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#BENDOGZI is the scandal that will finally take down Obama

Published on December 9, 2013 by in Heltzel's View

Obama's racist dog

A picture is worth 1000 words, but this one can be summed up in eight: Obama’s dog brutally maimed an adorable little girl. Obama’s dog brutally maimed an adorable little girl.

OBAMA’S DOG BRUTALLY MAIMED AN ADORABLE LITTLE GIRL.

Barack Hussein Obama’s pet dog Sunny attacked Ashtyn Gardner, 2, a precious little ray of sunshine from Mobile, Alabama during a tour of the White House’s new “holiday” decorations, which really means that they were flaunting their war on Christmas.

While this shocking image did make the rounds, it was treated lightly by liberal rags such as USA Today, which alleged that “it’s unclear whether [she] lost her balance or if Sunny bumped her.” Looks to me like the corporate media is trying to cover up what really happened to protect its precious phony administration.

Forget about Benghazi, because this is even worse….. this is BENDOGZI!

Pardon my harsh language, but can you imagine the literal doodystorm that would be happening right now if this was a WHITE dog that did this to a BLACK girl? MSNBC would be calling for a legitimate President’s head! They are clearly giving Obama a pass because of reverse racism, the same way they gave Trayvon Martin a pass.

If it weren’t for intrepid reporters like me, the corporate media would never have revealed that Martin did weed and also pot, which means he must have been at fault! It’s just common sense.

Maybe this would have never happened if black dogs like Sunny had fathers that didn’t abandon them mere weeks after they were born, allowing for families like the Obamas to foster their violent, evil ways. Just saying.

Make your voice be heard, America. This needs to be the ONLY STORY that good conservatives talk about, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, between now and the next election. And the election after that.

This is worse than Katrina and Watergate and the Titanic all put together… this is BENDOGZI!

 
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Obama leads the War on Christmas

Published on December 5, 2013 by in God looks right

Black Friday used to be like any other good Christian religious holiday: a safe, comfortable time when the godly could enjoy buying lots and lots of stuff. But no more! Black Friday has recently become a government conspiracy to wage war on Christmas!

The way God intended the holidays to be celebratedOnce millions of Americans finish stuffing their faces with festive [high-fructose] corn [syrup], [factory-farmed] turkey, and all the sweets one could imagine, they faithfully re-enact the marvelous thanks given by Captain Smith and Pocahontas as this fine country began to emerge in response to British imperialism.

Just like Jesus would have wished, from the time these folks undo their top jean button (for a little extra breathing room), they gear up for the midnight hour so they can go shopping! That is, after all, the way Jesus wants it.

But ever since “that one” Obama was elected, things have changed. Consider the evidence:

  • Reddit user Dav Versus posted his story about working at a Best Buy on Friday. When around 1,500 people peacefully walked into his business at 6am, the checkout line quickly reached a tangled line stretching way back into the appliance department. Skillfully placed by the Obama administration a “turd of a good size” and “solid consistency” was dropped down in one of the dryers by a crazed-government-consumer. “A lady (no doubt a government operative)…opened the dryer, and shat right there in front of everyone,” Versus reported.
  • The government didn’t stop with human feces, they began to use brute force: a man in Virginia was stabbed at Walmart during an argument over a parking spot around 6:30pm thanksgiving evening. Good Christian citizens attempting to park closer to their desired store are no longer safe, Obama has crazed-government-consumers ready and willing to stab anyone attempting to enjoy the Holy Black Friday.
  • Santa himself was arrested outside of a Walmart in California as he peacefully greeted guests into the superstore. With a huge smile Santa was handing out candy and holding up joyful holiday sign that read, “people over profit.” Obama wasn’t ready for such radical Christmas cheer, so they cuffed good ole’ Saint Nick and locked him in their SWAT car. Beware: there is nothing that will stop this liberal tyrannical dictator from shaming all who celebrate Christmas.
  • This nutty administration even started their own website where they report how many deaths their violent-government-consumer-operatives have caused! It’s coined, “Black Friday Death Count” and celebrates 7 deaths and 90 injuries.  This is not only an attack on Christmas but is probably another attempt at swaying the American people to sign up for Obamacare or run in fear of their lives ending up on blackfridaydeathcount.com

How can we be sure that Obama was behind all of these events, you might ask? Well, isn’t it obvious?

 
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Holiday box office statistics have a liberal bias!

Published on December 4, 2013 by in Heltzel's View

According to Boxoffice.com, a website that claims to report accurate box office figures, The Christmas Candle only made $405,697 over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend and $1,631,471 during its theatrical run thus far.

How could such an error happen?

Everybody knows that Hollywood is a wretched cesspool of liberalism that usually only generates movies intended to promote poor values in our children. However, from time to time filmmakers wise up and make movies that defy the common Hollywood ideology. Films such as Fireproof, Soul Surfer, and Atlas Shrugged Part 1 have all been incredibly successful, suggesting that Americans crave wholesome entertainment even when know-nothing critics say these films are “a fiasco” and “lifeless”.

Christmas Candle sets new records, according to unskewed non-liberal statisticsThe Christmas Candle, produced by none other than Rick Santorum, is another one of these righteous conservative films. It was released on November 22, starring British (yuck) superstar Susan Boyle and the girl with the shockingly tiny waist from Les Miserables (pronounced “Less Mizz-ray-bulls”).

The Christmas Candle was the highest grossing movie over the Thanksgiving holiday, beating both The Hunger Games: Catching Fire and Disney’s new animated propaganda picture Frozen.

