George Bush ad campaign: Jewish pets for Jesus

Our brilliant and poetically attuned former president George W. Bush is reported to have given a speech at a Jews for Jesus event this past week, taking the place of last year’s broadcasting angel Glenn Beck.

However, the Messianic Jewish Bible Institute (MJBI) haven’t released his remarks to their $100K-a-seat gathering. Why? Most people assume that it is because the media has pummeled Bush with anti-Christian rhetoric and put the MJBI on the defense.

But because I have the ability see through the media haze of liberal bias, I am able to see the Truth: Bush’s speech hasn’t been released because he never spoke to these Christian-Jews!

He met with them… but it was for a different agenda.


Pet-Based Marketing: The new frontier

Our former president found something more powerful to offer the “Jews for Jesus” crowd than speeches that tackle heated political discourse: his doggie and kitty artwork!

George Bush paints pets
Former presidents typically do charitable work after their term is over. Can these dogs help the world by being Jewish Dogs for Jesus?

These Jews for Jesus proclaim their mission is to help “educate Christians in their role to provoke the Jewish people to jealousy and thus save some of them”. Well, that sounds like a winning tactic…. but they must have realized that they need something stronger.


"Too Many Puppies...."
“Too Many Puppies….”

Thus, they’ve hired an expert, someone who is known for making America one of the most popular Christian countries in the world: world-renowned artist George W. Bush.

Artist and Philosopher George W. Bush has cunningly tapped into one of the great insights that the internet has given to this generation: the power of picture of animals.

The former President has reportedly painted over 50 dogs, which has recently been discovered to be only a warm-up to paintings of kittens in all their various shapes and sizes.

Are these pieces just what MJBI needs for their marketing plans for the 2014 fiscal year? Can some of Bush’s existing paintings be adapted to the messages of MJBI?

(This is just a hypothetical example of how one of Bush's cute cat paintings could be gloriously transformed into an ad for MJBI)
(A hypothetical example of how one of Bush’s cute cat paintings could be gloriously transformed into an ad for Jews for Jesus.)

This is, of course, just a hypothetical example for illustration purposes.


A new religious phase?

Jeezus catOf course, this would not be the first time that cats have been used to promote a religious agenda. And to be quite honest, the bold integration of President Bush’s cat pictures with a religious message is the only way to actually make sense of his new-found hobby.

Although this is purely speculation for now, the internet has shown that marketing campaigns involving animals are always spectacularly successful.

Perhaps, as an artist, war advocate and humble Christian, Bush will embark on a new phase of painting for this next project. After all, once any budding Christian Artist has reached the Dogs and Cats phase, the next step is clear: depictions of Jesus Himself…. with cats.

All sufficiently advanced Christian artists know: Jesus love cats.
All sufficiently advanced Christian artists pass through a “painting Jesus with cats” phase at some point..

No new George W. Bush paintings of this genre have yet been revealed. But with time, as the MJBI continues to save Jews from their heathen rendition of religion into the one and only True faith, Christianity, they will undoubtedly be using Bush’s next artistic representations… of Jesus riding on cats.

It is the next logical step… and we can only guess what it will look like.

There is much speculation over what Bush's paintings of Jesus-with-cats might looks like. This is one possibility. Click the image for full artist credit info.
There is much speculation over what Bush’s paintings of Jesus-with-cats might looks like. This is one possibility. Click the image for full artist credit info.

What REALLY caused the deficit to go down? YOU DECIDE.

The deficit is going down BUT NOT BECAUSE OF OBAMA, OK????

The deficit has been decreasing dramatically ever since 2009. For years, good conservatives have been trying to deny this fact, but it is finally time to admit it.


BUT, just because we are admitting that the deficit has gone down does not mean that liberal Barack Hussein Obama should get credit for it. Sure, it’s true that he was elected in 2009, and we have used that simple fact to prove that Obama is responsible for everything from lightning to suicide. However, in this case, it just makes no sense to give Obama credit for a reduced deficit. He is a liberal, after all.

