Inverted Corporation People are the luckiest people in the world!

TDE Inverted Corporations Are The Most Awesome People In The World

As a people, corporations have never had it so good! Profits are at record highs. Corporate taxes are at record lows. Thanks to Citizens United, it’s easier than ever to buy as many politicians as judges as you want. People who are corporations are doing great in the United States. And guess what? The United States will treat you even better, as a corporate person, if you renounce your American citizenship!

That right: it’s called corporate tax inversion. If you become an Inverted Corporation Person–by becoming a citizen of Paraguay, for example–life is so much easier than it is for a mere human person. You get to f**k Uncle Sam as hard and as often as you want, and, as Forbes points out, you also f**k the whole US economy too. Best of all, Republicans and Fox News cheer you all the way. (Please note: If you’re a non-corporate person from Paraguay, don’t expect the same warm welcome from the GOP and Fox as they give a corporate person.)

Things, however, are not so good for non-corporate persons, also known as humans.

In this case, if you’re not a citizen, Republicans won’t applaud you, they’ll vote to deport you. If you’re an American woman, please don’t start roaring until you’ve discussed your sex life and your choice of your birth control with your boss. If you’re gay, don’t be surprised if you’re refused service in certain non-religious, profit-making establishments (but only for loving, religious reasons, NEVER because of hateful bigotry). If you’re in Detroit, and behind in your water payments, expect your water to be shut off (unless you’re a corporation that owes tens of thousands, that is… because water is still a human right for corporations.) And if you’re black in certain localities, you might have a hard time being treated as a human at all.

This November, corporations and humans will again battle for control of the House and Senate. Vote if you like. Alternatively, you could always try to incorporate yourself and register as a Cayman Islands entity.

THREE FACTS that prove corporations matter more than you do

Corporations are not only people, they are GREAT people. They are AWESOME people. They contribute to society in a positive way, unlike poor people and Democrats. Conservatives shouldn’t shy away from this basic fact. It’s a core part of conservative ideology, and there is nothing wrong with it: corporations matter, people who are not corporations…. not so much.

In celebration of the awesomeness of corporate persons, we present to you three¬† special examples that demonstrate the fact that corporations aren’t just people…. they are a higher quality of person than you are.

Corporations matter more than you

Example #1: When a corporation kills an employee by deliberately not following safety guidelines, it’s a misdemeanor. When an employee embezzles money from a company, it’s a felony.

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Example #2: The maximum penalty for an individual using insider trading to steal from a corporation is $5 million and 20 years in prison. The maximum penalty for a corporation allowing safety violations that seriously endanger the lives of its employees: $7,000.

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Example #3: The minimum penalty for a person who fails to obey a cease-and-desist order issued by a corporation: 6 months in prison. The minimum penalty for a corporation that kills an employee through negligence: nothing… OSHA does not require any minimum penalties.

 

BOTH SIDES ARE THE SAME… and we have proof!

If there is one thing that corporate media and conservative talk radio agree on, it’s that both Democrats and Republicans are terrible and evil and exactly the same.

For weeks, conservative talk radio stars, most vocally Sean Hannity, have been repeatedly¬† beating the drums about how all of the problems we face today are because both the Republican Party and the Democratic Party are the same, and that’s why (for Hannity) real conservatives have to take back the party, and follow the likes of Ted Cruz, and wrest power away from the “establishment Republicans” who are, Hannity notes, not nearly conservative enough.

By contrast, some article at some liberal website has tried to declare that both sides are NOT the same, and paint a picture that the Republicans are somehow behaving more badly than Democrats are!

That’s ridiculous. Both sides ARE the same! And if you want proof, all you need is to remember a little history…

 


 

Remember Democratic Senator Russ Feingold threatened to SHUT DOWN THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT if Congress didn’t pass a law to overturn the Citizens United Supreme Court decision? Democrats hated that decision, just as much as Republicans hate Obamacare. Surely you remember the Democrats threatening to shut down the government over this, right?

Feingold shuts down the government, because both sides are the same

Remember when President Obama threatened to veto the increase in the debt limit and throw the entire economy into a tailspin unless Congress passed his 10-point gun control legislation plan? Democrats hate guns just as much as Republicans hate foodstamps, so since both sides are the same, surely you remember this happening, as well!

Obama threatens to veto the debt limit increase, because both sides are the same

Finally, remember when Harry Reid threatened to never pass any bill through the Senate, ever ever EVER, unless Congress immediately reinstates a new Voting Rights Act? Democrats absolutely hated it when the Voting Rights Act was struck down by the Supreme Court, just as much as Republicans hated it when Obamacare was upheld by the Supreme Court. Since both sides are the same, I’m sure you remember Harry Reid threatening to go ballistic and hold up any and all lawmaking until he got his way.

Harry Reid grinds capitol hill to a halt, because both sides are the same.

 

 

It’s obvious now, isn’t it? #BothSidesAreTheSame