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TODAY'S TOP STORY!

This adorable baby marmoset is a THREAT TO FREEDOM ITSELF!!

You’ll never believe how this baby marmoset is destroying America:

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Video direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jwj4lJuz60

 
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These Bible quotes prove God supports the XL Pipeline

Today’s letter is about the Keystone XL pipeline, and the environment. What does God think about the Keystone Pipeline bill? All 45 Republicans voted for it, but those pesky Democrats seem to think we should be more careful about the things we do that might harm God’s green earth. Does God want the pipeline, or

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Republicans reassert “penis power” for 2015-16 Congress

Republicans on Wednesday outlined a new “path to the future” by announcing that nine white men would be named to coveted leadership positions when the new Congress begins in January. Speaker John Boehner denied that there had been any kind of “ litmus test” in the selection process, mansplaining that his party no longer used

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This is what it will be like having a Republican congress in 2015

There has been a lot of debate about the question of impeachment. Now that the GOP has control of Congress, what will they do? Will they calmly legislate according to their ideals and political agenda, and map out a strategy for winning the Whitehouse in 2016? Or will the FREAK THE FUCK OUT ON OBAMA

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The GOP can #BreakTheInternet, too!

Today’s letter is about the Democrat War on Women… But I think this time my response might surprise you! As a Republican and a Christian, of course I love the ladies. The dames. The skirts. All of them. They’re just so nifty! But Democrats are reviving the “War on Women” strategy, trying to convince the

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China Moves Quickly to Prevent Spread of Inhofe

World leaders continue to react with horror at the results of the US midterm elections, and specifically the likely ascension of climate change denier James Inhofe (R-OK) to the head of the Senate Committee on Environment. China, a country that insists on using science class to teach students science instead of how awesome God is,

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Obamacare will cause a surge in part-time employment, any minute now!

Just yesterday, November 11th 2014, the conservative “Power Line Blog” sang songs of doom and gloom for the Affordable Care Act (i.e. Obamacare), and predicted: “2015 is the year when the employer mandate begins to take effect (it is phased in over several years, depending on the size of the employer). As the mandate takes

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2014 midterm elections PROVE there is liberal media bias!

Did you know that Republicans made gains in the Senate, the House, and Governorships across the United States in the 2014 Midterm Elections? Of course you didn’t, because we have a liberally biased media. All the media has been talking about in the Liberal News has been liberal victories like gun control, pot legalization, fracking

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Aging White Voters Still Mad at Black Man Who Fixed Economy

Republicans rode a wave of aging white male rage to reclaim the Senate, increase their leadership in the House, and win key Gubernatorial races this Tuesday. Turnout among 60+ voters soared to 37% of the total (up from 25% in 2012 and 32% in the last midterms in 2010). 79- year-old Charlie Koch and his

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ALERT: The word “obstruction” has just been redefined

We have an important announcement!  Please make sure to disseminate this information to everyone you know as soon as possible. For the last five years or so, the word “obstruction” has been a very positive word, with a positive meaning. For example, when congress has “obstructed” Obama’s agenda, it has been in order to stop

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How come nobody is talking about Electronic Voting Machines?

For the last decade, everyone has bitched and complained about the fact that electronic voting machines are insecure, can be hacked, and cannot be verified. But they only complain AFTER the elections are over. Why is that? Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes of Heltzel’s View.

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Halloween and Christians: giving Halloween a modern Christian meaning

Halloween has been an issue for Christians for a long time, but Pastor Gregory has a solution: your children can celebrate Halloween without fear… all we have to do is make Halloween about Jesus Christ! Luckily, Christians are really good at this kind of thing. They have been doing it for a long time. They

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BREAKING: Bobby Jindal declares Louisiana a “science-free zone”

Bobby Jindal has become the first US Governor to declare his home state “science-free.” Although Jindal was a biology major at college his recent conversion to the Koch-olic religion has led to his complete renunciation of science and facts. Earlier this year, Jindal not only rejected manmade climate change, he also advised citizens of Louisiana

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Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters

Chris Christie’s recent political maneuverings concerning Ebola definitely prove he is running for president.  His attitude of “I’m gonna just quarantine every little shit that comes from Africa whether they have symptoms or not” is a perfect reflection of both Republican foreign policy and health ideology, and the presidential persona that Chris Christie in particular

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5 reasons conservatives believe in voter fraud

Conservatives say that liberals only win elections due to voter fraud. Liberals claim there is no such thing. In case you are skeptical, Zach explains five CONCRETE REASONS why conservatives KNOW that election fraud is going on ALL THE TIME!!! Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes

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