Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters

Chris Christie’s recent political maneuverings concerning Ebola definitely prove he is running for president.  His attitude of “I’m gonna just quarantine every little shit that comes from Africa whether they have symptoms or not” is a perfect reflection of both Republican foreign policy and health ideology, and the presidential persona that Chris Christie in particular has been cultivating for years.

Essentially, he is saying this: If you went to Africa you don’t deserve to have rights, because real Americans don’t go to dirty foreign places.  That’s implied. And it’s such a great message, we think it should be part of his 2016 Presidential Campaign.

Is Chris Christie running for president in 2016

But this got us thinking: we really should be starting to churn out the Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters now. Why wait? We know he’s running. So we looked back over the last few years to find stories that have linked Chris Christie to the 2016 presidential race, and we have selected a few as the bases of some potential campaign posters.

For example, there is the ongoing story that Chris Christie has been trying to lose weight in preparation for the election. That should definitely be part of the campaign.

Chris Christie presidential campaign poster

Then there’s his little speech about winning, in which he said: “We are not a debating society… See I’m in this business to win … I’m in it to win. I think that we have some folks who believe that our job is to be college professors. … Being a college professor is — they basically spout out ideas but nobody ever does anything about them. For our ideas to matter we have to win.”  That should definitely be made into a campaign slogan of some kind.

Chris Christie is not an explainer.

So what do you think? What are some other great Chris Christie moments from the last few years that should be made into campaign poster slogans?  Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter!


Liberal bias at the Oscars is deeper than you thought

The Wolf of Wallstreet is just one of ALL of the movies with liberal propaganda at the Oscars!
The Wolf of Wallstreet is just one of ALL of the movies with liberal propaganda at the Oscars!
The Wolf of Wall Street is just one of ALL of the movies with liberal propaganda at the Oscars!

Hollywood is the propaganda arm of the Obama administration and the Democrat party. To most people, this is obvious. After all, most actors are French and gay, and the popular movies are all just propaganda to turn you into a pot-smoking gay person as well.

However, the liberal bias in this year’s Oscars is even deeper than most people have ever suspected! After performing an in-depth analysis, looking specifically for liberal bias in movies nominated for Oscars, you will be shocked to find out what I uncovered.

American Hustle

First of all, only infants who require them for sustenance should be able to see that much sideboob.

Secondly, how can it possibly be a coincidence that right around the time Chris Christie, a beloved New Jersey politician, has his ethics called into question by the liberal corporate media, a movie comes out where Carmine Polito, a beloved New Jersey politician, has his ethics called into question and ends up in prison?

It’s obvious that the corporate media waited to reveal what Chris Christie would have done if he did it so they could release an allegorical film about it and nominate it for ten Oscars.

Captain Phillips

You’re probably thinking “Hey, there’s no way a movie about the United States military laying the smackdown on some African-American thugs can be liberal propaganda!”

(You might also be thinking the movie is about Somali pirates hijacking a Navy ship, so by definition they are in no way African-Americans and my characterization of them as such is incredibly racist. Well you’re right! About the first part, I mean.)

The source of the film’s liberal bias is evident in what it was nominated for. Tom Hanks, who played the good guy in the movie, was not nominated. Barkhad Abdi, the film’s antagonist, was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Why would they do that, unless we are supposed to root for the pirates?

It’s the same as when the Academy nominated Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight; it was because the Joker was the character we were supposed to root for. And why not? The Joker represents a true American patriot taking his country back from big government Batman.

Dallas Buyers Club

The first minutes of Dallas Buyers Club are amazing. FINALLY, after years of Matthew McConaughey languishing in mediocre girl movies, he’s back in full force playing a red-blooded real American. He wears cowboy hats, rides bulls, and drinks beer…until he gets HIV and all of a sudden he does the one thing no real conservative would ever do!

His character fundamentally changes as a person, going from a selfish homophobe to a tolerant, empathetic activist who befriends a transgendered person and ends up helping hundreds of people with AIDS in Dallas, Texas.

