10 reasons conservatives CANNOT believe in the Big Bang Theory

God versus Big Bang Theory of the origin of the universe has receive supporting evidence recently

God versus Big Bang Theory of the origin of the universe has receive supporting evidence recently

Once again, science has found even more evidence for the “Big Bang Theory” of the origins of the universe. This whole “evidence” situation has gotten so bad that plenty of conservatives are ready to give up on their deeply-held beliefs. “So what if the universe is billions of years old?” they say. “After all, I can still believe that God  was the one who created the Big Bang in the first place, right?”

WRONG!!!!!!!

This kind of thinking completely ignores the stark realities of the political world we live in today. To understand the conservative position on the origin of the universe, you have to understand conservative psychology.

To that end, here are 10 good reasons why no real conservative can ever, ever, EVER accept the Big Bang theory of the creation of the universe:

1. If you admit the universe is old, THE OTHER SIDE WINS

And they will gloat. And they will rub it in your face. You don’t want that, do you?

2. If you admit the universe is old, YOU ARE BETRAYING YOUR OWN KIND

Plenty of Republican politicians have gotten up in front of people and said they don’t believe in the Big Bang. If you suddenly say that you are a conservative, and you do believe in the Big Bang… well, they’ll just feel stupid, won’t they? These are good people, with honest hearts. Why would you do that to them? Huh? Why?

3. If God meant us to believe in things like “background radiation” and “quarks”, they would be in the Bible

The Hebrew word for “quark” is קווארק and it doesn’t appear anywhere in Genesis. Genesis mentions everything that is important: animals, plants, people, sea monsters, and so on. Obviously, these “quark” things that physicists talk about are not important.

4. God would never do that

It’s pretty clear that God’s entire focus is just on human beings and nothing else, and creating a big universe that existed for billions of years just makes no sense. What a waste of time.

5. If the Big Bang theory might be right, then THE LIBERALS WIN

We can’t allow them to be right about ANYTHING. At all. Don’t you understand????

6. The Big Bang theory is just a trick to get people to believe in evolution

We can’t allow people to believe the Big Bang theory, because it’s a slippery slope. If they believe the Big Bang theory, next they might believe evolution. If they believe evolution, it automatically follows that all morality is relative and people can marry squid and mass murder may as well be acceptable DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THAT HELL HOLE????

7. The Big Bang theory is just a tool to make you feel less special

According to the Big Bang theory, you’re not special. But that is mean, why would anyone tell you that you’re not special??? You ARE SPECIAL. And you deserve to feel special. See? I told you the Big Bang theory was wrong.

8. If you admit that religious people might be wrong about the age of the earth, you are BETRAYING YOUR RELIGION.

Think of all of those nice people at church. These are people you spend Sundays with, and trade baked goods with. They are nice people, who care about you. They are sweet and generous. Why would you BETRAY THEM by saying that the earth is more than 6,000 years old? Why would you do such a thing? WHY?

9. Barack Obama believes in the Big Bang theory

Actually, he’s never said that publicly. But he just looks like the kind of person who does. You don’t want to agree with Barack Obama about anything. People might think you’re a socialist. Or a demon. Or pervert. Or a socialist demon-pervert.

10. If the Big Bang theory is right, THE OTHER SIDE WINS

Did you not get the memo? It’s us against them. You HAVE to believe that the universe is 6,000 years old. You have to, because that’s what our side believes. If you believe something different, it’s like you are rooting for the other team to win. And they are bad people. They believe in murdering fetuses and sodomizing each other. You don’t want people like THAT to win, do you? DO YOU?????

 


 

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God speaks through Ham to make a prophecy for 2016.

The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution
The United States Constitution, as it should have been written.

In a TV aired debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, the secular lies of science were utterly demolished by the truths of God’s Word. God spoke through Ham to prove the Earth is 6,000 years old, that Adam and Eve road around on dinosaurs, and that human beings were the cause for everything evil in the Universe.

But God also had a greater plan: God was using this debate to establish Ken Ham’s 2016 presidential campaign!

If you can read between the lines, like I can, you will see that Ken Ham was not just obliterating the mythical secular scientism of Bill Nye…. He was actually proposing legislative policy! He was basically giving his first State of the Union address. Consider these three quotes:

“God invented marriage. By the way. That’s where marriage comes from and it’s to be a man and a woman.”

“Get rid of old people, I mean why not? They’re just animals and they’re costing us a lot of money. Abortion. Get rid of spare cats and spare kids, we’re all animals.”

“It’s the Creationists that should be educating the kids out there. Because we’re teaching them the right way to think.”

God was clearly using the power of His Holy Spirit to penetrate the head of Ham, forcing him to speak in a trance like state, and articulate the perfect Republican campaign platform… even if it did consist mainly of unconnected sentence fragments.

With nearly a one million YouTube views already, this easily-won-debate has stirred the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere. How can we interpret the popularity of this video, except to think that Ham was a complete success? And, God willing, he will be the next Republican President! Ken Ham 2016!

Dinosaur sex has a liberal bias!

Buttsex killed the dinosaurs

Recently the liberal-leaning news source, National Public Radio (NPR), published an article by Robert Krulwhich in which he discusses the inability for scientists to figure out how dinosaurs mated. This is a basic question that should easily be answered by scientists, but nonetheless they are unable to answer or even fabricate another wild theory (like “the Big Bang” or “global warming”) to give the illusion of an explanation.

Doesn’t this prove that dinosaurs are just a vast left-wing conspiracy?

