Obama tries to convince you and other bright minds that public education should be cheap and available to all because then they can indoctrinate you with their liberal agenda. But in reality,

This is The War on Homeschooling!

Socialists like Mr. Obama believe that creating easy access to public education, no matter the quadrillions of dollars in debt it creates, is the best way forward for our society. They are wrong! Education should be done in the home, founded on Biblical principles, without evolutionary lies, and conservative to the core — just like Jesus himself.

My dearest friend and Creation-Scientist Ken Ham commented on this War on Homeschooling saying, “The Obama Administration was endorsing a belief that the upbringing of children really belongs to the government, not to the parents, and that governments have a right to educate children in the way they alone determine.”

Don’t be fooled! Don’t go to college!

Some secularists like Arizona State University professor Lawrence Krauss will blame us for committing “child abuse.” But that’s silly. Christian homeschooling isn’t abuse! Well, except that sometimes it is.

But more importantly, your parents know everything that you need to know. You don’t need all that silly math everyone complains about never using (we have calculators!!!) and you definitely don’t need a biology class where they indoctrinate you with monkey-evolving lies! Son, you just need Jesus! Trust me, most of these “schools” are really just hubs of liberalism forcing you to vote Democrat and practice homosexualism. After all, it’s not like they are some kind of magical place where smart people, hundreds of books and computers, and crowds of young eager minds that mix together to create new wonderful experiences and expose you to activities and perspectives that you could never have imagined possible. Nope – just a bunch of pot smoking and standardizes tests.

If there’s anything your parents don’t know, heck: you clearly don’t need to know it, either… or act like an adult and Google it!

In Jesus’ name,
Pastor Gregory



Conservative millionaire embarassed by high school algebra

Tony Bennett, school superintendent
Tony Bennett, school superintendent
(AP Photo/Michael Conroy, File)

The reality of teaching and evaluating the success of education doesn’t seem to be cooperating with the conservative message in Indianapolis.  Or at least, it’s not cooperating with rich conservatives. Must be that infamous liberal bias.

Here is the whole embarrassing story:

Tony Bennett was the superintendent of schools in Indianapolis, and got quite a reputation for being tough. “We need to hold schools accountable for bad performance!” he would say, which is a standard conservative rallying cry. Bennett implemented an A-F grading system for schools, and the grade that a school received would determine (among other things) how much state funding the school receives.  This is another reason conservatives love it: it’s a great way to take money away from schools that are already struggling. Because why would you help a school that is struggling?


Local Republican rich person, Christel DeHaan, likes to think of herself as caring about education. She cares so much that she actually runs a private school, Christel House. DeHaan also was a very large and influential donor to the school grading project, designed to crack down on all of the bad schools that are out there.

It all started to unravel when Christel House received a grade of C, primarily because the school’s test scores for algebra were so low.

What follows really isn’t Christel DeHann’s fault, although it’s potentially embarrassing for her. It’s actually much more the fault of school superintendent Tony Bennett, who apparently went completely off the rails with this news.

“Anything less than an A for Christel House compromises all of our accountability work!” Bennett wrote in an email, which naturally translates as, “We can’t give a bad grade to the rich person who is actually funding my pet project! I’ll be ruined… ruined!!!!

It should be noted that DeHann has given more than $2.8 million to Republicans since 1998, including $130,000 to Bennett and thousands more to state legislative leaders. So maybe Bennett was right to not want to make his owner angry.

So over the following months, Bennett pressured the grading director, Jon Gubera, on this issue, saying that anything less than an “A” for Christel House was just completely unacceptable, because it might imply that rich people aren’t pefect. Gradually, the formula for grading was revised several times, increasing from 2.9 to a 3.5.  When they discovered that this was still less than an “A”, according to the books, they had a conversation about whether they couldn’t just change the definition of “A”.


Gubera resigned shortly thereafer.

The entire thing, now opened up to the public and being reported by the AP, it’s looking very, very embarrassing for everyone involved.

And it’s all because of high school algebra….. well, and corruption.

Stupid free market prefers elitist liberal snobs. Boo.

Returns on higher education

Returns on higher educationAll good conservatives know that higher education is for snobs, and universities are liberal indoctrination camps. So why is the free market rewarding education so much?

If you listen to conservative talk radio, as God intended, then you surely have heard the message over and over again: nobody needs a college education. College education is pointless and a waste of money.  College is just a place where liberals go to masturbate. Real men get by on muscle and the Bible alone. And so on.