What a shame.


There is one thing Gravity does right: it shows that being a single mother is immoral, because Sandra Bullock’s character, Dr. Ryan Stone, was a single mother and her daughter died. Would her daughter have died if Stone were not a strong independent woman who did not need a man? Who knows? But probably not.

Where Gravity falls into the orbit of liberal propaganda is when America, the only country to ever actually go to space (look it up), is unable to do anything to help Sandra Bullock. Who ends up providing help to her in her journey back to Earth from seeming inescapable peril in the infinite void of space? China! Yes, China! The people who own 100% of our debt and apparently wrote 100% of this movie.


If there is anything we have learned from history, it is that progressive causes always fail. It is abundantly clear that in the near future, people will respect the sanctity of marriage and the virtues of not having pre-marital sex. Yet in this movie, the opposite seems to be true.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) falls in love with his computer named Samantha (Scarlett Johansson), and they have sex! Yes, sex! Kind of. I’m not married so I assume that whatever they did was sex. How am I supposed to know?

This suggests that Spike Jonze sees the future as a place where 1. gay marriage is an accepted norm and 2. because of this, now people can marry their dog, their sister, and yes, even their computer. Clearly that’s not going to happen…but we all know it is the liberals’ wet dream!


How dare Alexander Payne make a movie in black and white only to name it after an American state? Everybody knows that black and white movies are for French people. We watch our movies in color!


I actually have not seen Philomena because it is a British movie and I am an American. I did accidentally see the trailer during a screening of Grown Ups 2 a few months back so I think I know enough to write about it. In the trailer, we learn that the title character, played by Dame “Judi” Dench, had a baby but the unfairly villianized Catholic Church made her give the baby away.

Fifty years later, her EUROPEAN baby becomes an AMERICAN congressman…who is a Republican! Other than the very Canadian and very secretly liberal Ted Cruz, all Republicans are American. How dare they suggest otherwise.

12 Years a Slave

Film critic Armond White took to Fox News to explain why 12 Years a Slave is liberal propaganda a few days ago. I was going to just embed video of him talking about the movie, and then I asked myself…what show did he go on to do this?

The answer: the liberal propaganda show Red Eye! True to form, Armond White said that this movie is liberal propaganda because it fits the liberal narrative that racism is over.

WHAT? Racism IS over. Just ask the Republican National Committee..

This proves that Armond White’s assertion that 12 Years a Slave is liberal propaganda is meant to distract everyone from the fact that it actually is liberal propaganda!

Wheels within wheels, people!

The Wolf of Wall Street

When I first saw this movie, I thought that it was the best representation of the greatness of capitalism since Atlas Shrugged. Jordan Belfort and people like him are heroes who, in doing what was best for them, ultimately did what was best for everyone.

It’s a shame that big government had to tear them down, resulting in the big economic collapse in 2008. It seemed like there was no way the Academy would ever honor a film that presented capitalism in such a positive light, until they did…

Director Martin Scorsese and star Leonardo DiCaprio have explained time and time again that apparently my view of the film is entirely inaccurate. La la la la la la la la la, I can’t hear them over the sound of how glorious the raping and pillaging of the American middle class was for freedom and liberty.

So there you have it… all of the liberal bias I was able to find by looking really, really hard for it. That’s the amazing thing about liberal bias… the more you look for it, the more you can find it in everything!

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Excerpt From Chris Christie’s “If I Did It”

You would have to be living under a rock to not have heard about New Jersey governor Chris Christie’s recent controversy. It really should not be a controversy at all; the liberal media has just found a way to hate Gov. Christie for the exact reason we true American patriots love him so much.

Since when is it bad to use your power to get your way… even if that means closing down part of the busiest bridge in the country for no reason other than to create problems for a Democratic mayor that refused to endorse you? Sure, it creates economic damage and even put lives in danger, but so what?