These scientists want us to believe that the planet is 130 million years old and was populated by dinosaurs for thousands of years, but have no way of proving or even comprehending how these massive beasts were able to procreate. It is laughable.

As we know from the God-breathed Biblical perspective, procreation is a central purpose of life.

Well, the most central purpose is glorifying God. But in order to do this, we as humans are commanded by God to populate the Earth with other people and to dominate over the animals, land, and other life forms (Genesis 1:29-31).

If we follow this elementary logic we would begin to see very quickly that if these so-called brilliantly educated scientists cannot prove Dinosaurs were physically capable of producing more offspring, there is no reason to believe that they existed at all.

Why would the scientists weave this tall tale about dinosaurs and yet admit that they could not procreate? Is it a sinister way to fuse together the evolutionist agenda with the gay agenda? (Since gays also cannot procreate.)

We may never know the answer to this serious question.

Buttsex killed the dinosaurs

What Truth should Christians believe instead?

As a Biblical Christian, I think it is imperative to understand the world as God has told us it came into existence:

  1. God spoke the stars and Earth into existence by breathing out the complexity of life itself.
  2. God created two people, Adam and Eve, who were able to procreate and filled the entire Earth with billions of people using great, heterosexual, monogamous sex.
  3. But before this was possible, God banished them from a beautiful nudist garden of delight because they, tempted by a talking snake, ate the wrong fruit.
  4. The God of the Universe wasn’t willing to accept the gross rebellion of food choice. A perfect God cannot accept an apple-eating heathen.
  5. The garden was blocked off by two flaming swords that hid the wonders of the nudist-garden.

Now THAT makes much more sense than some weird fairy-story about sterile homo-sexing giant lizards.

 

RELATED ARTICLE: Australian rock art has liberal bias (+ gay animal butt sex)!

This flying squirrel has a liberal bias!

Liberal Flying Squirrel

Liberal Flying Squirrel

“Flying squirrels are hippies, have a well-known liberal bias and are part of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy,” writes Darrell B. Nelson, at Project Savior. We think this is an important and often-overlooked point.

His argument is based on the issue of evolution theory. Over the years, conservatives have mustered a number of stock arguments against evolution, that they can turn out in any conversation at a moment’s notice. Most of these are well-known, for example: “Star fish haven’t changed in billions of years therefore evolution must be completely wrong” or “If everything is evolving why don’t chimps make sassy Broadway musicals yet?”

One of the more fancy arguments against evolution is based on an idea called “irreducible complexity” and goes like this. Evolution happens slowly, in baby-steps.  There are some features that are enormously complex, and if they are only partially-made they won’t work at all. For example, a wing is a very complex thing. Evolution is gradual, so it can’t make an entire complex wing out of nothing in one generation.

But how could evolution ever get to a whole, complex wing if it goes gradually in “baby-steps”? There is no use to half-made wing! Therefore, evolution would never be able to get around to making a full wing… unless there was something intelligent guiding it!!

That argument has been used over and over again by creationists trying to defend conservative principles against the immoral liberalism of evolution.

But there is a problem: flying squirrels.

Flying squirrels have legs with a simple flap of skin that allows them to glide through the air as they jump from tree to tree. They basically have a “half wing”: a very simple thing that is like a partially formed wing. But it is not useless.  It helps them jump farther and faster, both to get food and get away from predators.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STUPID SQUIRRELS?

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO BELIEVING IN EVOLUTION?

The only conclusion is the flying squirrels must be liberals. We have added the appropriate speech bubble in the above picture to signify this fact.

 

Liberals from outer space?

Liberal Aliens

Liberal Aliens

According to the lunatic fringe left-wing Atheist gay-promoting media outlet, The Guardian, some Japanese scientists looking through a telescope in Hawaii found a galaxy that is 12.9 billion light-years away, and is therefore the “oldest galaxy” observed because supposedly if it is that far away then the light that we are seeing must have left that galaxy 12.9 billion years ago. Thus, they have given the article the title: “Oldest galaxy discovered using Hawaii telescope.”

Now, if you are a good conservative, I know what your first reactions to this will be. The universe is only 6,000 years old, so the conclusions of the article cannot be correct.  In fact, their entire argument is riddled with logical flaws. For example:

  1. Japanese scientists? These foreigners cannot be trusted. P.S. remember Pearl Harbor?
  2. A telescope in Hawaii? The place where Barack Hussein Obama is supposedly from? Clearly this data has been faked.
  3. 12.9 billion light years? Science can’t possibly measure a number that big. There must be a flaw in the theory.
  4. How do we know light always travels at the same speed? Maybe the light has been traveling for only 6,000 years, and it just goes faster most of the time and gets really slow when it comes closer to earth, probably because of the influence of Satan?

All of these are very logical, and you are right to think of them!

However, I sense a deeper problem!!!!!

It is also possible that this galaxy is actually itself a liberal!!!!!  It is therefore deliberately trying to trick Human Scientists into believing that the universe is older than it really is!

We cannot turn a blind eye to the possibility of alien, outer-space liberals. It is the kind of thing that could infect our planet and destroy us exactly because so many people brush it off as silly. Remember: Did anyone expect 9/11? NO!  And they aren’t expecting this, either.

We will be sure to keep you updated about the danger of liberal distant galaxies in outer space. In the mean time, I have added the appropriate speech bubble to the above picture to remind you of this warning.

original article: The Guardian

 

Addendum: it is noticeable that FoxNews.com does not contain an article about this!  They must be feeling guilty and repentant after their previous gaffe in reporting left-wing propaganda, which we reported on last week.