A number of leading conservative politicians have even said that they want to abolish the Department of Education, on the grounds that it is a waste of taxpayer money to educate people when all a person really needs to succeed is hard work, a clever idea or two, and some magical libertarian fairy dust.

But while it’s true that anyone can succeed in America (GO USA!), it’s also true that most people don’t succeed in America (THANKS OBAMA).  A true believer in Conservative Principles knows that when people don’t succeed, it isn’t because of some pansy thing like “education”, it’s just because they are lazy and/or black, and therefore deserve to fail.

Unfortunately, although this Conservative Principle is obviously true, the above graph seems to contradict it.  In fact, according to the above graph, the Free Market in the United States actually rewards people with higher educations at a higher rate of return than almost anywhere else in the world.



Clearly, there is only one possible explanation:

College really is pointless and for liberal snobs, but the above graph simply suffers from some kind of liberal bias!!!!

What other explanation could there possibly be?


graph data source: Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development
graph found via: TaxProf Blog

The definition of liberal bias

In light of recent news, we have decided it is time to take a step back and address the core political issue of our time: what is the definition of liberal bias?

This question has been thrust into the spotlight by last week’s big news story: Zero conservatives selected to deliver 2013 commencement speeches at Ivy Leagues. This, of course, was the most important news event of last week. Moreover, the liberal bias in Ivy League universities provides a perfect case study to examine the bigger picture: the meaning of “liberal bias” in general.

What is a liberal?

First, it is important to define the term “liberal”. For this, we can look at the study of commencement speakers at top Universities done by the Young America’s Foundation (YAF). Of course, in this situation “study” means: they made a list of schools and commencement speakers, and then labelled each speaker as either liberal or conservative based on their own personal opinions.

It is these opinions that we can examine to discover the meaning of the word “liberal”.

Commencement Speaker Ideological Tilts
(click to enlarge)

For example:

Oprah Winfrey, Cory Booker, and Drew Houston are all labelled as “liberal” because they supported Barack Obama for President, and everyone knows that nobody who is moderate or independent has ever supported Barack Obama.

Mayor Bloomberg (party: Independent) is “liberal” because he is “socially liberal”, and everyone knows that the “we should give up the culture war nonsense and focus on taxes and deficits” schtick was, like, so three-years-ago.

Melinda Gates is “liberal”, according to this document, because of “contraceptives”.  The document is not clear as to whether using contraceptives makes one liberal, or believing in contraceptives makes one liberal, or what.  But either way, Melinda Gates is a liberal contraceptive type of gal.

Geoffrey Canada is “liberal” because he likes education, or possibly because he is socially active about liking education. Once again, the document is not totally clear.

So in conclusion: what does it mean to be a liberal?

It means you either support Barack Obama, or you support contraceptives, or you support education.  Especially, one can only assume, if you are socially active about it.


What does this tell us about liberal bias??

Now we know what it means to be liberal. What does it mean to have liberal bias?

Let’s take a look at the very objective and unbiased Fox43 article on the topic, posted last week. In that article, they say this: “YAF spokesman Adam Tragone told Campus Reform on Tuesday the list appears to reveal a larger trend of liberal bias occurring on these campuses.”

From there, they proceed to identify, point by point, several very concrete items of evidence that clearly demonstrate the larger trend of liberal bias:

1) “With all these sex talks at Yale, it seems like conservative values on these campuses are non-existent.”

Talking about sex is an inherent demonstration of liberal bias.  Obviously, if you want your institution of education to be politically unbiased, it must never talk about sex.

2) “96 percent of the faculty and staff at Ivy League schools who contributed to the 2012 presidential race donated to President Obama’s campaign.”

If too many people at a university donate to Barack Obama, then it is a sign that the university itself has liberal bias. Of course, there isn’t any actual evidence that personal financial donations influence the tenor of education at a university, but it feels like it should, doesn’t it?

3) “Of the top 100 universities listed by U.S. News and World Report, 62 chose to select liberal individuals to deliver commencement speeches, compared to 17 conservatives.”

62 is a lot bigger than 17, and that’s just not fair.  Of course, we’re not entirely certain how many conservatives were asked to be speakers at universities, or how many conservatives even wanted to be speakers at these universities. But that’s besides the point.  62 versus 17! Obviously there has to be some kind of bias in there somewhere.


Conclusion: How to be unbiased?

