This year, the Republican platform has been filled with uplifting conservative social messages about banning abortions, preventing the wrong people from getting married, and making sure that schools don’t force our children to ask to many questions. This theme was beautifully articulated at the 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida, where the speakers were virtuous, inspiring, uplifting, and passionate. At least, that’s what the the people on Fox News keep telling us.
But I have some bad news for them.
If the Republican National Convention represents the future of the Republican party, then the future of the Republican Party is going to be filled with lots and lots of HOT GAY SEX.
That’s right! Apparently, there are some members of the GOP who are ready to pull up the anti-gay planks in the GOP platform and use them as paddles in their S&M sex games.
Grindr is a tool that gay people use to meet other gay people so that they can do dirty, filthy, homosexualist things to each other. No good, Christian, family-values conservative would ever be familiar with such a thing, right? Yet somehow, this graph shows that Grindr usage DOUBLED during the GOP convention.
What’s wrong with you stupid graph? Why are you making Republicans look like godless sluts???
Naturally, many theories are possible.
Some people might say that God is sending homosexuals to the convention to punish the GOP for not fully embracing the free market ideals of Ron Paul. Obviously, this argument has some merit.
Other people might say that the GOP’s anti-woman, anti-sex, anti-gay positions are just the kind of thing that closeted, self-hating gay people would gravitate to, while simultaneously acting out their repressed urges using Grindr. This seems slightly less plausible.
Still others might say, “Isn’t it possible that gay people come in all kinds of varieties, including both Republican and Democrat, and we shouldn’t read in to the fact that there are gay people at a GOP convention?” This, clearly, is total nonsense.
The most likely explanation is that a top-secret underground super-powerful group of homosexual activists has infiltrated the Republican National Convention and have decided to use Grindr to have lots and lots and lots of hot filthy sweaty man-sex just to make conservatives look ridiculous.
It’s the obvious explanation.
Or, it could be that they were just turned gay by Chick-Fil-A.
Either way, it’s important that the world know that the Republican National Convention, behind closed doors and with the lights turned off, is engaging in lots of dirty, hard, nasty, sinful liberal bias!!!!!
data source: Grindr