Patriotism has… a liberal bias?

Obama the conservative

Despite what that Coke fiend Aaron Sorkin thinks (Pepsi is the choice of a new generation), America is, has been, and always will be the greatest country in the world.

When the founding fathers graced this land 2013 years ago, they had the foresight to understand what the real, pressing issues of the future would be. That’s why the Constitution guarantees us the right to use a gun any way we please and allows us to choose whether or not we are financially stable enough to afford life-saving healthcare procedures.

Up until 2008, it was nearly impossible not to be proud of this great nation. From Jim Crow to our thoughtful, subdued reaction to the 9/11 tragedy,  we are a paragon of virtue, treating our own people and the people of the world with the utmost respect. That is until President Hussein, the first liberal to ever hold office AND the first dictator in United States history, managed to undo all the goodwill we had built up with the rest of the world.

I’m a patriot, as I assume all of you reading are as well. We support the troops while Obama wanted to bring them home. We want to keep Guantanamo Bay open while Obama wanted to close it. We want “whistleblowers” to be treated like the traitors they are while Obama promised to encourage those leakers to expose government abuse. It was easy to be a patriot in Obama’s America.

It WAS easy… until August 31, 2013, when everything changed.

On August 31, 2013, President Hussein asked for congressional approval to engage in warfare with Syria.

This should have been welcome news for true American patriots who respect the sanctity of the military industrial complex. But why would President Hussein, of all people, do something that seems so patriotic??

We can’t be sure whether or not Obama is trying to appease the true patriots of the United States, or just merely trying to trick us into falling hook, line, and sinker into his socialist web of lies.

This isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened, either.

After initially vying for the end of indefinite detention at Guantanamo Bay, Obama seemed to come to his senses and allowed for the policies that made the facility famous to stay intact indefinitely. (These human rights violations make us more free.)

Bradley Manning (if that is her real name), after exposing war crimes perpetrated by the United States military, was recently given more prison time than any whistleblower in American history. Liberals have been calling for Manning’s pardon, arguing that the traitor has already done enough time.


We all know that Obama is a liberal, therefore everything he does is part of the liberal agenda.

Obama the conservativeBut these recent actions have been fooling some people into doubting this sound, basic, unquestionable truth. A less perceptive person would look at this evidence and think he might not be a liberal at all. Silly websites such as go out of their way, in fact, to make this case. Deranged, suspiciously-named Cenk Uygur has also made the case that Obama is more conservative than Reagan!

When I was young and naïve, even I might have thought that this “new” Obama was a patriot.

But no… no. Any good conservative knows that this can’t possibly be what is going on.

It can’t be. IT CAN’T BE!

Clearly he must be trying to make us real Americans look bad by sneakily doing everything we’d ever want from a conservative President!

Clearly, it must be part of his cunning and sinister plot to be the most liberal, most socialist, most anti-American President ever… by deceptively acting like a conservative patriot!