Besides…he says he wasn’t even responsible for any of it. But…


Based on a tip by Twitter user @OhNoSheTwitnt, we did some digging and found that Chris Christie has actually written a book regarding the scandal where he claims he did not actually make the orders that resulted in members of his inner circle wantonly obstructing traffic in an act of pettiness, but does detail how he would have done it if he did. Here is an excerpt you won’t find anywhere but

I creeked open the door and gracefully entered the room, the blueprints of the George Washington Bridge illuminated by the flourescent lights overhead. At least, I’d assume that the blueprints would be illuminated by the flourescent lights. Having never held blueprints of the George Washington bridge, and certainly not with the intention of closing it for no reason, obviously I wouldn’t know.

The air smelled of salty garbage, a scent I remembered from the last time I was in Fort Lee. Picturing the mayor standing on stage with my opponent, I really wanted their political careers in my hands. Or at least I would if I was really bitter at him. Which I’m not.

The first lane I closed was powered by my awful rage, my mind clouded over and my employees placed signs on the road, feeling nothing but the power of my own hate and the intensity of the traffic cones.

Or, er, I’d imagine that’d be what I’d probably feel. Couldn’t say for sure. Never tried it. Now, if you asked me about combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, I could tell you about that. I like combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Like the Cheesy Gordita Crunch with cheesy bread. But not closing heavily trafficked bridges. Never got around to closing heavily trafficked bridges. You see, this book is all hypothetical, which is when you pretend you didn’t do something, not that I need to pretend, because I didn’t do it. My staff did it independently of me.

Or did they?

Nope. No, I’d remember that. This is definitely all pretend.

Anyway, cars were piled up for blocks instantly when the cones came down; I heard cars honk, a piercing sound eventually drowned out by that of sirens from ambulances that could not move through the gridlock. I felt a tinge of remorse; or, anyways, I would have, had I been an unprincipled bully who only cares about his own self-aggrandizement, which of course I am not. Why would I do that? I wouldn’t. You’re silly to think that I did. I mean, would.

The book has no release date but it absolutely exists. I promise.

"If I Did It" by Chris Christie

The Tea Party Cat explains the 2012 election aftermath

Tea Party Cat

Tea Party Cat

In this exclusive interview for, Greg Stevens gets the Tea Party Cat to cut through political gaffes, backpedaling and misstatements to find out what our great conservative leaders will really be thinking after the 2012 election.

Greg Stevens [GS]:  One of your great talents as a powerful voice on the Right is your ability to state, in simple terms that everyone can understand, what our leaders are really thinking. We all know that people misspeak, and sometimes get quoted out of context. But even when politicians don’t quite say what they should, you have a talent for being able to decipher what they really mean.

Paul Ryan.Donald Duck

So if I can get your wisdom and insight on the record, exclusively for us here at, I would like us to take a look into the future at what our political leaders will really be thinking the day after the election. What do you say?

Tea Party Cat [TPC]: Well, as you know, for conservatives there are only two futures: apocalyptic futures where America is destroyed by 39% marginal tax rates on the rich, and bright futures where heroic (male) leaders restore America to its rightful place as absolute ruler of the world and impose fundamentalist Christianity and democracy on the world at the end of a tank barrel.

GS: That sounds right… so let’s start by imagining the worst case scenario: Obama has been re-elected.

TPC: That would be a real tragedy. The Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson have invested a billion dollars in this election, and to have it stolen by voters would be horrible. If this happens, then it might deter billionaires from trying to buy future elections, which would mean even more control over our government by the moochers.

GS: If we could get him to admit it bluntly, what is Mitt Romney really thinking?

TPC: “Oh, well. Good thing we did this on the Koch and Adelson money instead of mine. And besides we skimmed plenty off the top from the SuperPACs for ‘management fees’, so it’s really no different than KB Toys.”

GS: And what is Paul Ryan really thinking?

TPC: “Good thing I stayed on the ballot for my congressional seat. Plus now I can write a book like Palin did and finally cash in on this.”

GS: And Barack Obama?