Therefore, we have turned to Wikipedia and The Internets for other events that happened in 2009 that might be possible explanations for this unprecedented conservative success!  (I’m talking about the deficit reduction. Duh.)

Below are some of the candidates that we have found. For conservatives, all of these are more likely to be the cause of deficit reduction than anything that Obama has done.

Help us to decide which of the following events was the true cause of our decreasing deficit, by casting your vote below!


[socialpoll id=”2175941″]


LOLCats have a liberal bias!

Liberal LOLCat.

Liberal LOLCat.

A scientific survey of 80 LOLCats shows that LOLCats are 53% liberal, 29% conservative, 12% libertarian, 1% communist, and 5% neutral. This is mathematical proof that LOLCats have a liberal bias!!!

The results of the survey are shown below.

Liberal LOLCats:

Conservative LOLCats:

Libertarian LOLCats:

Communist LOLCats:

Neutral LOLCats:

Please note: some people claim that some of these LOLCats are not categorized correctly. However, this is not our fault because we here at are good conservatives and therefore have some difficulty understanding things like sarcasm and irony.

Obama causes lightning, cats and suicide

Stuff Obama Did.

Obama’s nefarious influence could be much more far-reaching than previously thought. In addition to everything else, he could be responsible for increases in suicide, lightning deaths, and much much more.

For years, conservative champions have taught us how to use logic and reason to evaluate the numbers and statistics associated with the Obama administration.

Sean Hannity has taught us that Obama has caused unemployment to go up. How does he know? In January of 2008, unemployment was 4.9% and in January of this year unemployment was 8.3%. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously caused by Obama.

Every conservative commentator on television has repeatedly told us that Obama has caused the deficit to increase. How do they know? In 2008 the federal deficit was $459 billion and in 2012 the federal deficit is $1,089 billion. Since the deficit went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously caused by Obama.

Recently, a television campaign ad aired explaining that Obamacare has caused health care costs to explode. This is true: average HMO costs were $8,213 in 2008 and are $11,151 now. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it was obviously because of Obamacare.

Mark Levin observed on his radio show that Obama has been terrible for students, pointing out that tuition costs have gone through the roof. He is correct: in 2008 average tuition was $24,780.75, and in 2012 the average tuition is $28,500.00. Since it went up during Obama’s presidency, it’s clear that this was also because of Obama.

All of these great conservative thinkers have been teaching us how to understand the Obama presidency. But it is time to take this line of thinking to the next level.

President Obama is such a terrible president that he is making people commit suicide. How do we know? In 2008, the total number of suicide deaths was 36,035. In 2012, they are expecting the number of suicide deaths to top 40,000. Since this increase happened during Obama’s presidency, obviously these deaths were caused by Obama.

President Obama has caused the number of pet cats in the country to increase. How do we know? In 2008, the estimated number of pet cats was 84 million, and in 2012 this increased to an estimated 86.4 million. Since this increase happened during Obama’s presidency, it’s clear that this was caused by Obama.

Even more frightening, in 2008 there were 28 people who died because they were struck by lightning. So far in 2012, exactly 28 people were struck by lightning and the year isn’t over yet.  If even one more person dies as a result of being struck by lightning this year, that is yet another death that lies on the shoulders of the evil and sinister President Obama.

Finally–and you should be warned that this is by far the most disturbing result that we have yet to report–in 2008 there were only 2 movies released in 3D, while by the end of 2012 there will have been 40 movies released in 3D.

That’s right! Obama is single-handedly responsible for a 1900% increase in the number of 3D movies released per year.

I ask you: is that really the America that YOU want to live in?

I didn’t think so.


graph produced by:
graph data sources: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention,  Aon Hewitt health care cost analysis, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration National Weather Service, USA Today,, and other various sources. Values plotted on a logarithmic scale. NOTE: cat-related data is estimated and may suffer from a lack of precision.