The only way to be totally unbiased is for everything to be 50-50. That’s just objective, mathematical fact.

In order to avoid being liberally biased, a university needs to make sure that it hires exactly 50% faculty who donate to liberal candidates and 50% faculty who donate to conservative candidates.  If it happens that the very best scientists and mathematicians in the world tend to donate to a liberal candidate, then that university should be obligated to hire second-rate mathematicians and scientists in order to fill their quota of conservative faculty members. (I know, that sounds a bit like affirmative action for conservatives; however, you know: shut up.)

In order to avoid being liberally biased, every time a University has a lecture on evolution, they must also have a lecture on creationism.  Every time they have a lecture on how sexism is bad, they must also have a lecture on how sexism is awesome. Every time they have a lecture on linear algebra, they must also have a lecture on how numbers can be whatever God wants them to be and therefore there is no point in learning math.

That’s just fair.

Until that happens, news stories like the one yesterday will always be able to be propped up as “evidence” of liberal bias!!!!


Related Article:   Poll Sampling has Liberal Bias!


Undercover as a college Democrat

Young Democrats Meeting

I went undercover as a college Democrat to see first-hand what goes on in these liberal indoctrination camps, or “universities”. It was a traumatic experience that could have changed me forever.

Last September, the editor of LiberalBias.com contacted me about this assignment. My task was to pretend to be a liberal college student, so that I could pursue a dangerous information-gathering mission: understanding what really goes on in the mind of today’s young progressive.

It was a frightening assignment, but not insurmountable. I admit that at the beginning, I did not understand the mindset of the liberals, who seem to think a normal person would want to do sex things with a butt, which is almost as baffling as the idea that “economics” is some kind of “science” like the “theory” of  “evolution” or “outer space”.

That said, I had faith in my ability to blend in; after all, God cursed me and my family by giving me the ability to tan, a trait not shared by His white middle-eastern son.

My first step was to infiltrate the Young Democrats, a corrupt syndicate of students known for rabble-rousing in the local community, spreading the lies they learn at the state-funded re-education camp they call a school. When I went to their first meeting on the first Friday of October, there were mere weeks left in the 2012 campaign.

The school, which will not be named lest Dictator Obama use it as an excuse to strike me down like Janet Reno did to God’s heroes in Waco, is located in Arizona’s most competitive legislative district on both a local and national level. Even the state and county-wide races were close.  Jeff Flake vs. Richard Carmona for Senate and Joe Arpaio (♥) vs. Paul Penzone for Maricopa County Sheriff, were especially tight, although the state came to its senses and shut down Obama’s army of pinko-commie fascists.

But anyway, I digress.

Young Democrats Meeting
A typical meeting of the Young Democrats student club (artist's representation)

Every Friday the meetings would start the same way. These hoodlums would gather in a science building on the south side of campus. Names of famous liberals, such as Charles Darwin, Galileo Galilei, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, were carved into the building, making it the perfect place for enemies of freedom to congregate.

The President of the club, who from now on I will refer to as Dora the Explorer (she’s one of those Mexicans), would stand in front of the room and conduct the meeting like an informal hippie courtroom. Every member of the club would introduce themselves, stating their name and major, as well as an answer to a silly question, typically stolen straight from the pit of Hell, commonly referred to as Reddit.

After everybody shared laughs about which Fox News host they’d want most to see do a belly-flop, members of the club would make outside announcements about various political action/terrorist organizations they were shilling for. Planned Parenthood, GLSEN, Human Rights Campaign, Urban Outfitters, some really nasty work.

Dora would then make announcements of her own, either about activities that sounded like they were pulled from a church bulletin (by that, I mean they were AWESOME!!!!!!) or about canvassing and phone banking events that all members would be guilt-tripped into participating in at least twice that month.

For those who are not aware, canvassing and phone banking are methods of getting the word out to voters about candidates and where to vote. Canvassing is the act of knocking door to door with flyers, talking to registered voters whose names and addresses are provided on lists. Phone banking is the same concept, but applied to landline telephones. I had no idea what most of the liberals around me were talking about when they said that “people don’t use landlines anymore.” That’s ridiculous. What else would they use? Walkie talkies?

I went to every volunteer event, making sure I was as annoying as I could be to these lousy liberal voters. This was not easy; the more insincere and off-putting I was, the more they were willing to engage with me. I didn’t understand.