Or at least, that’s what the headlines should have said…

Perhaps they accidentally placed the weekend gross on the wrong line of the spreadsheet. Maybe they meant to swap it with the $74.5 million they claim The Hunger Games: Catching Fire made in its second weekend. Although somehow equally dubious websites like Box Office Mojo have very similar numbers. Very suspicious.

Clearly this is an example of big Hollywood trying to hide the truth from the people. Susan Boyle is far more beloved than Jennifer Lawrence, I mean…who even is that? And besides, why would people go see a movie called The Hunger Games over Thanksgiving?

The reported numbers are wrong. They have to be wrong; there is simply no way America would turn their back on a Christmas musical produced by Rick Santorum!

Think about it. I have over 49 friends on Facebook, and 31 of them clicked ‘like’ on The Christmas Candle’s page. Statistical extrapolation suggests that over 60% of real conservative American patriots like the film.

Since over 60 million people voted for Mitt Romney in 2012, that means roughly 38 million people have seen the film. If they each spent $8.12 on a movie ticket that means The Christmas Candle made over $308 million dollars this weekend!!

Explain that, Obama.

 
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This graph shows that Obamacare has succeeded, so NOBODY LOOK AT IT.

Published on December 2, 2013 by in Graphs and Charts

Uninsured Young AmericansThis graph shows that Obamacare has already succeeded. Luckily for good conservatives everywhere, most people do not understand that this is what it means, and the media is just plain clueless.

Obamacare, you see, is not a website. It is not a specific insurance plan. It is not some kind of utopian state of existence in which nobody ever suffers at all.  It is simply a collection of laws.

One of those laws came into effect in 2010, and guaranteed that young people could stay on their parents’ insurance plans until the age of 25. The goal was to reduce the high rate of uninsured individuals in this group, caused primarily by the high rate of unemployment in this age group.

And it worked. It worked completely. It closed the gap, so that now 19 to 25 year-olds are no more likely to be uninsured than older young adults (26 to 24 year olds).

It worked completely… but lucky for conservatives, it worked silently.

There was no fanfare. There was no big announcement. There were no press conferences. The law simply set out to solve a problem… and solved it.

And this law was part of Obamacare.

Obamacare – at least part of it – was a total success. Luckily, nobody noticed. People are convinced that the entire existence of Obamacare hinges on a website and some abstract “future thing” that hasn’t happened yet. And isn’t that just the way we conservatives want it to be?

Plus, the graph is just so tiny. Look at that tiny graph.  It’s really better if you just ignore it completely.

 

graph data source: American Community Survey datagraph found via: Economix Blog

 
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You will never believe this 100% true statistic about how terrible Obamacare is!!!!

Published on November 29, 2013 by in Featured, Heltzel's View

Do you want to actually just up and DIE? If you enroll in Obamacare, you will. Check out this statistic:

100% of people enrolled in Obamacare will die. FACT.

Do you want to die? If not, I suggest you support its repeal, or you’ll end up dead.

FACT.

 

Amazing Fact

 
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Jesus teams up with Steve Jobs for the greatest hacking stunt of all time

Published on November 28, 2013 by in God looks right

I am convinced that Jesus took the life of former Apple CEO Steve Jobs for one reason and one reason only: Heavenly computer training.

Jesus is a Hacker

With the long declared Biblical prophecy on Obamacare (“Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.” -Luke 17:33) it should be clear to Christians that health care of any kind is an absurdly Satanic idea.

Jesus calls us to “come and die,” not to be plugged into big-government systems that force us to live. As the Hebrew Prophets in the Old Testament often repeat, we serve a “Jealous God” who desperately wants Born Again Christians with Him in our supernatural Heavenly home… not alive here on earth.

So, guided by the mischievous Holy Spirit, Christians around the world have been praying since Obama’s first term that he would be stopped.

And shortly after millions began praying…. Jesus called his son Steve Jobs home!

Jobs, the brilliant visionary of the greatest computer company in the world, has undoubtedly been assisting the legions of Angels to rain the wrath of the Father onto Healthcare.gov.

Recent reports have revealed that the Obamacare website has been attacked at least 16 times by hackers and cyber attacks. The HealthCare.gov site has apparently been the victim of “distributed denial of service” (DDoS) attacks. Who do you think that was?

That’s right: God, Jesus, and Steve Jobs.

And their efforts have been working wonderfully. 40 million Americans were supposedly predicted to benefit from the online program, but less than a few thousand have actually signed up.

Obviously Steve Jobs and Jesus’ angels are busy setting up DDoS attacks, packet sniffers, trojan horses, viruses, worms, and back-door entry codes. Like a winged  cyber-brigade, like supernatural version of the hacker group Anonymous, they are all focusing their omnipotent powers on one and only one thing: the destruction of the miserable anti-Christian health care website HealthCare.gov!

Of course, don’t think Satan isn’t also working his feisty antics: the world watched as House Speaker John Boehner was able to log into the website in a matter of seconds and receive quality affordable healthcare. How embarrassing.

But God is in control, and will reign supreme… with the help of Steve Jobs, of course. We have seen the work of God previously when he destroyed the hedonistic website Myspace. Now, we are seeing a far greater move of God.

The breakdown of the health care website is a clear sign that Christianity is taking over this country once again, that the dreams of our founding fathers will emerge, and that the power of prayer is far greater than any attempt at redistributing wealth to care for the sick and dying.

Keep fighting and: “do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6).

Happy Thanksgiving!

 
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