Chick-Fil-A founder at the Pearly Gates: What is the verdict?

Truett Cathy, founder of Chick Fil A, at the pearly gates.

It was around 2:00 am on Monday morning; my heart was pounding and I was dripping in sweat. I realized, at that very moment, what had just happened – I had been supernaturally teleported, shot from the comfort of my bed, to the pearly gates of Heaven!! It was more than a mere dream….I found myself hovering on a puffy white cloud just above my dear friend Truett Cathy as St. Peter was checking his file just before he was officially welcomed Home.

Mr. Cathy was not only a good friend, but also the founder of Chick-fil-A, the world’s greatest Christian fast-food restaurant. I was flabbergasted to see that St. Peter didn’t look very pleased with his file! As St. Peter read through it, he kept mumbling things like:

“Lawsuits for gender discrimination in the workplace….”

“Lawsuits for religious discrimination… haven’t you ever heard of love thy neighbor, bud?…”

“Ridiculously low wages… that’s certainly not very Christian…”

“Jeepers, and that food… encouraging obesity… didn’t you read the bit about your body being a temple?…”

 

I knew at once I had to step in to speak up for my friend. I couldn’t let Mr. Cathy be sent to the fiery pits of Hell! I forced my way down to the pearly gates and marched right up to St. Peter

“But wait! St. Peter!” I shouted, “Mr. Truett didn’t just mistreat women, non-Christians, and poor people! He didn’t just encourage the degrading of God’s own work, the human body! he was also A VIRTUOUS HOMOPHOBE!!!”

I leafed through St. Peter’s book, and pointed out some all-important facts: Chick-fil-A has donated more than $5 million to organizations that depict gay people as pedophiles, hope to make “gay behavior” illegal, and even say the homosexuals should be “exported” out of America!

He clearly also raised his family with Virtuous Homophobia. His son, Dan Cathy said that if you support homo-marriage, you “are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say ‘we know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage’ and I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.”

And even if it weren’t for all that, here is the clincher: As pointed out by Mega Church Pastor Rick Warren, Chick-Fil-A was closed on Sundays!!!

How could THAT amount of sheer selfless virtue not make up for any other minor slips along the way?

The Heavens fell silent. We stood waiting for St. Peters next words. Looking Mr. Cathy up and down one final time, he begrudgingly said, “Welcome Home, Truett Cathy, welcome Home.”

 

America’s priorities: Homos or Health Care?

Homos versus Healthcare

Homos versus Healthcare

What do Americans really care about? Do they care about the economy and government spending? Or the fear that radical homosexual elites will take away their freedom? Google trends gives us an answer.

When there is an issue sticking in the American craw, they turn to the Google machine to find out more. Peaks in search volume on a particular topic or keyword usually correspond to news stories related to that topic. The more of a “spike” in search volume a news story gets, the more it shows that the American people as a whole are keyed in to that issue.

That is why the above graph is so fascinating. This graph compares search volume on two somewhat unusual terms that have appeared in big political news stories in the past year:  “chik fil a” and “sequester”.

If you will recall, there was an incident in mid-2012 where the head of the “Chik Fil A” restaurant chain put  a statement out saying that he hates the gay people, which of course all good conservatives know is perfectly reasonable and not prejudiced at all. This then caused radical homosexual activists to protest against Chik-Fil-A. This in turn lead to a counter-protest called “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day”, where good conservatives all over the country showed the world important it is to allow people to hate gay people by gorging down on fried chicken.

That appreciation day took place on August 1, 2012, coinciding exactly with the large peak on the above graph.

Over the last several months, the big political topic that has been in the news has been this thing called the “sequester” that started a few days ago. The sequester is a fancy and somewhat awkward name for a set of government spending cuts that reduce or eliminate large portions of our government, including funding for the military, education, and health care. In particular, federal financial support for health care will be one of the items hit the hardest, with the government cutting back on immunization programs, payments for medical screenings, mental health programs and disease tracking program.  In anticipation of receiving less federal money, hospitals have already begun laying people off.

There were some news stories about it last December, because law-makers were doing complicated things in government to delay the sequester until March 1.  March 1 has now come and gone, and the sequester has been the topic of almost every news and talk radio show for the last week or so.

Yet for some reason, the current spike in web searches on “sequester” has less than one fifth the magnitude as the “Chik Fil A Appreciation Day” spike last August.

This is an important lesson for conservative law-makers everywhere.  The Washington D.C. Republicans are out of touch with the average American conservative. While politicians debate about things like “spending” and “health care” and “poor people”, it is obvious that the real American conservative responds to these issues with a big ol’ YAWN.

But when the Radical Homosexual Elites threaten to mess with his Fried Chicken, the average American Conservative sits up (the best he can) and pays attention.

Something to think about for 2014.

 

 

Graph Data Source: Google Trends
Graph Created By: LiberalBias.com

Related Posts: Eating at Chik-Fil-A causes homosexuality

Eating at Chik-Fil-A causes homosexuality.

Homosexual Chicken

Homosexual Chicken

Everyone knows homosexuality is a choice. But what makes people want to choose to be homosexual?

Answer: Eating at Chik-Fil-A.

AND WE HAVE PROOF!!!

Noted scholar and world leader Evo Morales has definitively proven that eating chicken causes male homosexuality. Why? Because chickens that are raised to be eaten are artificially injected with female hormones to make them plump and tasty.  Thus, when a male eats the hormone-filled chicken, it will cause him to deviate from normal maleness and therefore TURN INTO A HOMOSEXUAL.

This stunning revelation casts a sinister and ominous veil of suspicion over the recent events surrounding Chik-Fil-A. Everyone assumes that Chik-Fil-A is conservative and pro-Christian values.

But is it all just a liberal ruse? Are they really part of a liberal plot??

Consider the sequence of events:

1) The president to Chik-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, makes a statement that he hates the gay people.

2) This causes radical homosexual activists to protest against Chik-Fil-A.

3) This in turn lead to a counter-protest called “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” where trillions and trillions of righteous conservatives bought food from Chik-Fil-A in order to show their support for family values.

Do you realize what this means?   All of those conservatives who were tricked into eating chicken at Chik-Fil-A for “Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day” have ingested the female hormones, and thus are about to turn homosexual!

Now of course, Chik-Fil-A denies that they use the hormones in their chicken, but somehow this all seems too perfect and too suspicious.  After all, isn’t that exactly what they would say if they were illegally using hormones in their chicken?  I thought so.

They also deny being liberal, but let me ask you this: WHY would an organization manipulate public opinion in such a way as to cause trillions of people to eat chicken on the same day, and therefore turn homosexual, unless they were liberal gay activists?

The answer is clear: Chick-Fil-A is secretly part of the world-wide liberal conspiracy to turn people gay through the consumption of chicken.

Mark my words, and write down the date and time you read this, because we here at LiberalBias.com are about to make a prediction!

In the next several months or years or, you know, whenever, there will be an explosion of conservatives coming out of the closet, throwing glitter, listening to Madonna, and engaging in other unspeakable acts.  All because they participated in “Chik-Fil-A appreciation day.”

You read it here first.