Next to children getting food and medical care they didn’t pay for, the biggest moral failure of our great nation is abortion. Fortunately, the number of abortions in the US is falling rapidly. The following graph shows the change in the number of abortions under each of our last five Presidents.
Now, if you are an unsophisticated liberal you might be fooled into thinking this graph somehow shows that liberal presidents are better than conservatives at preventing abortion. That would be ridiculous.
Luckily, you have me here to explain to you the correct way of looking at this graph. As George W. Bush taught is, “correlemation does not mean causification.” You see, even though abortions have been down under Obama, there is another factor going on that is not apparent from this graph: PUBLIC SLUT SHAMING!
Consider these recent examples of conservative stalwarts who refuse to let their poor, underrepresented white, male voices be ignored:
Rush Limbaugh: “What does it say about the college co-ed Susan Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex [by suggesting that college health plans should cover birth control]? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute.”
Rick Santorum advisor Foster Friess, suggesting innovative solutions to our rising health care costs: “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”
George Will addressed the related issue of rising reports of rape: “When they make victimhood a coveted status that confers privileges, victims proliferate.”
Obviously, if you understand the details of human nature the way conservatives do, you know that these statements must be what caused women to have fewer abortions. After all, the only thing that stops abortions is making sure women know that they are disgusting sluts and hussies if they ever want to have sex.
Of course, some liberals might suggest that there are alternative explanations for the decrease in abortions under Obama, like the fact that when programs such as those mandated under Obamacare provide free preventative healthcare it reduces the risk of abortion.
But that’s just dumb.