TPC: Well, that’s going to be more of a conversation like this:

Obama: “Bill, thanks for all your help in this campaign. What can I do to repay you?”
Bill Clinton: “Barack, you know what I want.”
Obama: “OK, I’ll hire back the Secret Service team that got caught with prostitutes in Colombia and assign them to your detail.”
Bill Clinton: “And?”
Obama: “And I’ll keep Hillary out of the country as much as possible.”

GS: And Sarah Palin?

TPC: “Don’t blame me. I backed Newt.”

GS: Newt Gingrich?

TPC: “Hello, Sheldon [Adelson]? So, 2016? I won’t be too old. We both know you can’t trust that Christie guy to toe the line, and Ryan is damaged goods now.”

GS: And what are the Koch brothers thinking?

TPC: “Well, we still own Paul and Scott and Reince in Wisconsin, all of Kansas, Arkansas, and have plenty of others in our pocket. We can still buy 2014 and 2016.”

GS: Reince Priebus?

TPC: “Oh, well, we’ll just have to suppress more votes next time!”

GS: Rick Santorum?

TPC: “I told you Romney couldn’t beat Obama.”

GS: Karl Rove?

TPC: “Oh, thank God! I oversold the election, so it’s a good thing Mitt lost because too many billionaires would expect something.”

GS: Scalia?

TPC: “Mitt lost? Are you sure, Florida? I even got my ‘Bush v Gore pen’ back from the Smithsonian.”

GS: Rick Perry?

TPC: “I knew I should’ve run for president this year. I could’ve won this thing.”

GS: Chris Christie?

TPC: “Hey, Mitt! Sorry you lost. No, not really. I never really liked you or your whole no swearing act, and now it’s wide open for me in 2016. Don’t worry, I won’t be inviting you to the convention—you can sit home with W.”

GS: And finally…. Fox & Friends?

TPC: “Let’s call Trump and see if he thinks the election was stolen too!”

GS: Very impressive! Now, let’s imagine again, but this time it is the day after the election, and the angels have smiled upon our nation and blessed us with a Mitt Romney victory.

NOW, what is the quote from Mitt Romney?

TPC: “I hope all this crazy shit we’ve been saying works, because Paul and Grover are making me go through with this.”

Though at some point you know Romney is going to notice what the job pays, and I can’t see him sticking around for a measly $400,000 a year.

GS: From Paul Ryan?

TPC: “Oh, thank God I don’t have to go on Dancing With The Stars now.”

GS: From Barack Obama?

TPC: “You were right, Hillary, there is a vast right-wing conspiracy. Good luck in 2016.”

GS: From Sarah Palin?

TPC: “My Facebook statuses did it!”

Though I actually expect Palin will go quiet for a while after election night. She’ll be disappointed that Romney won. Criticizing the president is so much easier than trying to justify his mistakes, and as her financial adviser told her last fall, with Romney running for reelection, she can’t pretend to run again to get an all-expense paid family vacation from her SuperPAC. It’s a bad day for Palin, and she knows it.

GS: Mitch McConnell:

TPC: “Holy shit! Sabotaging the economy worked! They fell for it. Suckers!”

GS: Rick Santorum?

TPC: “Could’ve been me. I could’ve beaten Obama. Well, if it weren’t for Google. And the fact that I’m an sufferable prick.”

GS: Chris Christie?

TPC: “Crap! Now I gotta wait until 2020. I was sure 2012 was a loser and it would be mine in 2016.”

GS: Fantastic!  Now, no matter what we hear on our television sets or read in the newspapers on the day after the election, we can all rest assured that we already know what they are really thinking.

Finally, one last question: are you really a cat?

TPC: Well, my identity is a closely guarded secret, but I would like to lay to rest the rumor that I am Stephen Colbert’s cat. I am not. I am no one’s cat. I own people, they don’t own me.

GS: Thank you very much for your time!


The Tea Party Cat can be found on Tumblr, on Twitter and on Facebook.