Other than President Dora and myself, there was only one other person who participated in every canvass and phone banking session. His nickname, and I’m not kidding, was Boots. I was hanging out with Dora and Boots.

Despite my absolute loathing of these two, I couldn’t help but feel like I was living somebody else’s dream. Of course, in my teen years I preferred the far less ethnic Playhouse Disney to Nick Jr., but I understood the appeal of Dora the Explorer, and I never quite understood why. Now, I finally figured it out. Boots was a conservative! He was secretly the President of the school’s Libertarian club, gathering information to use against the Democrats. I became his Karl Rove and he became my Lee Atwater. It was magical. I’ll never forget my first ti…

Whoops, I went off track again. Probably has something to do with those “juice boxes” that some freshman served me during a game of ping pong ball.

Anyway, the main event at Young Democrats meetings would be when members would air out their grievances with Republicans, naming conservatives that did “bad” things this week.

Common mentions included Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, Rand Paul, and other defenders of freedom who have never done anything wrong and are beloved by everybody who uses the brain in their heart. After being catty, they would point their thumbs at the projector in the room and scream “Boo!”

Despite all that, I found that these college students were, dare I say, not too different from myself. I was even surprised to find that most of them were God-fearing Christians like myself, and were actively involved in their Church.

Some of them were even pro-life, which did not make sense to me. If they were liberals who didn’t want to kill baby Jesus, then what made them liberals at all?

I began to be very confused. When I began this journey, I didn’t understand why liberals thought the way they do. After two months of role-playing as a Young Democrat, I realized that I don’t even know what liberals think!

Are they liberal because they are ethnic? Are they liberal because they care about poor people? Are they liberal because they love sodomy? There seemed to be no one right answer. It’s almost as if liberals are not a homogenized group!

This, I must say, was the most frightening discovery of all–and it also could have been the seed of my undoing. I began to believe that liberals are all complex, unique individuals with a wide variety of beliefs and desires.

Well, luckily I was elected President of the club in December, and was able to dismantle it entirely by January. We can’t have dangerous stuff like that floating around.

Liberalism is dead. I win. America wins.


Liberally biased recession punishes conservatives!

unemployment and education

unemployment and education

This disturbing graph shows that the recession has had a very partisan and unfair liberal bias. Specifically: the more indoctrinated you are by liberal education, the less likely you are to be unemployed.

It’s important to remember the conservative values that the Republican party has championed for the last several years. Universities are nothing more than liberal indoctrination camps. Real conservatives all home-school their children. Anyone who says that children should all have a chance to go to college is being an elitist liberal snob. These are all basic and unquestionable facts.

That is why it is so upsetting to see graphs like the one above. According to the graph above, the more education a person has—and remember that means the more they have been indoctrinated by the Liberal Machine—the less likely a person is to be unemployed!

Even worse: during recessions, layoffs are disproportionately focused on people who have rejected liberal elitist so-called “education”.

Is it possible that people without “educations” have fewer skills and therefore are less valuable in the free market workplace? NO!

That is what liberals want you to believe.

But that would imply that higher education is somehow… good. That clearly contradicts what our Republican leaders have been telling us.

There is only one explanation. The evil liberals who control our government have found a way to manipulate the free market so that they are disproportionately PUNISHING conservatives who refuse to participate in the liberal “education” scam by getting them fired.

Anyone who tells you anything else is clearly just fooled by liberal bias!!!


graph source: Calculated Risk Blog

International Reading Tests have a liberal bias!

Biased Reading Scores

Sometimes you see a graph that just makes you want to say, “Excuse me, graph, but why do you hate America?” That’s what you should think when you see the above graph.

This graph shows the relationship between average reading scores for students (the vertical position) and the average pay of teachers (the horizontal position) and compares different countries.  The reading score is based on something called the “Programme for International Student Assessment” and the teacher pay is shown as a ratio of teacher salaries to the GDP per capita of the country they are in.

If we were to take this graph seriously–and I assure you that THAT is not going to happen–it would suggest that the United States not only pays teachers a lot less than other civilized countries but also our students are a lot more illiterate than those in other countries.  If you were an irrational Godless liberal, you might even think that there could be a causal relationship between these two things.


First of all, why should to trust the reading scores coming from people who don’t even know how to spell the word “program”?

Second of all, more spending on teachers means more socialism, which is why Korea is doing so well. You don’t want to give up your liberty for a stupid thing like literacy, do you? I thought not.

