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TODAY'S TOP STORY!

BREAKING: Bobby Jindal declares Louisiana a “science-free zone”

The Daily Edge Jindal declares Louisiana a science-free zone
Bobby Jindal has become the first US Governor to declare his home state “science-free.”

Although Jindal was a biology major at college his recent conversion to the Koch-olic religion has led to his complete renunciation of science and facts.

Earlier this year, Jindal not only rejected manmade climate change, he also advised citizens of Louisiana to “begin building an ark,” having become convinced that Rick Perry’s incessant praying for rain in drought-ravaged Texas would inevitably lead to “a big flood.”

Now, as the great Ebola plague is causing politicians in many states to be seized by delusional visions, Jindal has declared the only way to protect Louisiana from Ebola is to make the state a completely “science-free zone.”

“I’m not a scientist,” said Jindal. ‘But I do know that Ebola cannot be cured by science. So I am hereby signing an Executive Order making it illegal to practice any form of science in Louisiana.”
The immediate impact of Jindal’s decision will be felt at the annual conference of the American Society of Tropical Medicine and Hygiene in New Orleans next week, where the world’s leading experts on Ebola were set to gather to discuss the best ways to protect against the disease.

“I have told the greatest minds in the global fight against Ebola to fuck off,” said Jindal. “So we can all sleep safer at night.”

Jindal later issued a clarification stating that despite his ban on science, a woman’s boss would still be able to decide which birth control he wants her to use.

 
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Chris Christie 2016 Presidential Campaign Posters

Chris Christie’s recent political maneuverings concerning Ebola definitely prove he is running for president.  His attitude of “I’m gonna just quarantine every little shit that comes from Africa whether they have symptoms or not” is a perfect reflection of both Republican foreign policy and health ideology, and the presidential persona that Chris Christie in particular

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5 reasons conservatives believe in voter fraud

Conservatives say that liberals only win elections due to voter fraud. Liberals claim there is no such thing. In case you are skeptical, Zach explains five CONCRETE REASONS why conservatives KNOW that election fraud is going on ALL THE TIME!!! Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube Channel to get notified about the latest episodes

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ISIS and Ebola: the real consequences of raising taxes on the rich

Obama has raised taxes. Everybody knows it. Obama was elected, he waived his magic Liberalism Wand, sign an executive order or two, and now everyone is paying way too much in taxes. Not just everyone: YOU.  You are paying too much in taxes, and it’s Obama’s fault. Consider the following graph of the highest and

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Republicans Celebrate Massive Gains in 2014 Midterms

Less than two weeks before Election Day, Republicans across America are celebrating their massive gains in the 2014 midterms! Ted Cruz is already demanding that “lame duck” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid relinquish his responsibilities two months early and give Koch Industries full control over the Senate until Koch’s Executive Director of Filibustering Mitch McConnell

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GOP: “Please help make Obamacare fail so we don’t look like idiots!”

Conservatives! Gird up your loins. We’ve reached Defcon 1 and that sound you hear is Ronald Reagan’s legacy dying! But with your help we can turn this ship around before it runs aground on the rocks of public health and fiscal sanity. Recently, the liberal media has been cranking out positive Obamacare news items… and

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EXPOSED AND EXPLAINED: The Republican 5-Point Plan

John Boehner took 16 minutes to explain his “5 point plan” to save the Universe… I mean, America. Luckily, Zach Heltzel can explain it in only four. It really is quite simple. Republicans want no spending, no lawsuits, no taxes, no mean regulations, no spending, and they want to use Federal money to pay for

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The Christian solution to Ebola is not what you think

Blessed Sunday, everyone! Today’s letter is about the top news story today, Ebola, but my answer to today’s question might surprise you! Dear Pastor Gregory, You’ve heard the news: Ebola is spreading like wildfire and it’s all President Obama’s fault! Great Christian leaders like Pat Robertson and yourself always say that we should just stay

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2014 Texas Governor’s race teaches us what REALLY matters to the GOP

Republicans are obsessed with messaging. They are not nearly as obsessed with actual policy and legislation. You can see a perfect example of this in Texas politics right now, in the race for Texas Governor between Republican Greg Abbott and Democrat Wendy Davis. Recently, Republicans have been outraged by a campaign commercial from Wendy “Abortion

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Republican cuts kill…. and they are supposed to. That’s capitalism.

Liberals and Democrats have been slamming Republicans for cutting medical research funding, blocking the appointment of a Surgeon General, and cutting money to hospitals…. only to “suddenly” turn around and start demanding money and medical oversight now that we have a problem with The Ebola. Some Democrats are calling the Republican Party experts in “closing

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Leif Erikson Day: an EVEN BETTER holiday for gun-toting racist conservatives!

Liberals like to mope around about how Christopher Columbus was a racist mass murderer, blah blah blah and all that noise. But it turns out this time they may have a point: Why celebrate some Spanish puss when you can celebrate a VIKING! He’s rugged! He’s manly! He has a beard like the Duck Dynasty

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Republicans are super-flexible. Here are 3 specific examples.

Republicans get a bad rap in the press. Liberals accuse them of being rigid, closed-minded and inflexible. Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, as every “lifelong Republican” knows, being a member of the GOP requires you to constantly re-evaluate your positions, and even your “core” beliefs. It’s exciting! And it demonstrates

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A BIG BAD LIST: 25 things that Ebola is like!

This picture proves that Ebola is like Mickey Mouse. Of course, everyone has already been talking about the fact that the responsible reporters at CNN think Ebola is like ISIS: But this is really only the beginning. Since Ebola has (obviously) been the only important topic in the entire world for the last week or

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GOVERNMENT COVERUP: the real truth about the New American Plague

There are some terrifying secrets about this new virus that has hit the United States. Some people call it the “New American Plague.” Government officials are trying to downplay the danger, but you deserve to know the truth. In this chilling expose based on detailed online research, Zach reveals some of the scariest facts that

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What does God want us to do about ISIS? TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT.

If you are a Christian and a conservative, you might be going through an inner struggle right now. The situation with ISIS can be very confusing for a person of faith. As a Christian pastor I am inspired by God, anything and everything I say and do is in line with God’s will: that’s what

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