Finally, who cares if sissy countries like Finland have kids who can read? I bet we could beat them up. So there.

Clearly, this graph is just one more source of anti-American propaganda and liberal bias!!!!


Graph Data Source: OECD Analysis
Graph Found Via: TheAtlantic.com



Data proves Republicans are more in touch

Liberal Infographic

Just look at the blatant disgusting liberal bias in the title of the above graph: “The Dumbing Down of Congress.”

According to a recent study by the ultra-left wing communist organization “The Sunlight Foundation,”  it seems that not only has the “grade level” of speeches given by congress members decreased in recent years, but Republicans also seem to have a lower “grade level” than Democrats do.  If you buy into the radical, left-wing implications of the title, this means that congress is “dumbing down” and that Republicans are dumber (or at least, their speeches are) than Democrats.


First of all, “Dumbing” isn’t even a word.  Get a brain, morans.

Second of all, notice one important detail that the infographic fails to highlight:

Democrats speak at a 10.8 grade level
Republicans speak at a 10.4 grade level
The Average American speaks at between an 8 and 9 grade level!

In other words, Republican are closer to the Average American than Democrats are! In other words, Republicans are more in touch with the people. In other words, America is obviously a conservative country.

According to an interesting graph that can be found as part of the deeper analysis of the study, the lowest grade levels can be found among the most extremely conservative members of congress:

By Party and Seniority

This make the case even more obvious: the more extremely conservative the politician is, the more he is similar to the Average American.

THERE IS ONLY ONE CONCLUSION:  The only way to make this country a true Democracy that represents the Average American, therefore, is to only vote for the most extreme conservatives possible.

Anything else is just liberal bias!!!

graph source: Sunlight Foundation


College education causes homosexual desire

Biased College EducationsLiberals deliberately misinterpret this map to advance their liberal agenda.

This graph shows that the counties that voted against Amendment One, the amendment to protect marriage from homosexuals, were also the counties in which more people had college educations.

If you ask a liberal what this graph means, they will concoct some kind of crazy theory, like this: going to college teaches people to use logic and reason, people who use logic and reason understand that there is no rational argument against gay marriage, and as a result people who went to college support gay marriage.

Or, they will invent some irrational fantasy explanation, like this: people who go to college are exposed to more diversity, people who are exposed to diversity become more empathic and understanding of social differences, and therefore people who went to college are more sympathetic to gay people and want to let them get married.

These are the arguments of a deranged, illogical liberal mind.

First of all, who decided that “diversity” and “open-mindedness” were good things, anyway? That sounds like the kind of thing they would indoctrinate people to believe in some kind of cult. When a liberal says that “open-mindedness” is a good thing, you should just say: “Is that what your liberal college professor overlords have indoctrinated you to think?”

Think about it this way: open-mindedness means a lack of conviction, and a lack of conviction comes from a lack of morals, and a lack of morals is what causes society to collapse. In other words, open-mindedness is what causes society to collapse.

Second of all, what is so “rational” about thinking that marriage between a man and a man should be viewed the same as a marriage between a man and a woman? That’s like saying that because women can give birth a man should be able to give birth, too. THAT’S RIGHT THE ARGUMENTS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME.  And ridiculous. There is nothing logical about men giving birth.

If you are thinking with a clear and untainted mind, as I am, the obvious true explanation of this map is very simple and very logical: when students go to college they are put into to top-secret liberal indoctrination camps where they are taught to be homosexual and to desire gay marriage.

I mean think about it. What else could it be?


Are STD’s a liberal germ warfare plot?

Liberal Germ Warfare

Liberal Germ Warfare

Conservatives are very responsible about teaching abstinence while liberals teach underage children to have sex whenever they want.

Yet somehow, incidents of sexually transmitted diseases are greater in conservative areas of the U.S. (south and midwest) than in the liberal areas.


Could it be that the liberals have trained the germs to attack conservatives???

This is quite a disturbing development. Why is this not being covered more in the media?

source: graph by Graphing Youth Sex Habits using data from CDC.gov

The private sector has a liberal bias!

Private Sector Liberal Bias

Everyone knows that higher education is over-run by liberals. Yet somehow, the private sector pays people who have advanced degrees WAY more than people who don’t. The private sector actually rewards people for having left-wing college and graduate degrees even more than the public sector does!

This is clear evidence that the private sector has a liberal bias!!!

Source: Current Population Survey-IPUMS, 2010
Via:  Mother Jones Magazine